All apologies for any offence taken about the LifeChurch comment I made below. I have several friends who are very much at home and feel very filled and spiritually lead by this organization. I in no way, meant to imply that it didn’t do that.

It doesn’t do that for me.

I’m just much more of a traditionalist when it comes to that. Not bad. Just different. So if you’re reading, I thank you for reading. And again, so sorry for the stepping in it.

I’m sad.
And I feel selfish. really really selfish.

I’m sad, to the bone sad for losing PapaJames. But I am so thankful that the Lord saw fit to take him from the miserable miserable existence he was living. Meme, bless her crazy soul. . . well they have been battling in circles for some years. He with the Parkinson’s and the Alzheimer’s and she with the brain cloud, walking around hiding his glasses making him think he was going crazy. . . just bad news. And towards the end, they had to shave his mustache because of the food and drool…just thought of that. I bet he won’t have it. Oh. man.

I’m sad…because I just wish I had someone to hold me tonight. Not a random, faceless someone. Not that at all. I wish I had that best friend, who knows me, who laughs with me, talks with me about anything and everything. Someone who doesn’t smoke pot or do drugs. (you wouldn’t believe how difficult that first part is to find around here) Someone who understands that I will have to work long hours and will be tired when I get home, who doesn’t need me to be happy, but is so happy to be with me. Someone who understands the importance of my grandparents in my life, who forgives the crazy dysfunction that is my immediate family, and feels the same way about his. I want someone who wants to take trips. Someone to see the world with. Someone who will embrace my friends with all their wonky traits that i love so much. Someone who will get as many laughs from the Wonderboy and Wonderbaby as I do. Someone who is intelligent, who keeps learning and encourages me to do the same. I want someone who wants to go to church, who knows what the word tithe means and not some kind of LifeChurch experience, but a true, lift you up, filling experience. Someone who encourages my art, and will experience it with me. Someone faithful. Someone faithful. Someone faithful.

The thing is…I believe in him. I believe in all of it. Even after the poor choices and disasters that are in my wake…it’s there. I know it is.

and i know you aren’t supposed to miss things that you’ve never had…but in this case i think…an exception.

So you see.
Selfish.
My dad has lost his father. Our family, so fractured will all come together this week face to face and try to hold it together. Ex’s will share space with ex’s. tears and memories and blessings and gratitude.
and I’m sad because I want someone to hold me tonight.

Pa pa died this afternoon. I was at Lowes looking at paint colors, about to head out to furniture gaze when Dad called. We are still at loose ends regarding arrangements. I think the service will probably be on Thursday. I think I’ll go to work tomorrow and try to move as many clients as we can. Then possibly work Wed morning and some afternoon then head down to Granite (two or so hour drive). Or possibly just stay here and drive down thursday morning for the service and stay that night. I think sis is planning on coming in wednesday and staying thru her shower on sunday.

A blessing.
Truly.
He was so, sooooo done.

Did get to talk to my college friend again today. Sounded better. But had to tell him I wasn’t going to see him today, had to get more stuff done with the house, estimates and such, and then about ten minutes after I got off the phone with him Dad called. Timing.

So. There. I’ve sent out some texts telling people. If you read it here first, or got a text that’s fine. It’s crazy and wonky. I’m doing ok. Sad. But grateful. Dreading the impending week. But will get thru it.

love you all.

85%DRUNKARD

Yesterday went well. The meet and greet of Dad’s affair/live-in/new “life partner” was pretty average. I mean, I’ve been here before. Time and time again. I know this road. She was pleasant. One would have to ask MGirl (who showed up with flags and swords and half of her face blue to braveheart me thru the meeting!) what she looked like. I really didn’t look. Mostly focused my eyes on the house, and Dad and my heat and air guy who was looking at the works. It was fine and pleasant and reeking with grace and dignity.
bleagh.
afterwards, MGirl and I headed right back to the box for bloody marys and some defragging.
He liked my house. Was looking at it extra critical, because that is what he does. I don’t think he loves it as much as I do but you know what? he doesn’t have to. and finally I’m grown up enough to not care. He gifted me a washer and dryer. which is HUGE. Now the entire tax refund can go to furnishings. and then I can use the tax incentive check to buy a new stove/range/microwave combo. I’m still scared of all the money stuff, but this is really getting exciting! Am going today to meet with Seige, who’s doing my plumbing (dirty!) work and get estimates from him, then going to get ideas about furniture and paint. It will be an exciting day.

Didn’t get to see my college friend this weekend. Too much house stuff. Next week is a bugger as well. Friday is dinner with purple pool plus two gal pals. Saturday I work and it’s MAEGENS 30 BIRTHDAY PARTY!! Oh my GOD, we’ve been counting down for this! Then Sunday, am giving my sis a baby shower at 3pm. they will be here for the weekend, and I’ll be otherwise unavailable and that sucks but it is what it is. Am back in Arkansas for Wonderboy’s bday on the 15th. Where the hell has February gone???

Other bad news regarding my Papa. Things are looking bleak. So will be making that trip possibly one day this week to see him for what could really be the last time. Deep breath. Awful stuff. Sand. head. insert. stay.

that’s it for me. I should talk about the awards last night, and all the dresses (all that RED!) and the winners and my boyfriend George, but by the end of the night i had a horrible headache, and fell asleep right after best actress. my heart just wasn’t in it this year. sigh. what has happened to me???

Home from the night that was giddy up. Kids, let me just say, we may be long in the tooth, we may not wear slutty enough attire, and we may attract the funkiest fellas at the bar, but damn. we can still dance!.

Now. Let it be written that I will dance with ANYONE THAT ASKS. I think it’s hard, difficult, scary, for a man, to ask a woman to dance, so I ALWAYS, say yes. And quite frankly, the ones you don’t suspect, are often times the best dancers. . .

often.
times.

GOOD LORD!!! I danced with Keith from Mississippi. With Sonny from Alabama. and one would think that the southern boys could maybe, MAYBE just try a two step??????? Granted Sonny was about four hundred and thirty six years old, and Keith, right behind him. Both work for FEMA, here cleaning up the sticks from our ice storm. Fine fellas, bought many drinks. and as I’ve learned from M’Lynn, I say “thank you” and so be it. Actually several fellas bought drinks and we just said thank you. (this is difficult for me as I’m one who can always just pay for my own drinks) But we just said Thank You. done deal.

We made friends all over the place, Me, Gert, MGirl, and MKE. Such good times. We were hanging out at the community table with a few guys and towards the end of the night I danced with one. Cody. Cody, Wyoming. Cute, Sweet kid. couldn’t have been 22 years old. but G.D.!!! The man (after many a failed attempts at a dance) spun me and twirled me and DANCED with me. I swear to all that is holy, I was moist. George Clooney moist. it was that good. and bless his little heart, he didn’t know what he had tapped into…he had no idea the beast that he had unleashed. . . after it was over, and I had calmed down. . . well pretty sure I kissed him smoothe on the mouth (no tongue) . . . which is unfortunate because Gert was really having conversation with him and afer the kiss, he skedaddled far far away. Finaly. FINALLY!!!!! I can dance with them, but one kiss and KAPOW! gone for good. flop. ps, I stole a leg from a chair. brought it rigt home with me! I’m furnishing my house one piece at a time!

The worst part of my night was earlier…already told you that am gonig to the house tomorrow. Meeting Dad. Well, he called and asked if she could come too….I agreed. Bleagh. This is me being childish and petty. BUT. I’m trying to be adult wiht my father. and agreeing to meet the other woman, at MY HOUSE, with MY CAMP behind me….so be it. Am sure there is more to this tomorrow.

The brightest spot of my night…Spence sent me a text (he’s in our nation’s capital on official state business) saying that he had stolen the president’s toothbush for me!!! To which I replied, well that’s the first (and only) republican that will be in my mouth!!! I miss him. We don’t see each other every day, but we do communicate and I know he’s busy and dang.
What with the crazy that is tomorrow…just wish he was in the same zip code.

Academy Awards tomorrow. We all know who I’m voting for. . . seriously. If you haven’t seen MICHAEL CLAYTON….RUN. DON’T WALK.
brilliant.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

* fuck (4x)
* slutty (3x)
* bastard (2x)
* crappy (1x)

Now, like Kizz, I have goals.

Oh Lawd but we’re going out tonight…seriously getting out of the box. Back to where it all started for gert and I…cowboys! Ye. Fuckin. Haw.

It was a full day at work for me, Mgirl had the day off today lucky duck, and Gert was my personal shopper..bought me a suitably slutty top to wear with the skinny tight jeans….gulp. I just tried it on. Again. and took it off. again. methinks it’s a no go. maybe if I was about 5lbs less, or 5 drinks into the night…but not now. Feels too slutty. (holy crap. when did I become the girl who doesn’t want to feel too slutty???) Have on an appropriate top, black, slinky, shows off the girls enough. got the bright red snake skin boots just ready to put on…buckle up kids. It’s gonna be a night!!

Tomorrow am meeting dad at my house. Showing it to him for the first time, and hopefully my heat and air guy will come take a cookie lookie and give me some estimates. Seige is out of town, so the plumbing stuff will have to take another day. Monday, am going down to the psych hospital to visit my friend who dropped his basket. I talked to him last night for about three minutes. He sounded dead inside. One word, one syllable answers at best. I don’t know if he even really wants to see me. Will keep you updated on that.

alrighty then. that’s it from here. wish me luck. these jeans are needing some attention!!

You Are a Red Crayon

Your world is colored with bright, vivid, wild colors. You have a deep, complex personality – and you are always expressing something about yourself. Bold and dominant, you are a natural leader. You have an energy that is intense… and sometimes overwhelming. Your reaction to everything tends to be strong. You are the master of love-hate relationships. Your color wheel opposite is green. Green people are way too mellow to understand what drives your energy.

What Zelda Means

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience. You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along. But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it’s hard to get you to budge. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don’t get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic “Type A” personality.

man, they got that organized part wrong, eh???