It’s the day of the test, ya’ll.
As I went to sleep, I repeated the mantra, “It will be fine. You can take it again. Go do what you can do.”
Here’s what I know.
With some reasonable, meditative kind of mindset my chances of doing well on the Reasoning and the Verbal are beyond good. My chances of doing well on the Quantative are dependent on how calm I can remain and not block myself because I have the fear of the math, and the lack of any recall on doing anything aside from counting and basic functions.
It was years ago, grade school years, when I was diagnosed with dyscalculia. I remember having to do “therapy” but that wasn’t ever really enforced at home, so it just kind of went away. I flip numbers. I skip, skim, delete numbers altogether. At that point, comprehension becomes a mute point.
But I have people in my life who can and will help me, should I decide do to this a second time and raise that score.
I know that the admittance is not based solely on this test score.
I also know that everyone applying to these programs will be the best of the best.
I want to be part of that group.
No matter what happens, this will be done by 1:00 pm today. During these morning hours, in that moment between thoughts, as you’re applying on some chapstick, or refilling your cup of tea, as you’re walking from your car into work, or trying not to get frustrated on your commute because there’s some jackhole on your train that smells like patchouli, in that space between the space in your brain…
send a little focus my way, would you?
Buster sent me a GRRR GRRRRRRRRR which translates into KICK THIS TEST’S BUTT! (I’m sure)
For you, Buster, I will give it my all.
Misti Ridiculous 
You remember when we used to drive through and you’d crawl on to the floor of the car because I was so evil? Do you remember when we used to get way drunk the night before… well, anything, just because? Who cares? Test? Smest. Study… lord. We studied hats and boots and jeans. You can’t pay someone to care. I learned that in my venture as a restaurant owner. It was my thing… my life goal… my business… but I couldn’t pay someone enough to give a shit. You care. I see that. Your actions reflect all of that. What did it cost us? A few laughs, a few nights on a barstool, some decisions, some time off the clock… honey we needed it. We were wild and off the leash. Who you are now… is what you have become. Makes me squirt tears and gives my heart a lift… because of all our laughter… you have become this. Now just get up on that bar rail and dance. Their may not be an immediate long island iced tea in a quart jug at the end of this… nor a cowboy…its so much better… because you and your life are waiting/happening at the end of this. So much better with the choices these days. But those days we didn’t choose well, so necessary.
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I had no idea there was such a thing as dyscalculia. Makes so much sense though. You are right. See what scores you end up with and then prepare more. For now, breathe, rest, enjoy a little. I so admire this journey you are on.
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