Weekends are for Loving

It’s been a few days since I delete my FB off of my phone. I think a lot of people read that as I was off of FB altogether…

“I was off of FB” –get it? am I the only one that does that when someone says altogether?

Alas, no. I’m still on it. But wanted to limit my time spent by removing it from my phone, that thing which I have with me at all times. So far so good. I notice, like I did when I gave up FB for Lent that one year, how many times I automatically reach for my device to check in, to look at it while at a red light, when I wake up in the middle of the night. That part is easing. And it feels good. Sticking with it.

Also sticking with Dry January, which I’ve done and usually do at the beginning of the year. I’ve seen many people talk about it, counting the days. I wonder if it’s a huge struggle for them? It’s not for me, other than habit. Socializing. That thing you do on a snow day. l like seeing all the steps everyone is taking to feel good about themselves this year. I really like it.

Yesterday was near perfect in that I got to officiate the wedding of Brandon and Aron. What an honor, and to be able to declare them legally married in Oklahoma is just never ever going to do anything but make me weepy. This year I get to participate in three more (that I know of) weddings and they are people I love and adore. Man, it just is the best soul food, being able to participate in the most special day for these people. Love Wins.

Mark and I had a fun little date night afterwards, we saw Hidden Figures. It was beautiful. Old fashioned story-telling. A real movie that told a real story and had the theatre clapping and had most of us smiling through tears. Run don’t walk to this one yall…

My new year is progressing nicely. I feel in control of most things. I’m ready to purge the closets and do some downsizing. We’ve had some real conversations about what it looks like for us, this next chapter, and how we are going to get there. Next weekend  is a 4 day for me. I’ll use the vacation time I’ve got to burn and put some of those plans in action.

My house chores are mostly done for the weekend, meals are prepped or in the process of. I’ve got sweet potatoes in the crock pot baking for lunches, bagged up sweet peppers and carrots for munching, meals planned for evening and mostly what’s left is digging into one of my new books I got this weekend!

I love that this little entry is just a slice of an absolutely normal, quietlife weekend for us.

Huzzuah for books and snacks and perchance a nap in my future!

Baby Step One: Delete Delete Delete

My desire to savor the moments this year manifested today in my deleting Facebook off of my phone.

When did we get to a place where something as trivial as deleting an application from a phone was major?

But who are we kidding. You know it’s real. I’ve reached for it a million times today just out of mindless habit. We all do it. I’m not shaming, judging or trying to compel you to do it just because I am. This is just the thing I’m doing.

When I was in those moments, those mindless phone moments, I looked at photo streams and not once did I see disparaging remarks about stupid people, orange cheetos, violent football players, or rants about how Garth Brooks is no longer a True Oklahoman since he chose not to perform at the impending inauguration.

This is just what I saw a moment ago when I logged on via laptop, just in the first five minutes.

I continue to delete and hide.  I cannot stand the mindless posting of obvious misinformation. Is no one curious anymore? Aren’t you just the teensiest bit CURIOUS about the world at all? Just fucking get curious again. Do some research. Tell the REAL story.

See? See how it riles me up?

deep breath in. deep breath out.

So anyways, I deleted it from my phone. And I feel happy of myself.

Today is the final day of a glorious break from it all. The sun was shining, the temperature said 70 degrees. I spent the morning writing. I have the honor of officiating a wedding ceremony of two friends next weekend so I worked on their words until we were all weepy and happy.

We packed up all the decorations, the house is still shiny and I burned my smudge stick and set intentions for the house this year.  I made a delicious meal with clean ingredients. Tons of water and even a little nap made the day damn near perfect.

I usually dry out in January, no booze. I decided I’d do that again. It always feels good to just slow my roll awhile. If I can get rid of this stupid cough (thank’s record-breaking cedar pollen) I’ll be in great shape to start the work week tomorrow.

So there we have it. Baby steps towards savoring the moment. Encourage curiosity whenever you can. Find me on Insta if you feel like it @Mistikae

Savor.

Curiosity.

I think I just found my words for the year.

Soak It UP

I’ve been thinking about the usual end of year, new year things the last few days. Thinking about the year that we just closed out, the good the bad and the presidential. Thinking about the changes that came about for many of my family peoples. Thinking about those moments during the year where I thought the camel’s back would break.

The usual contemplation.

For Mark and I, it was a year of travel. We managed between the two of us, either together or solo, to do at least one major trip a month- 11 out of the past 12 months. We just got home from ringing in the new year in The Woodlands, with Toni & Patrick & Buster in their gorgeous new home. This is what we want out of our life. To pack up and go. To hook up the trailer and wake up in a forest surrounded by trees. To experience this life together.

We will have travel this year, but not as much. This year is for prepping to launch. To save, to plan. . . perhaps to leap. But anyway, I digress.

Coming home, I saw the most glorious, graceful sunset, noticed that if only but by a few minutes the days are starting to get longer, and it kind of startled me out of the contemplation mode.

My brain had been going a mile a minute, thinking about the new year, about starting back to work, about moving to Colorado and wondering where we will be this time next year. It shook me out and I savored the moment.

Slowly wrapping my brain around the here and now, and the intention behind it, behind wanting to commit the moment to memory.

The weekend had been glorious. There was no stress. Nothing but relaxing and soaking up time together. Savoring each other. Slowly soaking in the moments before the year takes hold.

I always get so crazy this time of year with all of the LOSE WEIGHT THIS YEAR ads. My brain goes bonkers and it’s just ugly. But that lovely post on FB by Anne Lamont kind of gave me the things I needed this year to move forward with intention.

My goals for the year are pretty simple. Get my passport. I’m going to spend more time looking at pretty pictures on Instagram than looking at the petty on FB. I’m going to be conscious about money and saving it. I’m going to be aware of what I need and make the clear choice to savor those moments– to roll around in them, slowly soaking up the grace and the good of the day.

Julie gifted me with a Favorite Moment of the Day journal. It’s the most wonderful thing. Because I’m not obligated to write a long entry, or reveal my soul and find revelations. It’s just…my favorite moment of the day.

Inadvertently, it’s helped with the enjoying, slowly savoring the moment. Because at the end of the day, I rummage through the memories and write one or two down. It’s lovely.

Holly gifted me with a MyIntent bracelet…my word is Colorado.

I feel like I’m set.

Savor. Cherish. Soak It Up.

Peace Be With You

This weekend has been lovely. Yesterday was spent snuggling animals, sporadic cleaning that amounted in a tangible difference, Gilmore Girls marathon, The Crown on Netflix, OU football and yet another underwhelming experience with Order Up Norman. (NEVER AGAIN AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME)

Throughout all of that peace, it also had that overriding energy that burbles up when travel is imminent.

The check list of things needed, things to accomplish, places to be.

Packing is almost finished for me. Mark will being about 3am tomorrow. Because that’s how he rolls.

I’ll deliver Winnie to Cori and Jess for a week of what we all only hope is fun and laughter and zero mishaps.

Tonight we get to hear Slaid Cleaves in The Depot once again. That man can make a song, sing a song, take you to church with a song.

Traditionally the last show right before Thanksgiving is the one filled with so much magic it is palpable. I can’t wait.

I’ve got us checked in for our super early flight. We get to be with family for a week that includes Harry Potter World, some amazing sight seeing,and ends with Thanksgiving. That makes my heart soar.

There is, amid all the bullshit, a newfound sense of peace in my heart.

For that I am so very thankful.

Be blessed this week, be kind and speak to each other with words of love. For many it will not be easy to sit across from family, this time has been so full of toxic energy it will be an effort. For others it will be a mixture of duty and dread and carbs.

Whatever your scenario, I send you thoughts of love and light.

Rise UP together.

xoxo

Travel Log 2016

We’re THIS CLOSE to being on vacation for multiple days. THIS CLOSE.

This year has been an epic year for travel for us, and while I do think that the more prudent choice would’ve been to save that money for a house in Colorado, I wouldn’t change a thing. Next year we scrimp and save. Next year we stay put as much as possible.

Until we move.

Monday we head to San Diego for the week with family that I maybe see once a year  and that is our final splurge for 2016.

Tuesday I will be with my cousins at HARRY POTTER WORLD OH MY SWEET LORDAHMERCY!!!

I counted it up last week and we have traveled together or solo almost every single month this year.

Jan: Colorado exploring the neighborhoods trip

Feb: Mark went to Folk Alliance, we took the train to Dallas/Ft. Worth for our anniversary

March: stayed home

April: DC

May: stayed home

June: Cousinpalooza

July: I went back to Colorado and saw Dolly @ Red Rocks

August: stayed home

September: Santa Fe/Pagosa Springs Four Corners Folk Fest

October: Colorado to see the Raley’s and check out more neighborhoods

November: San Diego for Thanksgiving

December: mostly home but some travel to Ark for family holidays.

 

WHEW!~

While 2016 has taken it’s fair share of shots at us, removing some of our favorite people from the planet, that fucking election and the fall out, ugh…it’s actually been one that I’ve dreamed of for so long.

Having a partner who loves to travel, sleeping in nice places as well as in forests and willing to be the one to say ok and the one to say LETS GO!

For that, I give thanks.

It’s Thanksgiving potluck at the office today.

I’m wearing soft pants.

Happy Thursday ya’ll.

Away From The Things of Man

Did anyone besides SP, Audra and myself see Joe vs the Volcano?

I remember the three of us, and I think it was only the three of us, sitting in the theatre just loving every second of that movie. I think that for awhile in the world, we were the only three. It’s got it’s own little cult following now. I’ve seen quotes sprinkled throughout social media this week, they always make me smile.

Patricia: My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.

The flotsam and jetsam of a life shared bubbles up in my brain at the craziest of times. This week has been an opportunity for many of them to rise up, what with all the reflection and all of the new that came around.

It’s a reminder to me.

Though we may feel wonky, uncomfortable and downright afraid, we have each other. For those of you that aren’t feeling wonky, uncomfortable and downright afraid you’re likely not brown skinned or have loved ones that are,  not gay or have loved ones that are, not raising a transgender child or have loved ones that are, not…well the list could go on right? These are legitimate fears. Not some kind of fear mongering crying of the wolf by the side that lost.

It’s when I get caught up in the frizzle of the storm that I reach for one of those pieces of flotsam and jetsam.

Angelica: Would you like to hear one of my poems?

Joe Banks: Sure.

Angelica: Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair… covered the emptiness of my hand… Would you like to hear it again?

Joe Banks: Ok.

Angelica: Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair… covered the emptiness of my hand.

and I laugh.

and I send a text of love, or a quote from a favorite tv show, or like a post or just say I Love You but I am STRUGGLING.

I understand the need to rage and point fingers and say DON’T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN.

I understand the fear and the pit in our stomach for our children and those that we hold close.

I understand the maniacal reading of everything on the internet and posting and reposting and saying SEE I TOLD YOU SO.

I don’t have any answers.

I slept a lot yesterday and last night. My soul was beyond weary and flat ass exhausted.

But today, I awoke to a morning filled with sunlight and laughter and dog breath. I get it.

I see crunchy leaves that resisted the urge to show off with bright colors and just said fuck it and dropped to the ground. I get that too.

We’re going away from the things of man for a short time and I cannot wait.

Patricia: I wonder where we’ll end up?

Joe Banks: Away from the things of man, my love. Away from the things of man.

Tonight the moon will be beautiful, big and bright. I will look up and I’ll think of my friends who are always with me as I quote:

 

Joe Banks: Dear God, whose name I do not know – thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG… thank you. Thank you for my life.

Just Say Thank You.

Holy fucking hell you guys. Remember when I was telling you how my soul was full of friends and laughter and memories from our USAO reunion just a few days ago?

Boy that went to hell in a handbasket, didn’t it?

I have emotional whiplash from the past 7 days.

I have so many words about the reunion…still. More quotes and lines from Blazing Saddles.

I have so many words about the election day itself. The pride and energy and emotion that I felt in casting my ballot. In watching the energy spread across my newsfeed. The connection and conversation and excitement.

I have so many words about Confidence Con, a new project that I am so grateful to be working on with a group of women who are mighty and fierce and focused.

I have so many words of pain. Of heartbreak…like…Schmobby Schmathaway level heartbreak ya’ll. This shit is real.

I have so many words about the past 48 hours.

I magically scheduled a free float therapy session for last night after work. That was the most insightful shit I’ve done in years.

Have you floated yet? Sensory Deprivation Therapy. Float Therapy. Goonie Goo Goo Awesome Therapy.

It was super weird, and at first I had to force myself to stay in the water because what the hell was I doing? But then things shifted. Maybe I went to sleep. I had a little floaty pillow and it felt so good. I started thinking about feeling my legs.

Couldn’t feel them.

I started thinking about feeling my arms.

Nope.

The water is at body temperature. There is 900 lbs of epsom salt in the tub. It’s funky and awkward at first but then it began to be super awesome. My breathing was effortless. The rage and crap floated out of my head and thoughts of creativity, and art and future projects and peace and friends and travel filled my space.

I floated. I moved my joints and listened to my ankles crack in the water. I heard my heartbeat in a steady thump thump thump.

I think I fell asleep again. Or maybe I was super enlightened without being stoned. I dunno.

But after it was over, I was really sad to let anything else in. Any noise or talking or music or light. I wanted to stay in that safe, peaceful bubble.

I can’t wait to do it again.

Today I turned 46 years old.

I awoke to breakfast in bed and coffee.

I was taken to lunch by my amazing girls at work. I was gifted with perfectly chosen gifts. I have candles and junior mints galore.

Mark and I ate at a super delicious place for dinner tonight.

Yet the talk always turns to the ick. To the children who are calling brown kids names. To the grown humans who are painting the swastikas on walls.

OH. And in as many days I have had to reset my Apple password, my work sign on password and about three more.

fml.

I’m so sad and weary.

I told Mark tonight that I was thinking about writing and we talked about this space and how I hadn’t written much the past year. “But that blog post you wrote after Harvest Fest…Woah.” he said. 

Funny that he brought it up.

Because I’ve been thinking about it too. More like thinking of the sermon I referenced in that post. The one about the loaves & fishes.

About when Jesus wanted to feed the multitudes and all he got was a measly fish and half ass loaf of stale bread.

Yet he gave thanks.

It wasn’t what he asked for. It wasn’t what he needed. It wasn’t what he wanted.

Yet he gave thanks.

And only then, did it become enough.

Only when he gave thanks for what he didn’t get, did it provide what was needed.

Sigh.

I’m trying ya’ll.

I’m trying really fucking hard to give thanks for what I didn’t ask for.

I’m trying really hard to not let fear win. To focus on what I can do with my life to make the world a better place. To focus on how I can lead a meaningful existence.

That’s what I started saying over and over last night in the floating pod thingy.

Thank you.  breath in. Thank you. breath out. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

Today I’m calling it a win.

I am grateful today for technology that allows my world to be full of balloon flying, love filled texts, phone calls that end with tearful love and emotion, great gobs of light, cat videos and corgi butts on a facebook page,  and for Patron Saint Tina candles.

And that’s where I’ll leave it.

My little family and I are going to pack up the teardrop and go away from the things of man this weekend.

We’ll take some long walks. Build roaring fires. Have camp coffee.

Talk of the future.

And give thanks.