So, the debate last night? It was ok. It wasn’t what I guess I’m itching for…everytime McCain spoke in that condecending tone of voice I wanted to scream. The word goodies will always and forever have an icky connotation for me now. Obama was steadfast as usual. Tom Brokaw, bless his heart was more of a kid wrangler with the time limits. and the audience? They must have been threatened within an inch of their lives if they show ANY emotion on their face…I’m ready for voting. Seriously.

Anyone else got the whelms? Over or under? I’m going back and forth between the two, never just steadfast at whelmed.

My heart is really heavy today because…well, I poked the bear and got what I asked for. Way back when, there was a girl at work who was my friend. Ours wasn’t a friendship that was perfect, and trended more to the parental side with me being the parent. Her words. Not mine. We’d been together since the first day of hair school. Well…for many reasons, she’s moved elsewhere with her life and just as effectively moved me out of it. This is not what I’m bemoaning. Totally in sync with my concept of forever and limited windows of time with relationships. The thing is people…when she left, she burnt so many bridges, burnt so many friends, really made things more difficult and ugly for her and everyone around her. Throughout all of that, I tried really hard not to go into the muck. Yes, she’s a difficult personality. But she never personally attacked me, so a lot of that crap, I could forgive. Plus, I just don’t carry around extra junk anymore. So I blessed it and let it go.

She’s about to deliver her first child in a few weeks and after several attempts and rebuffs at contact, I finally wrote to her and the response was…typical. Apparently SHE is completely hurt. SHE doesn’t understand my actions, how I could do that to HER. Bla bla bla, it’s hard to hear her from way up there on the cross.

I was so wrong about her. And I’m sad sad sad for her. I’m not angry at her for feeling what she feels, totally her choice. I mean, at first, knee jerk reaction, I was angry. What the HELL?? I was the one who took the high ground with her. I was the one who just blew it all off and forged ahead. what the hell does she have to be hurt over??? But then I calmed down and realized she can feel whatever she wants to. It’s perfectly her m.o. for relationships. I am just kind of heavy over it, and I guess, needed to work through it.

I do think that forever, the concept of forever is really just one day at a time. I’ve thought that waaaaaaaaay back to the first ex. I think possibly we all get a finite window of time. That some things are only ours for awhile. So maybe she and I were only supposed to get a few years. The end. But you all who know me know how I feel about goodbyes….not my favorite.

Gah. Shake it off.

Guess what I got in the mail this morning? The last two dvd’s of the first season of LIFE!!! So I’m starting my day with some verve and slurp. It’s Humping Day after all…good GOD for a redhead in blue…sigh.

Yeah, remember Monday when I said I’m done I’m done I”M DONE!?!?!?!?
i’m still done. but it’s harder on this day. not easier. Gah.

I’m home for the evening. Felt a little of the funk today and have decided to forgo a watch party for the debate in favor of the couch and soft clothes. I’m geared up for it though…hopefully we’ll get ourselves a dose of The Sork.

I need some West Wing in my life.

It was a busy weekend.
Race for the Cure on Saturday. It was awesome! Team WOW was in full effect and we all felt good for joining in. Gert’s kiddo, Noodle, raced her first one. She proclaimed at the beginning that “she was beating all of us” not realizing that there were something over 18,000 participants! A few of us went to brunch after to slop up some delicious and mimosas. Home to nap then I got up and went to a mini-high school reunion at a local watering hole.

We’ve all met up recently on Facebook, and decided to gather for facetime. I was really nervous, those same old feelings of “what will they think of me, do I look ok, what do I have to give to this round table meeting” were there and the minute I got to the table, they flew out the window. It was just fun. Twenty years ago, this group would have never gathered. That was awesome.

Today I got up for a hair class in Norman. It was BORE-ing. with a capital BORE. But whatever. I was busy dealing with the people inside my head…busy figuring out the course of my life and if that course will include someone…

Most of you know I’ve been harboring some feelings for a certain guy and while our friendship has bloomed and blessed abundantly…it’s not going in the direction that I would really really like for it to go. SO…I’m saying when.

No more time in my head. No more reading between the lines. No more. Just no. And that sucks. Mostly because it sends me back to that place where I second guess myself and feel vulnerable and wonky. Where I wonder did I make this all up? Am I able to create something out of nothing? Did I do that??? gah.

And the answer is –quite possibly–but quite possibly not. It doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s not what I want, and that is answer enough. I want more. Better. Greater than anything previous.

So I say when.

I’m glad for this decision. It’s been a year of reckoning and choosing and deciding for me. Big stuff. I’ve delt with the ex-husband. finally. yes. and it is good and it is fine and that’s all I’m saying about that. But I’ve done some metaphysical house cleaning and feel really good about that. I don’t want what is coming to me to be tainted by sins of the past. Fresh start. Clean slate. This thing…that I’m saying when to…I don’t feel as strong about it as I think I should but everyday is more knowledge and more growth. everyday will be easier.

So that’s where I am today.

it’s another busy week for me, including the debate, working, theatre, birthdays, weekends full of visits and meetings and helping get ready for fall fest.

How’s your day?

As per requested by Kizz…here’s the link to donate for my team in tomorrow’s Race For The Cure.

Kizz has been busy putting up pics on her Flicker site. Go. Have a cookie lookie. The one that is captioned “this is what Zelda looks like when you’re full of shit” cracked me smooth up.

Just got home from seeing the final dress of The Laramie Project. I’ve never seen the stage production nor the movie. I was not blown away. Some of the words were beautiful. The entire project is something that I like thinking about…this creation by the Tectonic Theatre Project…this group of people who created this…piece that tells a story and while the object of the story does not…it lives on. THAT I love.

There’s some backstory on the theatre company that I can’t say anything about here that fully puts into place the reasons for some of the shaky bits. I wasn’t blow away by the acting and in fact, was downright annoyed by two actors. Gah. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! THEY are working??? jeez.

In other news I went to weigh in today. If you remember, last week at NYC and the meeting led by The Prophet, I had a gain. A freakin FIVE POUND gain. And I owned it. I owned the hell out of that french toast and corned beef hash covered in syrup that I ate for lunch that day, as well as the ice cream the night before and the jr mints (a low fat candy since 1949) and dark chocolate peanut m&m’s I ate at intermission. HOWEVER…I didn’t FEEL five pounds heavier. So my point is today, from NYC scales to OKC scales I have lost 6.8 pounds. From OKC scales three weeks ago till now 3.8 or some such. Whatever. It’s a loss. 6.8 is almost unbelievable. The most I’ve ever lost in one week is five. So whatever. I’ll take it. I WILL TAKE IT!!!!

Gert got good news today. She’s over on Hysteria Lane gluing herself back together. Thanks for the love and light. Now, I want you to send more over to Chrome tomorrow. She’s got a day.

It’s 11:30 and I maybe will have some company tomorrow and need to pick some things up around the house and do some cleaning and figure out what black I’m wearing tomorrow. Have a nice night and a Happy Friday!!!

Got paid yesterday. It was better than I expected. Not great, but enough to pay the mortgage with just a few pennies left over. I gathered tips and got about a hundred bucks to deposit, so there’s two bills paid. It always seems to happen. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Glory glory glory!

Yesterday was fairly busy. Some gaps in the day, but it worked out that I connected with BonusMom and got the RFTC packets to give out. If you’re reading this, I HAVE THEM AND NEED TO GET THEM TO YOU TONIGHT OR TOMORROW!!! Contact me please and thank you and I’ll bring them by!

Got up this morning and ran some errands, I need to be picking up the house but what the hay. I’ll do that tomorrow! Or tonight. but tonight I may get to catch the opening performance of The Laramie Project. Hopefully.

What else? Send Gert some lovin’ today around 3pm. It’s Judgement Day. I know she’s freaking the hell out and needs all of our love and support and good vibes sent her way.

I’m concerned that the recycle guys drove past my house and didn’t pick up my stuff. It’s a lot out there, and because it’s bagged up it looks like trash trash, not recycle trash. And because I started the recycle program at work there is an unusual amount out there. . . and it’s still there. . . sitting in my front yard by the curb. . . waiting. Seems like they usually come early in the morning so I’m getting a sinking feeling that I have to figure out a way to get rid of this stuff my own self. gah.

that might be it from me. Good day to ya!!

October 1st.
Can you believe it? I’m happy.
This day ushers in my favorite time of year. My power months. Now, through January…I love love love it. For me, it all leads up to this. The weather, the season, the things that come along with it. Pumpkins. Football. Leaves turning. Sweatshirts. Fires. Friends. Family. Celebrations.

And with all of the stress that the holidays bring…I still love them. I really do. I’m excited about all of that this year. Firsts for me in my abode. Am having difficulty picturing where my Christmas tree is going to be. Gert will have to come help arrange the furniture for me!

So last night I went to my book club. I can’t tell you how much I really really like it! I have to say, I’m ready to finish this book and move on. We have two more meetings before we begin a new one, so I figure we’ll start talking about the title soon. I like these new people. I think we have many things in common and look forward to really forging new friendships with them. I always feel smarter after I leave. Sitting around an B&N, sippin decaf, taking notes in my composition book with a really good black pen. I feel cool. And it bothers me naught that everyone else at the table is older than me by at least 10-20 years. It doesn’t seem to bother them either.

After I left, I ran by the redhead’s house to drop off NYC things and wound up staying to watch the ep of Fringe with Kizz’s boyfriend Joshua Jackson. It began in Brooklyn so I just KNEW they were going to show the house that we walked past every day. Nope. Not in this ep. Oh well…maybe another time? who knows. Anyways, it was a fun night, good company, lots of laughing during the commercials. Fringe tells you when it will be back…60 seconds, 90 seconds, so you know there is a finite time for chit chat! We made plans to dvr the debate tomorrow and watch on Friday. Fun!

October is already busy. Race for the Cure is Saturday. For everyone reading, I am getting our packets and team shirts sometime today and tomorrow and will get them to you during the evening hours. I’ll be in touch as far as meeting place and parking!

OH MA GAH…Today show is previewing a documentary called “My Fake Baby” regarding these “reborn” babies. Bleagh. These women in Britan are caring for them as if they were real. Oh yeah, and we’ve got some of these ladies here in the States too. They are on with Matt RIGHT NOW!! There’s always someone out there that makes you feel better about YOUR life, eh?

In gearing up for tomorrow’s debate, (which I’m watching on Friday) I leave you with this article written by Eve Ensler, author of the Vagina Monologues. Step-mother to Dylan McDermott. Feminist. Woman. Voter. Her words are her own…but they most certainly ring true for many. When in doubt…research.

I tried to Hulu last season’s episodes of Life this morning. My computer just said no. Never fear, I have the first two discs on their way! And I watched Smart People, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Anyone else?

Here’s to Humpday! Here’s to October 1st. Here’s to PAYDAY! Here’s to a fresh start! Here’s to literature, and friends, and movies, and freedom to think and write and publish whatever you damned well please! Here’s to Damien Lewis. If you see him walking around, please send him to 1618 Andover Court. I’ve plugged in the wax machine. I’ve changed the sheets and vacuumed the furniture free of all cat hair.

It is humpday afterall!!

Having never watched Life before, I was really happy with what I saw. Any other viewers out there? Smart, dry humor…Damien Lewis is slurp-a-licious. The back story is, from what I can gather, a titch complicated so am netflixing it today. Hopefully it will give me some time to get caught up. I’m overloaded with reading/viewing things at this point. But that’s fine. Life could certainly be worse.

Hey, my casserole was really freakin good last night, I must say! I linked the recipe is last night’s post. Try it! mmmm mmmm good.

I don’t have much else this morning. I’m going to work on a ten things to post tonight, try to get back on that wagon.

My boyfriend Matt Lauer just said “texted” text-ed. is that real? I hate that.

Wanna know what else I hate? when your first client texts you at 7:33 in the morning to say she won’t be at her 9am appointment. There goes 120.00 Panic is bubbling up!!! gurgle gurgle gurgle.

Ok. calming down. I’ll use my free time to organize my month of October, plan to see the shows I need/want to see, find a weekend to get down to see Roger and Ma with a truck to get my bed out of their house, work on Fall Fest which is fast approaching…October is already a busy busy month!

Hey guys…have a great day. Take a breath and know I love ya! For one moment, forget all the working, all the business, all the bills and the lies and crys. Smile. You are above ground. You can look at it two ways…this last day of September…you never have to do ever again. Ever. This whole month, this is the last time you have to do it. Or, it’s the last shot at the last day of this month. You never get another chance to do it. ever again… Things…Life…could be worse!

ps I love Damien Lewis. I think he possibly is quite perfect for me…

Thinking I got most of my list done today…I did not mop. I haven’t quite unpacked all the way but everything else is DONE! check! I still need to make salads for lunches this week but in my oven as I type is a muy delicioso vegetable casserole that I found in Better Homes and gardens. I’m excited about it. It’s about 7 points for a big ass serving, so that will be good for the week as well. I don’t have my trusty crock pot here so I’m doing it in the oven.

I napped today. only for about an hour. But it was right after the bail-out plan was killed and the Dow took a header. It’s making me nervous. And I don’t really have any money to speak of.

I’m turning off the tv until Life comes on at 9. I have much reading to do. Bookclub tomorrow night. work late wednesday. the vp debate on thursday. There are several shows opening here that I want to see, so possibly Laramie Project friday at City Rep and then World of Mirth at Ghostlight on Saturday. or some such! Saturday morning is Race for the Cure, so I’m off the whole day! My paycheck will hate me, but I’m looking forward to it!!!

Went to see Choke last night. Have I told you that yet? I really maybe sorta kinda love Sam Rockwell. I’m sure I’m the LAST ONE to this party as par for the course, so those of you who already love him, tell me what else to watch.

I really really loved the movie. There were levels and layers and Angelica Houston was just spot on and Sam Rockwell was one minute this ridiculous disconnected cold fuck-up and the next minute he was as raw and exposed as a man could get. I was all in. Still am. I’m saying thumbs up.

We’ve kind of started this little fun movie club on Sunday nights. We’ve only been twice and club is kind of subjective but whatever. three of us have been both times, and there are others coming and going at their own whim. It’s not exclusive, anyone can play. Next week, Nick and Nora’s Infinate Playlist with my boyfriend Michael Cera.

Ok. Im off this thing for awhile. Need to get some reading done and check the casserole! My play is to read until 9 when LIFE returns with my other boyfriend Damien Lewis. I saw him on the Today show this morning with his little British dialect and juicy mouth….October information??? perhaps. anyways. I’m excited about that.