Knots Landing…in the square of my back.

Well folks, I did make a little commission yesterday after it was all said and done. which allowed my shoulders to move a little lower. Went out with one of my Other Sisters for some nachos and beers. She’s been cargiving another Other for two weeks and needed some facetime other than family. I’ve been harboring a shitty mood, mulling and seething and perfecting it all week and needed chips and cheese and laughing. We accomplished all of that and home early.

I went to a different church this morning. One of my favorite clients invited me. . . the whole month, starting today, is about marriage. and at the beginning of service, I felt open and happy and inspired and eager to refill. by the end of it, well. Knots. Knots up and down my spine, into my shoulder blades and neck. and I felt it. I felt it creeping up. Black. Dark. Thick. Negative.

I wanted to just get up and leave.

Don’t read this as a take on the church, or organized religion, or how you personally feel about either of them. I probably feel differently.

But the topic. I just wanted to scream, I TRIED THAT. TWICE. AND SITTING HERE LISTENING TO YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT REAFFIRMS THE FACT THAT JUST BECAUSE WE WANT SOMETHING AND JUST BECAUSE WE ARE GIVEN THE TOOLS TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS AT IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. . . now does it.

So. clearly there were buttons that were pushed today. I aknowledge that and will work this week thru my Artist’s Way, and personal exercises including the yoga to get centered enough to get a fucking grip on it.

Just letting you know where I am right now.

actually, RIGHT NOW, I’m heading to play committee meting. I’ve read two really good ones. FUGUE by Lee Thuna. I’m giving a 4. The Dazzle by Richard Greenburg, another 4. I’m in the middle of The Jammer by Rolin Jones, and so far, I’m really liking the flow of the dialogue. Jack Goes Boating is somehow blocked for me. I cannot figure out how to get into it. so I’m just taking it back and going to not rate it. whatever. sometimes it just doesnt work out in my brain. I also hope to talk to my director and get details on the show and rehearsals and get a script to start working on.

Then, onto the bar for our chili cook off and SuperBowl!!!

I hope you are having a great day. Don’t worry about my mental health. I’m as stable as I am on any other given Sunday…just a little wobbly sometimes.