It was a puke and rally kind of day yesterday.
After the evisceration that happened to my paper, I immediately took refuge in the rabbit hole of doom and gloom and nothing nice. By the time I got home yesterday morning, I’d worked myself into a crying jag that lasted till about errrmmmmmmm….4pm. No joke. I had to self medicate a tiny bit just to get through our group presentation.
Ridiculous. So ridiculous.
I met with my professor. She was everything that an advocate for a student should be. The experience reminded me so much of the sessions I had with Ma in her office during my USAO years that I cried more out of nostalgia.
She gave me an amazing talk. Pep talk. Informative talk. Woman to woman talk.
In this semester, when I’ve so tunnel visioned my life to focus only on this, and then with the advent of the new relationship and my focus onto that, I have been sorely missing my friends. This came just at the time it was needed the most.
Life usually delivers that way, yet it’s so easy to forget.
The paper, is going to be finished today. I’ve cleared my work schedule, re-booked all of my clients for another day, and am about to get dressed and head to the library where I shall live until it’s all finished. My prof gave me insight, detail, even research and ways to look at it.
“The reason I’m being so hard on you is because I know where you want to go. I know what you want to do. I couldn’t look you in the eye if I let you move forward into a ph.d program and not learn these lessons here, in a safe space, where I can help you.”
Goddangit. I’d just gotten the tears under control.
Last night was my final class session for Literary Criticism. I have a final next wednesday and really great notes to study from. I have no idea about the grade in that class. We’ll just see, right?
I have to say, this guy of mine? He’s aces. I have behaved like a crazy person, who on top of that, went crazy, this week. He has continued to hold my hand, to offer words of comic genius that carry me through the day, and to remain this calming, steady influence while I’ve spun around and around and around and around again. I don’t know who’s looking more forward to the end of this semester. Really.
With that, I’m off to put on pants.
The library awaits.