The Next Big Thing.

Yep. Gert you hit it on the head. I told Joe on Sunday over a cold beer….I’m BOOOOOOOOOOOORED. With life. With everything. With all of every single tiny teensy eeensy weensey bit of all of it. BORED.

He seemed a little taken aback and pointed out what my life has held the last two years.

Left a long standing horribly destructive relationship
Moved without a cent to your name, to the Frontier. Blessed be the Frontier. Blessed be the Bonusmom.
Worked.
Worked.
Worked.
Played a lot.
Bought a house.
Moved into a house.
Paid for a house for a year.
Did a show.
Crushed pretty hard on a boy for about a year.
Finally blessed that and let it go.
Dabbled in the pizza business. (pizza is a euphimisim. just leave it at that)
Got out of the pizza business.
Made a bunch of new friends.
Reconnected with old ones.
Got back onstage.

so how the hell can I be bored with my life?
How?

Yes. I know I need to be writing. I have had more than fifty people, random and disconnected people tell me I should be doing stand up. writing and stand up. scare the shit out of me, the thought after that thought? makes me vomit. so maybe I need to do what scares me the most. maybe.

scuse me whilst I puke.

k. back now.

but yes. T.N.B.T.
I’m waiting. I need it. I am CRAVING something. and for a long while I thought it was a relationship. and fuck. maybe it is. I doubt it. I really doubt it. I think it’s something else…a relationship with something/someone else…and I can’t see who or what it is.

but I’m antsy.
anxious.

what the hell am I waiting for????

—to be continued. no doubt about that.

Sippin my coffee this morning, doing my daily routine, reflecting on my routine I wonder if there is room for anyone else here. I snooze a few times, I get up and throw on whatever piece of clothing is by my bed and stumble into the office to open back door, call for cats and revive the computer. Head to the kitchen. Feed cats their moist, turn on faucet for their drinking ability. Make coffee. Turn on tv to Today show, channel four. Turn off faucet, pour coffee, come back to office and write awhile.

huh. while I was doing my moring reflection I rememberd a dream I had last night. Someone gave me two little girls.

yeah. I know.

WHAT THE HELL???

Maybe because I was watching the behind the scenes of the White House special last night. Maybe because one of my managers is fostering two little girls and their time is almost up to go back. I have no idea the origin of the dream, cant remember. All I remember–oh. the book I was reading last night dealt with a birth as well. anyways, all I remember is calling my moms and yelling…HELP!!!! I have kids!!! and wondering where the hell I was gonna put them. On the fouton with all the books? In the spare room with all the laundry? In my room? where would I put my shoes? It was pretty ridiculous that I own a three bedroom home and in my dream there was no room for anyone else.

is this Freudian, do you think? Am I subconciously closed off to anything that doesn’t have four legs and eat oceanwhitefish blended foods? Wow. the more I think about it the more I wonder…maybe. Maybe I am.

Well. That didn’t happen in a day, so it probably won’t disappear with a dream either. You know what DID happen in a day? THIS THING CALLED MY ASS!!! HOLY SHIT folks. I don’t know what the hell happened. I really don’t. I know I went eating crazed during rehearsals and the show and those crazy crazy hours I was keeping but sweet baby moses, I am all of a sudden sitting awkwardly and walking with another shadow!

woof. to that. I say.

I need more coffee. and some inspiration for my 11 hour day. Hows about a bit of this?

HA! After a call from Mom, and an email from BonusMom, I guess I need to get back on here. I’ve just been super busy since Thursday last, being social, staying out. Being sleepy. Working and saving. Working more. Praying for clients and tips and all of that. Just been busy.

I’ve been spending time outside in my yard when I get home. Did that last night. Came home from work, figured out some sort of pasta slurry from my freezer and pantry and whirrled that into dinner, sat outside and read till dark, then inside to the bed. Bed early lately.

So I haven’t been doing much online. That’s where I’ve been. Last week I did comedy shows both Friday and Saturday, then skipped the Monday show and got a call from the guys asking where was I. HOME! not showering for the whole day, is where I am! ha!

I am reading like a crazy person. Just finished the fourth Big Stone Gap book. Delish. I have Lucia, Lucia by the same author to start today. I read two by Ann Patchett last week. Also started a memoir that I randomly picked up months ago called I’m Not Myself…or something like that. It’s good. Reminds me of Dry.

I am thinking about finding a second job. Nights. Cleaning offices or somethign like that. I’m just thinking about it…but if anyone hears of anything part time, that I could do with my schedule…drop it on me.

In that vein, I’m cancelling my cable today. Most of it. Keeping the piddly basic stuff. Yep. This means, no True Blood this summer. No Anthony Bourdain. But whatever. It has to happen. over forty bucks I can save…fucking adulthood.

Chrome isn’t feeling very shiney this week. Head over and give her a chin up boobs out…I feel ya sister. It sucks…no words can describe. bleargh.

What else??? How are you? got plans for the summer? Are you traveling? Mom, do you have my birth certificate??? I need it. Still going to get my passport even though I cant go anywhere. I have dreams. Big Eye-Tallian dreams.