Had a few minor heart attacks this morning, but I got lots figured out. Main thing is, my bills are paid and I have a teensy amount as a cushion till I start making tips this week. Main thing is I fired my re-fi guy and got myself a new one.

When I left Ty’s office last week, he said to me, next week you will hear form me every day. I’ll put you at the top of my priority list and you will hear from me one way or another everyday next week.

Ok.

Today is Wednesday and no word…so I called. And he had the nerve to get snarky with me!!! “Oh you’re right. I did say that. I’ll make it a point to call you everyday at 10:30”

Forget that shit. I called my friend Caro and got her guy and called him and told Ty to just throw everything away. I wasn’t working with him. EVER. What a fuckstick. Just because I don’t have a 150,000 house doesn’t mean I’m worthless! GAH.

so whatever. I’m trying not to be pissed. I’m trying not to think about the week after Christmas when I called him, and all this time has been wasted…no. not wasted. everything it the right time…I know. I know. I’m working on blessing it and letting it go.

It helped that I was busy today. Tomorrow I will go get my cosmotology license renewed and weigh in, I have a few appointments and the weather is on an upswing here. We’re to hit the 70’s by the weekend so maybe that will help business. Life is good.

and Life, a new episode is a mere 7 minutes away!!!

LIFE RETURNS TO THE SMALL SCREEN TONIGHT!!!

just when you thought it was time to crawl under the covers and sign off for good…the universe gives us new eps of my second favorite redhead!!!

Set the DVR’s people…it’s gonna be a good one!

I’m feeling a little better. My mental health is always helped out by getting bills paid. I’m still pretty tight and everything I make this week will have to go into the bank to pay a few bills that are coming due but so far…so good. Breathing easier.

My mood is also helped out by not having to drink crappy coffee this morning. I threw in another buck and bought some Folgiers beans yesterday. Mmm Mmm Good. I didn’t do my morning pages yesterday morning. and had a sense of guilt all day over it. Methinks the Artist’s Way is supposed to NOT increase the guilt however…it’s me. I did write this morning. I haven’t done any exercises yet, but plan to do some homework tonight.

My rehearsals start next Monday!!! WOO HOOOO!!! Our cast is complete and I’m really excited to get to know everybody. This week is shaping up to be a good one, Biggest Loser tonight, I am bound and determined to get some working out time in at the gym and some yoga on the dvd. Friday is my volunteer work! All I can think of is the Friends ep when Joey was answering phones on tv! Saturday I’m going to see a play with the redhead. Sunday is committee meeting…vroom vroom!!! there goes week one of February!

Oh, MGirl has alerted me to the fact that Soapnet is having a contest for best worst date stories. I’m heading over to their website to see if my experiences last year qualify me!

Happy happy day!

Yesterday turned fun, despite my Knots. At play selection, we decided on a few shows, three for sure I think. We gathered more scripts and are meeting again next week. We’ve got to decide and I think next week, or maybe the week after is it for that! I love getting back into this scene. I enjoy these people in my life. I enjoy being a PART of something! This Friday night, I’m going to volunteer for C2 and man the phones at our PBS station during Begging Week! How fun will that be?!?!?! I’m excited about doing it, and I think Gert and Joe are along for the ride as well. Anyone else wanna? We are desperate for volunteers! Let me know.

The SuperBowl party at the bar was fun. I won 25 bucks on gambling squares and won 2nd place in the chili cookoff and a t-shirt. My winnings allowed me to not spend one single dime on my tab!!! I was home by 11ish and crashed.

Today was fairly productive. MGirl and I went and got our taxes done. She’s got a woman in Yukon who has done hers forever so I tagged along. This is the first year I got to itemize, and am getting a nice little chunk back. It cost me 200 bucks though. GULP! Another bummer, I don’t’ qualify for the First Time Homeowner Credit of 7500 bucks. The dates, arbitrary as they are are from April 8, 2008 thru July 1 2009. I closed on my house St Patricks Day of 08. FLOP. Ok, well fine. I was really worried about the payback anyway, however I’d already kind of gotten my head wrapped around new windows and a fence and some insulation in the attic….sigh. Money is just tough ya’ll. I did get payed today, and tried to pay bills online, and it’s jacked up so will try it again later. GAH…I’m really working on being responsible and thrifty and conscious of spending…it’s starting to wear me out. I need a week on the beach.

I’ve done laundry, and clean sheets and made the bed and groceries for the week and washed my car, so today feels accomplished. I’m going to veg out until comedy tonight. How was your Monday? Here’s to a new week, a new month!

Well folks, I did make a little commission yesterday after it was all said and done. which allowed my shoulders to move a little lower. Went out with one of my Other Sisters for some nachos and beers. She’s been cargiving another Other for two weeks and needed some facetime other than family. I’ve been harboring a shitty mood, mulling and seething and perfecting it all week and needed chips and cheese and laughing. We accomplished all of that and home early.

I went to a different church this morning. One of my favorite clients invited me. . . the whole month, starting today, is about marriage. and at the beginning of service, I felt open and happy and inspired and eager to refill. by the end of it, well. Knots. Knots up and down my spine, into my shoulder blades and neck. and I felt it. I felt it creeping up. Black. Dark. Thick. Negative.

I wanted to just get up and leave.

Don’t read this as a take on the church, or organized religion, or how you personally feel about either of them. I probably feel differently.

But the topic. I just wanted to scream, I TRIED THAT. TWICE. AND SITTING HERE LISTENING TO YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT REAFFIRMS THE FACT THAT JUST BECAUSE WE WANT SOMETHING AND JUST BECAUSE WE ARE GIVEN THE TOOLS TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS AT IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. . . now does it.

So. clearly there were buttons that were pushed today. I aknowledge that and will work this week thru my Artist’s Way, and personal exercises including the yoga to get centered enough to get a fucking grip on it.

Just letting you know where I am right now.

actually, RIGHT NOW, I’m heading to play committee meting. I’ve read two really good ones. FUGUE by Lee Thuna. I’m giving a 4. The Dazzle by Richard Greenburg, another 4. I’m in the middle of The Jammer by Rolin Jones, and so far, I’m really liking the flow of the dialogue. Jack Goes Boating is somehow blocked for me. I cannot figure out how to get into it. so I’m just taking it back and going to not rate it. whatever. sometimes it just doesnt work out in my brain. I also hope to talk to my director and get details on the show and rehearsals and get a script to start working on.

Then, onto the bar for our chili cook off and SuperBowl!!!

I hope you are having a great day. Don’t worry about my mental health. I’m as stable as I am on any other given Sunday…just a little wobbly sometimes.