Circling Back

it feels as if no matter how we try, how we grow and learn, it’s always two steps forward-five steps back. GAH. How? Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????

I was talking to BoobVicki at work yesterday when she came in for her appointment, and her husband got laid off. Everybody is really struggling. I know we all are. Chrome’s dodging cutbacks, Gert and Joe are hanging on and hanging out, I’m living on the corner of Wanna Lick-Psyche and Skin of My Teeth…and I get really disappointed. and angry and frustrated and I know you’ve heard it all before so just skim if you want but this is where it comes out…

I get really angry that I’m doing this alone. And not that just being a part of a pair I would necessarily have a) extra income or b) handy abilities around the house or c) omniscient powers but I would have someone to bounce things off of. Do you think? Should we try? how do you think we could? —and please don’t think I’m mourning for Ex-Him or…well, any member of the Ex-Him club whatsoever. I do not mourn the loss of any of them in my life. They are gone for a reason and it’s the right one. I just always saw my life…differently.

And before you stick your fist down your throat to induce vomiting, let me just follow that up with this little jewel…maybe different isn’t so bad. Maybe this is exactly what my life was supposed to look like, despite free will and choices and jumping on the tour with the circus…maybe this is EXACTLY what I was supposed to be doing at 38 years old. And maybe this is what it will look like for the long road. Slowly…slowly that nugget of knowledge is taking root in my heart…and growing stronger. Validity. Fine. I’m fine.

Sometimes I think I’m completely bi polar, and the manic phase just lasts longer than the others…because when I am knee deep in the Bleagh it’s really really difficult to crawl out. And I’ve been there for a few weeks now. Sigh. But there is light. There just is. And for whatever the reason, I’ve been inching towards it bit by bit. So that’s something to report.

Another report from the bright side, through the wonders of Facebook, I’ve found an old friend. A friend from the Wyoming Summers. He’s a brilliant human, full of life and will laugh harder at a good joke than anyone I know. He’s also a great writer, and his topics are usually food, wine, cooking, life, love, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…check him out

Did you catch last nights ep of LIFE? slurp. still wiping the drool off my chin. Lawd lawd lawd, that’s one big hangin man. sigh.

Huzzuah and Halakaleem and let’s not forget though the redheads are my kryptonite…my heart belongs to George. Everyone who remembers that raise your hand…