joe explained to me tonight that the the word SAD is much more heart wrenching and painful to admit than the word MAD.

i agree.

and after more than ENOUGH cocktails and discussion I have to admit I agree.

fact is…

I’M BOTH

I’m mad. at myself, at a man, at another girl, at situations beyond comprehension, at my own ridiculous version of friendship and grace…at all of it.

and I’m sad. bone weary sad at how things turn out. . . even though you pray for a sign. pray with knees on the floor for a sign so you can continue, move on with life, go forth.

kids. . .

I got my sign last night. It was a perfectly coreographed dance of scratch and sniff between two non blondes and here’s the bitch of it…I came out with the short straw. ok. fine.

cue mad.

I realize that I’m talking in circles and no one reading this recognizes which voice is typing but fuck it. it goes back to the fact that this space is mine. and I can say what i want to and purge what I wish and so be it. you don’t really have to understand. or get it. or figure it out. just know that I am mad. really realllllly mad.

and sad.

and if you know me…you know that I won’t answer my phone or leave my house if I don’t have to for as long as it takes…and then…

life begins again.

I know.
The Circus has had an acute case of the Boredoms as of late.

There’s lots to talk about.

I’m currently on a sit down from frantically getting off work (money made today! Honk! Honk!) getting pinion wood and stuff for tiki torches, coming home and cleaning the bits I hadn’t gotten to this week, feeding the livestock, figuring out what to do with the shit in my car so my peeps will fit and embarking to the Ghouls Gone Wild Parade then back to mi casa for punkin carvings and beer.

possibly lots of beer.
and smores.
and laughing with friends, old and new. (I’ve got new friends I can’t wait to share with you!)

but for now folks, I’m outta here. it’s fifteen till time for people to arrive and I as usual look like twelve miles of assholes.

xoxo

Oh chile! It’s ass cold in my casa! But I’m too cheap to turn on the heat yet. I’m afeared for the bills! It’s ok, though. The cats are all snuggly, and I’m layered up and the only bitch is getting out of the bed this week! I actually think that has more to do with the doom of work than the weather!

man, oh man it’s been slow. I have two appointments today. ON A FRIDAY!!! The fuck? Hoping for more call ins/walk ins. It could happen. Gah.

I’ve been watching Weeds this week. Got through season one last weekend, and poured through the first disc of season two last night. As usual, I’m one of the last on the bandwagon, but I don’t have Showtime, so whatever. I’m LOVING IT!!!! LOVE-ING-IT. Sarcastic, brilliant, delicious writing. Laugh out loud stuff. If you are like me and haven’t jumped yet, go. do. enjoy.

I am so tired of waking up to doom and gloom. Anybody else? I think it’s penetrating my psyche. This morning Meredeth and Matt said that the pre-stock-trading crashed a breaker it went so low. Well. Good morning to you too…I think I’m going to just start watching zero news and more Clooney. Though, I would have missed the Weekend Update highlights with Will and Tina. Man, I’m gonna miss that stuff.

Eleven Days.
nuff said.

This weekend should be fun. I’m kidnapping Gert and forcing her to spend every waking minute with me. Tonight we’re headed to Bat Shit Crazy Town for the last home football game. Why not, eh? Tomorrow night we’re doing the Halloween Parade with the March of the 1000 Skeletons led by Flaming Lips dudes, then back to my house for punkin carvins and smores and laughs and fun.

Sunday is committee meeting and some auditions should I choose to do them…love me some weekends!

Ok. I need more coffee. and to start getting ready. But this black kitty is curled up in my lap and it’s so warm and I just don’t wanna. . .

Happy Friday! Huzzuah and Halakaleem!

I got nuthin to share folks.
Nuthin’ positive and nice.
I did three mens cuts today. total. flop.
I’m brokeass mountain. Depositing tips in daily at this point.
I have one eyebrow wax on my book tomorrow. 16 bucks.
I’m fighting the ridiculous hormone battle this week and just want to sleep.
tired. tired. tired.

I did, however, put up my blow up jack o lantern with black kitty on top that looks way cool in my yard.

that was a positive.

oh. and I stole this site from Kizz today. And am TOTALLY doing it this weekend at my Parade and Pumpkins event! That’s gonna be a blast. Halloween parade downtown, then my house back yard for a fire in the chiminea and pumpkin carving!!!

that’s positive too.

maybe I’m just tired.

is 9:33 too early to go to bed?

so I finished my list…all but the vacuuming. I spilled all the smelly stuff on the carpet and then, in my halfwit brain, decided to clean out the filter on the Dyson. . . it’s still drying as I type. Canna put bits back in damp. Gah. Ok, so whatever. I’m clean, for the most part my house is clean. I don’t forsee any major ridiculous this week to dirty it all up so it, in theory, should stay clean for next weekend.

Heading out to comedy tonight. JoeThinksforhimself is getting his NYC present tonight. FINALLY. That’s my real excitement for the evening! I love giving gifts!

Anyways, thought I’d let you know that even in the midst of being productive, I seem to find ways to sabotage myself! HA!

Grocery Shopping–check
oil change/tire rotation–check
drive to frontier pick up pumpkins/picture/odds and ends–check
garden ridge for frame–check
unload groceries and put away–check
decorate front with hay bale and pumpkins–check
start laundry/sheets–check
start dishwasher–check
take break with computer/weeds disc 2/pretzel bits and cold sprite–CHECK

left to do

fold clothes
sprinkle smelly stuff and vaccume
dust and clean ceiling fans
put pics in frame
take shower and go to comedy

I have slept almost consistently for the last 48 hours. It was a hard week of working, staying out past my bedtime, Fall Festing with the family and friends…FLOP.

Fall Fest was great. There really is nothing better than congregating around an open fire with friends and roasting things on sticks. Better than anything! So that was good.

We took family photos outside before things got started. You guys, I cannot WAIT to see them. We were under a big tree, by the creek, with the sun behind us, it was gorgeous! We’ll see the proofs later this week.

So today, after sleeping all of yesterday (seriously, got up at noon ran an errand or two, napped from 3 till 6, then watched tv till around 9 then fell asleep again on the couch and woke up at 3am and went to the bed) today consists of laundry, housecleaning, grocery shopping, oil change in the car, watching season one of Weeds…lots to be done.

Happy Monday, ya’ll. Huzzuah and Halakaleem!

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz…

You Are a Doris!

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Remember yesterday when I said, “yesterday almost killed me?” I was mistaken. Today’s yesterday almost killed me. Good LORD but I’m tired.

I went in around 10 and mercy but there were a lot of girls that came in early on a Thursday. Pretty sure that’s called a support group. They, most of them, didn’t have to be there till noon, but came in for The Pilot’s appointment. Curiousity and Support, great combo.

So he came in…and kids. it was like Joe Cool Snoopy vs. Snoopy Red Barron. Like Odie vs. Garfield. Like Ralph Mouth vs The Fonz.

guess which one I was?

heh heh heh.

He did give me a good compliment, and the stunned look on his face when he saw me was pretty much priceless. And when I asked him if he was lost, what was he doing here, he explained his absence away with the fact that he’d gone back to his military barber along with his son. ok. whatever. There were many other little bits that he threw out there that lead me to believe that he is no longer in a relationship. He kept trying to get bits out of me and I just kind of sealed that vault immediately. You don’t get to have that. Which I actually told him on one part of our conversation. He did ask about the NYC trip, and remembered DETAILS from last years. DETAILS as to the show I saw, the place I ate…who’s the stalker wierdo?

After he checked out, he just kept talking. Moved me over to the side and started another conversation about our NBA team. He bought season tickets. I don’t reallly know what it means other than he’s going to be supporting.

He still looks reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy good. It’s a shame really. He’s too pretty. One time at one of my dad’s work parties out at this big country house, my mom told me these words. “don’t ever date a man that good looking.” I can’t remember the rest, but it lead to the “you can’t trust him to be faithful” kind of thread.

Not that I have dated ugly guys. Nor do I think it scarred me for life. However, that bit of advice has always been with me, and I think, has been why I always look a little deeper, and go for intelligence and humor and friendship. (not that I’m looking for humpback midgets, or anything…I’m just sayin.)

SO. Point is. I’m Joe Cool-0 Fonzie-1

Went down to Norman to comedy last night. Actually got to hang out with sweet little Amanda. She’s the daughter of one of my professors from college. Girl is all grown up and adult now. But still exactly the same which is beautiful. When I picked her up, I did a double check, “you are 21, right?”

“uhhh. Zelda. I’m 26.”

stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. ever.

Tonight is painting at MGirl’s new pad, prepping for her moving day tomorrow. So much going on. Fall Fest tomorrow night. Perfect weather for it. Chrome’s party tonight, which I will be attending in spirit. It’s another weekend chock full of fabulous! Hope yours is, too.

Huzzuah and Halakaleem!