It’s been a really good day, despite my only having two paying customers today. I went to weigh in.

I lost this!

which roughly translates into 2.6 pounds. HALAKALEEM!!!

and I just got word….

I GOT CAST IN LEFT HAND SINGING AT CARPENTER SQUARE!!!

sigh. yeah. I’m happy. and nervous. and happy. and I’ve been talk talk talking about this forever and now I get it. Fuck around. I did not get the role in Little Dog Laughed. I think he went with someone more true to the age of the role, which…hey. fine. I can play it some other time! it’s nice to be too young…especially when I tried those push ups last night and fell on my face laughing at how ridiculous a fete it was!!!

So.

I’m in a show.
I’m getting skinnier.

It was a good day.

Send some good joo joo my way tomorrow…only have two appointments on my book. bleagh. but hey, that means I have lots of room for walk ins!

PS.

I also agreed to do the 3 mile leg of the relay in our Memorial Marathon at the end of April.

Clearly…Im nuckin futs

It’s my guilty pleasure.

yeah, I know. You’ve all heard my soapbox about reality tv. but I cannot help myself. It’s amazing the transformations in these people’s lives.

So…I’m watching. I roasted a big plate of veggies for supper and am watching. I myself weigh in tomorrow. I feel good about it. I would have liked more workouts…but it’s ok. it will be fine. This is a lifetime battle. I’ll be happy with anything…

so are you roasting veggies? it’s my favorite thing. I just throw a crapload of anything on a cookie sheet, and put it in a 450 degree oven. Brussel sprouts (thanks to Kizz. so good!) asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, shrooms, onions. toss in some olive oil and seasonings and mmmmm mmmmm good. my favorite dinner. I have eaten it almost every night.

Ok. I’m freezing my bippy off. time to put on soft clothes turn up the heat and maybe do some push ups in the floor.

So, again I woke up at the crack of bleagh. 3:45. Wide awake. I got up and for about forty five minutes putzed and sat and facebooked, then forced myself back into the bed, where I stayed till the last minute. My plan for the morning was up at 6:30, gym. Then home to shower and dress. To the bank for cashing of checks, depositing of checks, wiring of money to mother. Now, all of that will get done but for…yep. the gym. I am off tomorrow morning. Maybe I can do a M/W/F/Sunday kind of schedule. I can fit in more when I can. Anyways, right now it’s coffee and the Today show.

I have had near constant goosebumps since turning on the telly. We’ve got a live shot of the entrance of Blair House. And I have to tell you, gentle readers. I am filled with such emotion. SUCH EMOTION. Already I have tears just typing the words.

This is HAPPENING! We stand on the precipice of a world that has one less boundry. My Wonderboy and Wonderbaby will grow up in a world where a black man as president is just another dude. No big. We stand together today, and yes, it’s been said over and over, but not as RED states, not as BLUE states, but as the UNITED STATES. OUR PRESIDENT. OURS. Oh. The emotion is gurgling over. Hope. Change. We all go into this together.

Ok, so I have a few shoutouts today. First of all my other sister Maegen is on the road to recovery for the next two weeks. Send her some shining light today. She’s prolly hopped up on the hooch, because she had some kinds of work done on her yesterday. Here’s to a speedy recovery sis!

ScottyRingo has had a difficult time of it. Today is his 40th birthday!!! HUZZUAH AND HALAKALEEM!!! Now, for the bad news. He’s been pretty sick. I think he and B had a late night visit to the ER for catscans and whatnot. So. Again I ask for you to band together and send love and light his way. This is NOT the way we want him to start his new year…he’s so full of laughter and kindness and generosity and love. Send him a little back, will ya?

and my beautiful yogagoddess Cindy!!! You are one of my favorite things that happened last year! Reconnecting with you and Chris. I love you both so much! You make me a better person my dear. You are so smart, and informed, and passionate and engaged and vivacious and you wrap it all up with a nice fluffy layer of being FREAKIN HYSTERICAL! You share your love and support with a readiness that surprises. I hope you have an amazing day dearheart. You get a new President Obama. That’s a pretty good start, eh? Here’s a few things for you to add to your party.

I did it.
Most all of it.
Today!

I took the cat bubbler back and they didn’t have the kind I had previously purchased, so I got a cheaper version. Ya know, why spend 50 bucks on something they won’t drink out of when I can spend 25 buck and they still won’t drink out of it? I KNOW!! Somedays, I’m really using it all.

I ran Bella thru the carwash. Hindsight says I should have spent more than 5 bucks because there’s still some funk, but it’s better than nothing.

I WENT BACK TO THE GYM!!! I did 2+ miles on the treadmill. That’s it for today, but I VOW to get back into it.

I went grocery shopping, and used my American Express on groceries. I made a big pot of Santa Fe Soup which is 3/4 points per cup and I’ll share that with Maegen this week. She had some surgery today, making the girls smaller and helping her back not hurt so much. So I’ll take some supper to them this week. I bought lots of vegetables for the roasting and salads for the making. None of which I did this afternoon because that was spent hanging with the redhead watching the first part of the PBS comedy documentary that started last wednesday. It was really good. We divvied up couches and blankets and watched then he headed home and I went to Best Buy for a new ethernet cord for the addictive machine sitting here in my lap. Mine went kaput today.

wanna know what else went kaput?
the front of one of my kitchen cabinet drawers. The big bottom drawer what holds all the gladware that I take my lunches in. pulled that sucker right off. all the plastic ware is wedged in and I just sat the front to the side and walked out. Redhead says it’s an easy fix, looks like I could just hammer it back on but whatever. We’ll deal with that another day.

well hell. I just sneezed and peed a little . That’s all from Casa Zelda.

it was time to change into soft clothes anyway.

Once upon a time, long long ago when I lived in Cincinnati, my long lost soul brother and I celebrated MLK day in fine fine fashion. Each year, I think of him with love in my heart and miss him even more.

Skillet, I hope that somewere in Vegas, today finds you surrounded by hot wings, a fohty ounce and some Blackula movies! Love, Mamawalde.

So tomorrow!!! TOMORROW!!!

YES WE CAN!!!

Did you watch the big whooptedoo concert yesterday? I dvr’d it on HBO last night and watched Garth, some Stevie, U2 before I went to bed. I’ll watch a lot more today. Mrs. Chili, who I “know” via Kizz, is THERE! SHE IS THERE! I think she’s gonna try to post throughout the events, so have yourself a cookie lookie. Can you just imagine the energy and excitement???

I have to say, though. What with ALL THOSE PEOPLE and the weather and ALLTHOSEPEOPLE!!! I think the view from the t.v. will suit me fine.

I did NOT take off work. However I’ve cleared my DVR to tape the whole day. OH Glorious Day!

So yesterday was good. I kept myself in the house and out of the bar on Saturday night even though one of my FAVORITE bands was playing just so I wouldn’t be wrecked. Auditions were…ok. I feel like I have a shot at at least one show. The one I was so worked up about…ehhh. I think that the director is going older. There are a few women who read, and they really are 40’s 50’s age range and could do the role justice so eh. Ok. The three directors, well two out of the three have some ethnic challenges in the casting. Still need some young/older black women/hispanic man and woman. I KNOW! Why did they pick the show last year? We’re throwing out scripts left and right for casting reasons like that. Too many men. Needs black actors. Children. TOSS IT! Bah. It’s tough this season picking! So anyways, the casting. We’ll know in a week or so.

After auditions then play meeting, my friends GirlKris and SHicks2 came over and we watched the version of True West that I have on tape. Young Malkovitch and Sinese. SHicks2 will be directing the show here in OKC in a few months. We had a large time watching it. Of course I was cracking up and quoting it left and right so that was a little obnoxious but whatever. ha HAAAAAA! “those are the most monotnous fucking crickets I ever heard” “handing down favors from the mountain top!” “Picasso! Picasso!” Malkovitch really really really is brilliant. Nuckin Futs Crazy, but brilliant.

Then I was to bed. I’d cleaned the house and done some laundry and was just tired. Until 3:40 in the a.m. when I popped right outta bed wide eyed and bushy tailed! Ok. So I got up, turned on the tv, fired up the computer, the cats were confused and sleepy in my lap. There were informercials galore (SHAMWOW!) and eps of Angel that I watched. Finally just moved to the couch and slept a few more hours with the cats. Wierd. I didn’t have caffene. I don’t know what it was!

So today, (are you all as bored with this post as I think I am? boring life right now. but whatever.) Today I’m taking the cat bubbler back to Petsmart. it’s brokedown palace but I found the reciept and will be exchanging it. Kikimama back to the doc to test her tinkle and make sure the infection is gone. I really need to run my car thru a wash as it’s looking like Pigpen on wheels. I have a few other errands, groceries and prepping WW appropriate food for the week. I found a 25 dollar american express gift card I got for Christmas and am going to try to use that to buy a month at the gym and get my fat ass to moving! Also would like to make a dent in the hunting and gathering of reciepts for the taxes…

Huh. seems like I’d better get up and get started with the day…lots to do.

first…coffee.

Last Saturday I was mooning over my bagel boyfriend, sippin coffee and strolling Astoria, Queens with Chrome watching it snow.

Today, I’m bundled up in the soft clothes, curled up in the green chair, sippin coffee and strolling the internet…about to go to work with a full book today.

Almost EXACTLY the same.

So I went to the theatre last night. By myself. (I rarely go with others it seems.) But that’s always fine because I sit with the A.D. of the theatre who is also my friend. Anyways, she directed this show. Orphans. SO GOOD. The three guys were just really fine in their roles. It was touching and funny and hard and brilliant and tender and everything a night at the theatre should be. Do you know the script? I’ve never seen the movie version. But thinkin I might netflix it.

What did you do? Plans for the rest of the weekend?

I’m actually thinking about canceling my plans tonight and just staying home and reading scripts and preparing for auditions tomorrow. I really really really reallly realllllllllly want to get into a show or two.

Ok. must go with the working.

Happy Saturday!

OH. I’ll have you know, I’ve crossed off a few things off the list down there. The refinancing guy called. We’ll make plans on Tuesday to get things done. My interest rate could be up to two full points lower, 100 bucks cheaper a month. I called the homestead thingy and getting that done, which will save me money. I turned in scripts and receipt and will be reimbursed this weekend. I got my headshots in the mail yesterday (thanks Kizz!) and am going to get stuff ready for tomorrow. The banks are closed today and Monday, so the money stuff and bills will be taken care of first thing Tuesday morning. Am going to block out at work so I can do banking and wire transfers FIRST THING TUESDAY MORNING! So, I’m making progress!

So. I went back to weigh in today. First one since November 19th. I KNEW I’d gained. I knew it. Felt it. Feel it. But figured that thru the holidays, if I came in 10lbs or under, I’m ok with that. Just ready to get back on track and get it off of me.

SO. 4.6 is what I gained. less than five.

or this dog.
pretty sure I know where I’m carrying it too! Alas…I’m fine with it. Two big parties, lots of over indulging with the food and the drink. I’m fine with all of that. I wish I had the finances to rejoin my gym right now. I’m motivated to move. But it will come.

Lots of stuff rolling around inside the noggin.

here’s a list.

1. get money transferred back to mom.
2. pay some bills.
3. get homestead thingy before I file taxes.
4. get papers and receipts organized
5. find a tax person and get shit filed.
6. try to pay some more bills.
7. get few more scripts read and go to meeting on sunday.
8. get reimbursed for scripts bought in nyc.
9. audition on sunday.
10. prepare for audition.
11. do ten before nine.
12. get paperwork on house refinancing and figure out finances.

can you tell that the money side of life is starting in with the strangle hold? I know that relief is coming…gah. just getting it here.

It’s freezing ass cold here.

There too?

Yeah, pretty much figured we were all in for it when Al Roker said that Anchorage Alaska was the same temperature as Daytona Beach Florida.

Fuck around it’s cold!!!

When we lived in the crazy house on Eddy St in Saginaw, our employers brought over this plastic stuff that kind of melted to the windows with the hairdryer. It insulated the house a little more. Well, I’m going to find me some of that and do that to my windows this weekend. MGirl and I are both going to do it.

Because, you know, it’ll be in the upper 60’s lower 70’s here this weekend.

Good grief.

I got the call from my banking guy. My refinancing is in the works! I don’t know the new interest rate, or the new payment or how much a month I’ll be saving but he said to me yesterday, that “you’ll still have to pay Jan. payment. But you shouldn’t have to pay February or March.” WAHOOOOOOO!!!

I feel very grown up and evolved about doing this. I’ll let you know more details when I get them. So now, My next project is gathering all of my papers and getting them organized and finding a tax person so that when I get my W2 I’m off and running. I have a fridge to pay off, then…who knows! I want a fence in the backyard and a new computer. But we will just see how that refund goes.

I don’t have a whole lot today. Have a semi busy day at work, with gaps in between. I do go back to weigh in today. Gah. Own it. Accept it. Change it.

sigh.
what I want is more coffee but just drank the last drop in my house.

better get ready and get to work then!

Thanks to everyone who made it through that last epic post. Well, it was certainly an epic day. I was supposed to have arrived in NY at 8:30 pm and Chrome picked me up sometime after midnight. I forgot to put that in. Gah. But oh well. We drove home and coming across the bridge I saw the lights of the city that I love so much, what that holds so many people that I love so much and the chattering halted.

I need a moment.
Take it. Take it, she says. Because she knows. Even though she lives there, and works there and laughs there and hurts there…she knows. And gives me my moment.

Sigh. Beautiful.

So we fall asleep and get up the next morning and stumble out into Astoria and it’s just beginning to snow. Beautiful beautiful fat flakes. Pure white. The neighborhood is bustling on a Saturday morning. And as we sit and have our bagel breakfast and coffee made expressly for us by my BagelBoyfriend (not unlike Cher. In fact, it’s exactly like Cher) and we watch the people go. Yoga mats. Papers and coffee. Lots of people hitting the market for stuff to make tonight when it gets really cold. It’s beautiful. We walk around and hit Chrome’s fav thrift store where I bought some more books. HEY!!! I KNOW I”M GROUNDED FROM BUYING BOOKS BUT THEY WERE A DOLLAR FIFTY EACH! Then we just walked around. Walked down to her park, and the snow was just falling and here I am with my coffee and my bestie and I have a huge surprise ahead of me tonight and I know, with all certainty, that life is good.

We make it back home and my stomach is just full of butterflies. Mothra is in there, too I’m thinkin. The surprise! Getting to see Aaron and his family! I haven’t seen him in seven years. Getting to see Seth, who I have seen more since he moved to NYC that when he lived in OKC, but always happy to see him and I get to finally meet his lovely girl, Abby! So I’m stoked. Chrome and I are working out our performance bit for tonight’s entertainment and getting ready and before we know it we’re out the door again trekking it to Brooklyn. In all the excitement, I leave my gloves on the train and my hands are freezing, but its just a minor detail and who cares. We arrive just at the time we wanted to and Chrome rings up and I follow her and hide in the stairwell right outside her apartment. I can hear the screams and giggles and general buzz from the party. Lots on energy in that place. and I’m standing in the stairwell holding the tiara I’ve brought for the BirthdayGirl to wear and I have to pee like a Russian racehorse.

I have never been able to play hide and go seek. The minute, and I MEAN THE VERY MINUTE I get hidden. Pee. So my heart is pounding and by pounding, you can see my scarf moving in and out, and my head is racing and I am so excited to share in this birthday that I am THIS CLOSE to bursting out in tears….all the while I’m standing alone in the stair well.

I had planned to stay a bit longer, but well. had to pee. and just couldn’t wait to see Kizz’s face. so I walk around and knock on the door that was ajar and the first face I see is PonyExpress, who I haven’t seen in a few years and doubt she recognizes me. There was a moment of GAH! I said Where’s (and I meant to say Kizz but I think I said Chrome) and it didn’t matter anyway because from across the room I caught her eyes and she screamed OH MY GOD YOU AREN’T IN TULSA* OH MY GOD OH MY GOD and ran across the room trailing droplets of champagne along the way. We screamed and hugged and…..then cried. and it really could have been the ugly cry. I was that worked up. and I love this girl that much. But again…had to pee.

*everyone on Facebook has been in on the ruse of me and Mgirl taking the weekend trip to Tulsa. writing on each others walls. there were a few close calls but the secret was kept and Kizz was really surprised.

The party was fabulous. I got to meet all of Kizz’s people. Pony Express, who I’ve known but it’s been some years since I’ve seen her. MamaKizz, SoDivine, QueeenBee, AudioGirl…the gang was there! Aaron and his girls arrived and a Saginaw Reunion was happening. We walked around the block to the coffee shop for warm drinks, entertainment, more talking, and I got facetime with Seth and his lovelygirlHubble, Abby.

As it happens when worlds collide, my brain was racing. My heart was full. I was grabbing bits of time with everyone I could Watching Kizz enjoy her tribe. Seth and I had a good talk, and God bless him, I think he finally gave me insight to this thing I’ve been doing all year. He was encouraging about my upcoming auditions and we talked about our mutual friends here in OKC. Abby was just perfect. She’s funny and witty and gorgeous and smart and just everything that one would want in a partner for your friend. We made plans with Aaron to meet up the next day and shuffled back to Kizz’s apartment to warm up and get the backpack of mine that I left.

This was perhaps the part of the night that made me hurt the most. From laughing. MamaKizz and SoDivine are perhaps two of the funniest women that I’ve ever met. And I don’t think they are trying to be. It’s not a ba-dum-ba kind of funny. It just an oh-my-god-that-was-brilliant kind of funny. PonyExpress even traded seats with me for fear of my falling over backwards from the laughing. Good stuff.

it was a cold ass trek back to Astoria but we made it and we got up and did it again the next morning for brunch. Bagels and schmear and mimosas at the apartment and then a quick jaunt into Chinatown to deposit the New Hampshire ladies onto their bus, a quick shopping trip for a new purse for myself and for QueenBee, then back at the apartment and hanging out with Aaron, Amy and Miss Marilyn. Laughter, tears, guacamole and chips, cold beer, some football, talk of times past, talking with Dion the Chicago Mafia Princess, playing with the child who is really, light years ahead of all of us, saying good bye to the family, watching the Golden Globes, looking at the beautiful full moon…it was all so good.

magic.

The next morning, I took myself from Queens into Manhattan and met Kizz at the Drama Bookshop where I picked up a few scripts for play committee meeting then we hustled ourselves over to the Edison Cafe (God Bless you Roger for giving us that place) and had our usual brunch of french toast and corned beef hash. MMMMMMM MMMMMMM GOOD! We then hit the train, and met Chrome and said our goodbyes and an hour or so later Chrome deposited me at the airport with hugs and love and again…I was on a plane.

sigh.

The travel day was smooth and easy. I was just worn out. I still kind of am. I am so blessed with these lovely people in my life. and now I have NEW lovely people…QueenBee I heart you!!! I’m still playing catch up and getting back into things like dealing with the bank and picking up the house that the livestock demolished.

SERIOUSLY DEMOLISHED. chairs overturned. all of the pictures on the back of the piano are knocked down. the candle sticks are stuck between the wall and piano. there are two collars in the kitchen floor and tufts of hair scattered ALL OVER THE PLACE!

So my week will be getting back to normal. I got a call from my bank guy and it looks like I AM going to get to refinance my house, significantly lowering my payment. THANK GOD!

Right now, I’m sure you’re sick of my babble and I need more coffee. There’s a lot going on. Gert is in the process of crazy life changing stuff. Go give her a hollar and an Atta Girl. Chrome is living the life and though she will give you an itemized list of reasons she’s isn’t, I maintain that she’s living it well. Kizz is still recovering from the weekend but I think will post pics soon. I still can’t
find my stinkin cord to hook up my camera but maybe that’ll happen this week.

Happy Humping Day everyone! I’m getting more coffee.

Way back on Friday I worked half a day and went to the airport to begin Operation Surprise The Hell Outta Kizz. This seems like a relatively normal thing to do, get up, go to work, drive to the airport, park, take the giddy up to the check in and get thru security.

Once I get thru security, then I breathe easy. Up until then, I am a little jittery. Too many variables. Flat tire. Forgotten luggage. bla bla bla. But once I get in, I’m fine. And yes, I am usually early. Pretty ridiculously early but it’s my time and I am by myself so who the hell cares, right? I’ve got reading material. I am good as gold.

So I get to the airport around noon thirty. My flight leaves at 2:30. It’s not busy, so I get right thru the counter and security, making chit chat with all of them, and find a seat and begin to read. Oh first I get a Sonic tea and then sat down and began to read and text with friends.

The Redhead is flying from Miami this same afternoon. So he texts and we are both in the airport. He’s waiting for baggage, I’m waiting for time to board. During the texting, someone comes across the intercom and announces ” Waka Waka waka blarg blarggidy flagh to Atlanta has been delayed two hours.” None of us hear the beginning of the announcement, and begin to walk around like rats in a maze with our little pully bags trailing behind us. flickity flickity flickity flickity. A Delta person comes out finally and confirms that yes. We are delayed. The next flight out is at 4. We have another two hours to hang out. I’m fine. This is all fine. My connecting flight has been rescheduled, I text Chrome that it’s gonna be around 10 pm now, fine. Done. I go in search of the redhead to kill some time.

He in all of his hungover glory (was at the OU game previous night dirty dancing with our friends Gin&Tonic)is at the Northwest counter in search of his Blue 22. (that’s the technical term for his missing bag) The blue22 was in the belly of the 420 and now it’s turned up missing. (we found out today that it rode home with the OU team.) But whatever, we hang out, laugh a little and kill some time. He then stumbles his pale face out into the wild blue and I head thru security once again.

This time, Larry, Moe and Dumbshit are behind the x-ray machine. (OH for Clemo to have been at my airport) and mind you, I”ve already cleared security so I’m wondering what the holdup is on my carry on. Behind the x-ray television, I hear Moe mutter “Is that a golash?” (i have rain/snow boots in the flickity flick) I chime in, “uhh, actually it is a pair of leopard print golashes. a pair. plural. not just ah golash, I will have you know.” And we’re laughing and funny ha ha and Curly speaks up and says, “well. is that a tiara inside the golash?”
“yes. yes it is. I don’t leave home without it. You see, I look normal…”

it was here that I shut up. Possibly not funny to joke about looking normal at the security checkpoint. Just shut up and motor on. and I do.

My lips feel chapped from all the stupid smiling I’ve done thus far today so I hit the bathroom and put my backpack on the counter/vanity thingy and begin to unload the scarf and coat that I will wear soon enough in this journey in order to find some lip stuff. Well upon unloading the stuff, my pack gets wobbly and falls into the sink activating the auto water faucet and filling itself up with water. I yelp and pull the books out and yelp some more and look around for the freakin cameras. Oh well. it was kind of funny. Lips applied and I look at the time and Hey! I’ve been here long enough that it’s happy hour at Sonic! (half price fountain drinks from 2-4 for the non local readers) So flickity flickity flickity flick, I make my way down and order a Rt 44 ice tea.

we don’t have happy hour at the airport.

You’re damned right you don’t. and look where it’s gettin ya. gah. I just order a water with lemon and lime. I mean shit. I’ve already been here long enough to spend ten dollars. Good God. I could have worked a few more hours!

Ok. so whatever. Go sit and read. Well first of all. Anyone traveling needs to take this man with them. I was reading this and GUFFAWing out loud about every other paragraph. My phone was Chinese ringing from texts with Mgirl and I notice that the guy sitting across the say from me was giving me the skunk eye. I felt kind of bad until I saw that he was reading that nut job Ann Coulter’s book. Then I laughed louder and wished like hell I had worn my Obama shirt. (in actuality, I ran out of work wearing our Botox ad shirts and was wearing that instead. yeah. cuz this is the face of Botox.)

FINALLY we board!!! And it’s a little plane. We go outside on the ground and walk up the stairs. Whatever I’m just glad to be going. The flight is uneventful other than the fact that I am cackling like Macbeth’s witches at the book. GO. READ. NOW. But the girl in front of me is yaking on the phone. I swear to GOD, ya’ll, she’s is one of the real housewives of Atlanta. Bravo hasn’t seen anything like this. She’s smackin her gum and talking in her best outside Atlanta voice, “Ass. Ass he is my homey. Sho nuff. He’s my homey. He’s my homey” she said it so many times the whole fucking plane knew that ass, (yes) ass he was her homey. Thanks to FAA regulations, she had to “shut this shit down and will call you when I get to Atlanta”

God Bless the F.A.A.

Atlanta! At last! and everyone on the plane is freaking out about missing their connections and I know mine is safe and I get my gate and pick up my flickity flick and off I go.

WOAH! Things have changed. We’re at a different gate. Ok. Fine. I find it and well well well. We are boarding! Fuck around. I wanted to grab something to eat but ok whatever. Let’s get this ball into the game and giddyup. So we all get in a single file line, and gather our appropriately tagged carry on’s and off we go.

Flickity flickity flickity flickity clomp clomp clomp itsfuckingcold flickity flickity flickity clomp clomp ireallywantsomegin.

WOAH again! There’s a dude turning us all around and telling us that maintinence is on board and we have to turn around and head back. The crazy women that are in front of me start spitting nails. With NY accents! AWESOME! So we get back in, grumble into a seat and wait. We get the announcement that there is in fact maintinence being done on our plane and we’ve been delayed thirty minutes. I text Chrome and we push back the pick up yet again.

Well kids, I would love to tell you that thirty minutes was all it was…but you know better than that. Every fifteen minutes the time would be pushed back. Not enough time to go find some real food, no not at all. But every fifteen minutes. I sent a text to Gert saying, “Stupid Atlanta.Now I know why they burnt this motherfucker.”

Finally I said to this woman who I’d made friends with, I said, “I’m going next door to put my beak in some gin. If we board, you just let out a scream and I’ll be right there.”

Ahh. I had myself a drink. watched a little of the Celtics game and was still feeling ok about the delay, just getting a little tired. Worn out. And by now, the tribe is restless and about ready for blood. As I’m on the phone with Chrome, the guy comes over the intercom and says “well folks, it looks like the plane needed a new battery. Turns out they put the wrong battery in and had to take it out and put in the new battery but as I was walking in I did hear the engine start so that’s a good sign! We may begin boarding soon!”

HALAKALEEM!!! We have an engine that runs! Signs of intelligent life!

We did board and the poor flight attendent was having her ass eaten out in small bits by everyone that got on.

How long is the flight? When will we land? Bla Bla Bla Fuckity Flarn Frack. I just smiled at her and said, “honey. We’re prolly gonna need some drinks!” She laughed and agreed. it’s a full flight, another little plane though. I however am in the second row. So close to the front, and knowing I’ll be one of the first people off the plane makes me happy. The girl sitting next to me gets her seat belt on and immediately closes her eyes and begins to sleep. I’m just kind of wired. so just sitting. There are two ladies across the aisle from me who are chattin it up. We also have three babies and two children on the plane.

Gah. This could really get nasty, I’m thinking, all the kids and the babies and the noise and WHAT THE FUCK THE CHICK SITTIN NEXT TO ME HAS HER HEAD IN A LAYS POTATO CHIP BAG AND IS PUKING UP HER GUTS!!!

really?
REALLY????

And kids for some reason I went into survivor mode. I was all tap tap tap I need your puke sack. hand it over. yours, and yours, and i will have yours too. Lady in uniform, I need some water, and more bags and wet naps and I need it now. I turn on the air, and put some wet cloth on her neck and wipe the bits off her face. We’re gonna just go with the fact that it’s chip residue from the bag. That’s what we’re going with. I grab my vitamin water from my back pack and shove it in her face for her to sip or gargle with I dont really care. We get new materials and trade out the soiled bags and rags. Finally FINALLY we have leveled off enough for the lady to get her some sprite and she heads to the bathroom. I’m sani-wiping myself down with such a force that I should be re-virginized I’m so clean. I walk up to Cherie. Our flight attendent and say, “honey. I’m gonna need that gin now. All of it. Don’t sell any to anyone else.”

Well bless her heart she only has two baby bottles left and I lay claim to both of them. She just leaves the can of tonic with me too! The ladies across the way are clucking and cooing about my helping Ms. Pukey Pants and one tells me “if I had some paper and scissors, I’d make you a medal!”

well. that’s nice. ok.

she then asks where I’m from and I say Oklahoma City. She then looks me dead in the eye and asks,

is that in Kansas?

yes.
yes it is.

no, actually it’s the capital of the state of Oklahoma.

Like the musical?

yep.

cept we have more meth and less singing.

are you fucking kidding me with this??? SERIOUSLY WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS?????

I drink my gin. I tip the girl. She comes back by and slips something in my hand, a folded up napkin that contained my money and a note that said

the second one is on the house.

and we landed. and Chrome met me with a peanut butter sandwich and sun chips and a pepsi. and we drove to her apartment and laughed and laughed and laughed. and knew that when I woke up I would see snow. I would see Kizz and I would be happy.

but that fuckin day…man it tried to eat me.

ass. ass it did.