Guiliani is speaking now. Let’s all just see how many times he references 9/11
Let’s see how many times POW is used and Maverick.

drink for every time the words are spoken.

drink the entire cocktail if all three are used in the same sentence.

I’ll see you at the Betty Ford.

Did you hear about this? It was all over the morning shows today. Apparently “they” have discovered a gene in “some” men that makes them more susceptible to cheating.

The gene variant, found in one out of five men, has been linked to marital discord and divorce as well as if the man was emotionally available or more reserved and removed in a relationship. If the guy carries this gene, he is TWICE as likely to cheat.

Of course this has set off a flurry of discussion about testing and would you and should you and all kinds of moral and ethical questions.

So, whaddya think? Would you want to test your mate? When would you do so. After a month? Six months? Before you have sex? Right before you walk down the aisle? After you are married and before you have children?

My first knee jerk reaction, after having a series of jerks that have cheated, would be Hell Yes. Swab that and process immediately!!! I am not risking that much ever again.

But then. . . I don’t know. It becomes quite the sticky wicket. I guess, I would want a test for me, to find out if I have the gene that attracts cheating jerks and would it make a difference if I tested this guy, because I’d just find one that carried it.

Bottom line for me is this. Genetics are not your destiny. It just means you’re pre-disposed to this. It isn’t a get out of jail free card. It means you have to want it more and have to fight for it harder. I guess.

What the hell. I’m single and own three cats. What do I know about this shit???

A few things tonight.

I haven’t even made mention here at the circus about the GOP ticket and subsequent announcement of their VP candidate. Gah! If I hear the word Maverick used to describe these two once more…well who knows what shall happen. If my uterus keeps feeling the way it feels today, I may give myself a hysterectomy.

yes. I just said that.

I don’t think this is a grand move, a big gesture, or even remotely any kind of breaking of the proverbial glass ceiling. I think that a woman who is so anti-choice* (i copped this phraseology from over at Spanky McSchmanky’s) in her demanding the revoking of Roe v. Wade…it makes my blood boil. Don’t try to pacify me with the “we gave you a woman on the ticket” schmaltz. Just. Don’t.

I am watching the documentary “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart a film about Wilco” tonight. It’s on loan from Nutmusic. I am loving it. all of it. If you are a fan of the band…get your hands on a copy. You won’t be sad.

I got paid today.
My check was almost 150.00 less than my mortgage that was due yesterday.
I have been saving tips the last few weeks to deposit as well.
September is hard folks. effing gee dee hard.
I will be ok. Don’t anyone start pulling their penny banks and freaking out. Don’t start taking up love offerings. This is my deal. I just need to vent here. If I need help, I will ask. I’m grown up enough to know when and how to do that now.

which segues nicely into my next point.

We’ve got some new visitors to the Circus these last six months or so. It’s been awhile since I’ve said this, and well…maybe I haven’t ever said this. Maybe I have just read your words and nodded viciously in agreement.

This blog is mine. It was my space before I had a myspace. I started out with trepidation and fear, writing only in between bottles of wine and lonely moments in the ex-house. It helped. It helps. Helps get the voices out of my head for awhile. My voices. not yours, or yours or yours. Which means you don’t have to like, or love, or even remotely agree with anything you read here. Most anytime I post, the words have been flushed out of me, without any concern for syntax or spelling. Catharsis. It has become a place for me to write about my life and those that touch me. Times that I would ordinarily not remember but for putting it down in a post. it’s become a place for me to go back and see with amazement the miles I have walked. it’s become a way for those with even the most mild of interest to keep track of my life and feel connected. It’s become a place for me to express my thoughts and feelings and emotions, some of which I would normally just swallow. I curse here. I say the word Fuck. A lot. Don’t try to edit me. I talk about boys and girls and love and hate and family and feelings and waxing my own whoo haa. Don’t change your behavior around me because of something I’ve written. I talk about my body and my issues with it. Don’t be embarrassed when in my company because of what you have read. I post pictures of pretty people. I send out love and support. I also throw down some anger. All of this…..

is mine. This crazy fucked up circus of the damned…is mine. You are all welcome to join me for a little shot of koo-koo-ka-choo. I am blessed to have you and the joy that I get from seeing that you have actually taken time out of your day to leave a comment? Well…it’s better than a construction paper valentine.

But… Read at your own risk.

That’s all I got folks. Have a great evening. I’m finishing up this movie and then reading this little mystery I started at work. HIDE by Lisa Gardner. so far so good. the thing with slow times is…lot’s of reading. What are you reading lately?

Here’s my 108 in 2008 list. I haven’t looked at it or done any updates and with the realization that it’s FREAKING SEPTEMBER, I thought it a good time to do so. I’ll update in parentheses within the list.

1. develop and stick to a budget(still working on this but seem to kind of be doing better?)
2. seek information and guidance about buying a house(done!)
3. go to some open houses(did not do any openhouses but looked at a bunch of houses)
4. find the perfect place to live and buy it(done and done)
5. move up to a level four at work(done)
6. pay off or considerably down the two credit cards i have(done and have transferred a balance to a 0percent interest to help pay down the other one)
7. purchase furniture(done and paid it off)
8. purchase a washer and dryer(this was gifted from dad. done)
9. go on a date(did this. remember?)
10. get kissed (still hoping)
11. spend more time with friends(yes! this is crazy, managing time but I feel like I’m doing ok with it)
12. go see chrome and kizz( IN THREE WEEKS!!!)
13. find a class that allows me to write that trip off(the reality of reds. done.)
14. go see dyonisis. Seriously.(Lord. I want to so much. he’s in florida now and that is screaming my name.)
15. go visit Skillet.(sweet baby Vegas. I just need some more money!)
16. go to the lake this summer with the Cookster.(this did not happen this year. flop.)
17. work out regularly.(gah. sometimes I’m good and sometimes I’m bad. gah.)
18. wash my car weekly or bi weekly.(double gah. does the rain count?)
19. keep the interior clean and fresh(this was a pipe dream anyway.)
20. help work the frontier more this spring, before I move. (i miss the frontier.)
21. go to weekly w.w. meetings and always weigh in. (last weeks weigh in netted another one lb loss!)
22. go see my fam in Arkansas more than twice a year. (I’ve been there about for or five times this year)
23. vote. in every election this year.(done and done)
24. go to the dentist regularly.(done.)
25. get night guard made to stop the grinding of the teeth(DONE!!! and man does it make a difference!)
26. get my whoo haa checked. (gah. I can’t even remember the last time this happened.)
27. grow out my hair.(I can wear it in pigtails now!)
28. work through emotional issues regarding ex-him.( done. done. DONE!)
29. work through or at least begin working on emotional issues regarding dad and new her. (ehhh. so far so good.)
30. try not to vomit when meeting new her.( did not vomit.)
31. watch the five Oscar nominated films(am really not doing well on watching movies these days.)
32 get caught up on past television series thru netflix(got the office lined up as well as a few others)
33. read more classics.(flop)
34. visit a comedy club.(did this earlier and am going back in a few weeks to watch the redhead)
35. go to at least two exhibits at the OKC Art Museum.(have only been to one, but did view a film there so thats something.)
36. buy the gilmore girls series.(this was a housewarming gift from JOE)
37. go to at least three new theatre productions in addition to more than one at carpenter square.(done done and done)
38. audition for more than just carpenter square theatre.(done and but for the nyc trip would possibly be in a show right now. Oh well, more are next weekend)
39. get cast in a show(hopefully we can check this off next weekend)
40. organize receipts and get taxes to accountant.(haven’t even begun working on this yet)
41. find accountant.(or this either)
42. put refund into savings for house.(used refund for buying furniture)
43. go to some new places other than the Bin and Classics every weekend.(see previous post. this is soooo done.)
44. take a cooking class from Beau (good friend and chef at the Bin)(ehh. i’m not too worried about doing this now.)
45. wear sunscreen(it’s in my makeup and moisturiser)
46. wear sunscreen especially during purple pool(yes.)
47. take some time to visit the new nephew and babysit.(yep. and he’s delicious!)
48. organize photos on computer(not.)
49. figure out the full extent of new camera and software for photos(not yet.)
50. try some new restaurants(done! Cafe de Brasil was awesome as was Prohibition Room)
51. visit st. lukes(not yet. maybe next sunday)
52. set some weight goals for the next year.(still working on this years)
53. lose 30 by July 4th. (first goal)(this didn’t happen. was that 30 total? an additional 30? I’m still hovering between 38 and 40 total loss)
54. visit grandparents. soon. (suck. we lost Papa in March. Crazy Meme is still crazy)
55. find education classes in dallas/ft worth(not this year. no more $)
56. visit Rog and Ma while there(will do this soon, though. plans are in the works)
57. figure out how to upload the music on my iPod onto the new computer.(i am ignoring all of this until i get a new computer.)
58. upload cds onto itunes(see above)
59. utilize iPod more(see above)
60. get regular oil changes on car(done. and am due)
61. rotate tires on car(done)(and am due)
62. host dinner party(not yet)
63. host the help my new house look cool party(done. and it looks cool)
64. plant flowers at new house(not a whole lot this year.)
65. get massage once a month. or once every two months. whatever i can afford.( i can afford exactly none a month.)
66. mail Christmas cards. all of them.
67. mail birthday cards. before birthdays.
68. Be better about sending the stuff I buy to the actual people I buy it for.(i still suck at this)
69. get kissed again.(damn i was optimistic!)
70. tweak sprint bill.(done)
71. cut down on the drunk texting.(hah. the redhead will attest to this. have cut way back)
72. eat more vegetables.(ok)
73. make new recipes once a month(i’ve cooked about twice since moving in. I consist of lean cuisines.)
74. work on organization.(there’s still time)
75. buy some new clothes ala Tim Gunn
76. Get rid of old shoes(i did)
77. organize remaining shoes.(i have not)
78. get a facial($$$)
79 look into something to take lines out of forehead. Not botox but there has to be something we can stick in there? (have started investigating this)
80. Take nephew to water park during summer vacation(done and large time was had)
81. spend more time doing things with friends that doesn’t cost money.
82. make a list of those things to choose from.
83. watch more classic movies.
84. get piano tuned once it’s in the new house.(not yet, but have begun thinking about it so that’s something)
85. make steps towards taking lessons again.
86. write daily.(am better)
87. maybe begin writing a one woman show.(still want to do this but have no idea how to begin)
88. take yoga class weekly.(flop)
89. commit to four times a week at gym.(ok. I can still do it.)
90. try a new form of exercise, even if it’s scary.
91. do the Redbud Classic.(no redbud this year)
92 do Race for the Cure.(oct 4th)
93. be more organized about Team Wow/RFTC.(yes!)
94. Recruit more members of Team Wow/RFTC.(already!!)
95. Do another race of some sort. maybe more than one.
96. cheer on runners of the OKC memorial marathon with martha.(i moved into my house on that day!)
97. on annual trip to NYC, visit Cloisters.
98. on annual trip to NYC, catch a baseball game.
99. on annual trip to NYC, be able to shop at skinny stores.
100. on annual trip to NYC, see my Picasso at the Met.
101. Host Christmas party at new home.
102. go to wine tasting at the Bin.
103. take road trip with Gert.
104. go to a baseball game
105. invite more people to Fall Fest.
106. do NaBloPoMo. finish this year.
107. read more blogs.
108. continue my love for George Clooney (a given)

Ya know…I feel pretty damned good about things. My life is good and filled to the brim with kindness and generosity. On that note…I’m headed to the bed. . . because napping and dozing on and off for the last 16 hours wasn’t enough.

‘night ya’ll.

I have done nothing today. NOT one thing. . . until about 6pm.

talk about a Labor Day! Ha!

Went to the pool with Mandrea and Seige yesterday. It was full of fun. I then ran some food up to the bar and had a drink or two with the boys and then came home. I caught a bunch of shit for my Obama shirt. Reminds me all the more clearly why these boys are just that. boys. that never do anything else with their life but sit in a bar and drink beer. who really….really…aren’t part of my life anymore. really. while that is sad, given the way my life has changed this last year, it seems ok. that isn’t my life anymore. I don’t really like it there. I don’t really enjoy them anymore. Kind of a little discovery this weekend I guess.

So anyways, today consisted of the couch and a marathon on the Travel Channel with my boyfriend Tony. We’ve recapped the entire season I believe. Right now we’re in Spain. I think it’s the last one then the recap ep tonight. I guess he quit smoking! He commented on that one a few eps ago. Huh. Good for him, though.

I guess the hurricane wasn’t as damaging as they anticipated, thank goodness. There was damage, but since we compare everything to Katrina…gah. And another one to the east coast? Damn. Crazy weather.

I almost bought a computer tonight. again. My friends told me about the refurbished ones that can be purchased online and I found one that was ok, I could get it for about a thousand bucks. (looking back at my last cart of purchases that i didn’t buy, I had also bought a printer, which was why the price was so high.) anyways…just not going to do it yet. I want to. But I just say no. Times are tight and I’m going to NYC in three weeks. It’s slooooooooow at work and well, it would just be a stupid thing to do and I’m trying not to do stupid things anymore!

Oh well. Someday.

I did make a good dinner. Inspired by Tony I suppose. Baked lime peppered talapia, roasted carrots and potatos. Yummy. That and doing some laundry is all I have accomplished on his Labor Day. I hope yours was equally non-laborious and that you’ve had a well deserved rest. Tomorrow! Brand new week! I wonder what will happen?

well I slept thru Six Flags Over Jesus today. I hate that I did that. I really wanted to go again this week…it’s really too big for my taste but until I figure out where I want to land…oh well.

It’s been quite a tumultuous last three weeks. I’ve been up late in front of the television. There have been personal crisis in more than one of my tribe’s lives. I’ve been worrying about finances and bills and the impending trip and trying to step out in faith and believe that I will be ok. There have also been bright spots along the way, worth smiling and celebrating. End of story…I’m tired. Weary. So I slept.

Last night I came home, watched some football, both of our state teams kicked some hiney last night, baked a delicious chocolate cream cheese cake and headed out to Gert’s home for family dinner with Noodle and Legend. It was beyond nice. Beyond comfortable. It felt like home. Not MINE per se…but one that I am fully a part of. We ate amazing food and drank wine like grown-ups. We shared stories and talked like friends. We played silly games and laughed like children. We sat outside and almost got our butts electrocuted. GAH!!! Thunder and lightening in Oklahoma are two potent aphrodesiacs, and though the child was in tow and they had a big day ahead full of family, his and hers, I knew they needed some time so I skedaddled. Smiling the whole way home.

This. Perfect Polaroid of what I want.

I came home and just crashed immediately. Woke up early to feed the livestock and back to the bed. with no plans really, I’ve just been calm, having coffee, watching the last bit of Shopgirl on the USA network. I’m pulling that book out to read again. Sigh. Steve Martin…

I’m going over to hanging with Mandrea and Seige and the group at the pool this afternoon. It’s been a long time coming for face time with them and I’m looking forward to it. This weekend really is no different for me, not an extra day long, but I’m glad to be off work and resting. Tomorrow is house cleaning and LAUNDRY!!!!! jeez sometimes I amaze myself with the procrastinating that I can do.

What are your plans today? Are you off tomorrow? Rest up and be non-laborious…that’s my suggestion!

Holy crap. Michael Jackson turned 50 years old this week.

Can you believe that??

Thriller.

To this day, it makes me laugh and sing and dance. (there is a rumor told in some circles of my performing the entire Thriller dance on the beach one 4th of July…but I say it’s all lies)

I hate that he’s a freak.
I hate that he’s a not so convicted pedophile.

I figure…if you’re singing songs pre-child-trials….you’re in the clear. That just my way of singing out loud with a clear concious.

Happy birthday freak boy.

Has anyone else noticed my love for ellypses?

Had a lovely evening last night. Came home to Gert who was having a quiet afternoon on my couch after having cleaned my kitchen! (gotta love bf’s with ocd!) We hung out and I got caught up on her life and vise versa then we headed out for dinner.

SUSHI!!!!

Good LORD but that stuff is brilliant. Joe met us and we ordered enough for all of us plus you guys as well. We ate. And screamed in the wasabi attacks. And giggled. And blushed (that was only me blushing.) And made plans for the weekend. And for future weekends. And laughed some more.

I am so blessed to have these amazing people in my life. We are, the three of us, a sight to behold I think. Our conversations consist of half vocalized words and the other half mentally completing each others sentences. Magical.

We then dispersed and headed out to pick up Mr. Fitz at the train station.

Have you guys ever picked up someone at the train station??? It is really quite a glorious thing. In these post 9-11 days, when the airport has become more of a sterile, security filled environment, the train station is the opposite of all of that, and more. There are families running around, children squealing with joy, cars lined up like the pick-up line at the elementary school. all of us inching up one at a time, closer and closer to our person at the front! It is full of joy and tears and laughter and peace and smiles and giggles and love.

Last night as Gert ran ahead, up the stairs to greet her lobster, I sat watching. There was one couple in particular. She with her backpack, and travel weary eyes sparking at each person who passed her, looking for that one…He hiding between cars watching her with such joy and bliss on his face and he ran out and ran up behind her and the screams of sheer love and happiness! They gripped each other and laughed and kissed and laughed while kissing (this is one of my favorite things) and held onto each other as if each were the others life force. Gert and Fitz returned to my car to find me staring at them. STARING at them with a bit of tear on my face. Such love. Such happiness. We got the man into the car, smiles and hugs and all of that and as we turned around to exit the parking lot, talking a mile a minute, that couple was still hugging. Holding. Finally they began to walk as we left the lot.

Love.

In my car.
In the train station.

I guess it is actually…all around.

Happy Labor Day weekend ya’ll. Here’s to having a little love in your life. Any kind of love. All of it. For any of it. Enjoy!!!

Here’s a little tidbit that was our watch party Thursday night. We are a random mix of people but damn if we aren’t fun-KNEE!!!

We spoke last night of this anniversary, not quite knowing when it was, knowing it was imminent. With the new storm heading back to that area…we can all watch and hope and pray.

There are two specific moments in the last 8 years that I remember with clarity.

The first one was sitting at the bar, Ex-Him on one side, my friend Lynn on the other, watching as our president declared us at war. Tears rolled down my face one by one as I watched. I watched and thought to myself how things would never be the same. We were living in a time where one couldn’t speak out against, or they would be labeled traitor and unpatriotic. I watched the other people around me cheer and clap and lift their glasses to “kicking ass” and I knew…I knew in my little uninformed, politically uneducated heart that this was wrong. And I cried.

The second was Katrina. Watching the impending storm on every channel, watching the people stand in line to get into the dome, then the aftermath. Days. Heat. Floods. Death. All ignored. And I cried. I became obsessed. If the tv was on, it was on coverage and I was watching it. For my measly part, I organized a fund raiser at the bar and we donated 2000 dollars to Habitat and Red Cross. That night will forever go down as the one that almost killed us all! Our little bar with a “legal capacity” of 85 people had well over 250-300 at one time. Inside. On the patio. Gah. I can still feel it actually….GAH!

It’s been 3 years today since it hit. 3 years of relocation and repair and reconstruction. 3 years of white trailers and talk of levees. 3 years of people coming together and rebuilding. With Gustav on it’s way, I feel like we’ve all joined hands and are crying Red Rover Red Rover…here’s hoping the coast is holding hands with Toni Jo Brown…that bitch was so big NUTHIN but nuthin got through!

Now, on this anniversary more than any we all need to stand side by side. We need to remember the atrocity and the horror. We need to wrap our hands around each others wrists and make a blockade. We who are ready to face the future with strength and cry “Not one more time!”

Red Rover Red Rover send Johnny right over.