Knock! Knock!

Who’s There?

Bendover?

Bendover who?

IF IT WAS UP YOU ASS YOU’D KNOW WHO!!!

this was my day. seriously. i had one of those…THOSE days where everything you thought was true and right…but were scared to belive it was true and right…TURNED OUT TO BE TRUE AND RIGHT.

I had a friend. (of for craps sake…yes. a man. why not, right?) that totally perpetuated the stereotype.

but I believed him to be better.

for two weeks. I believed him to be better.

and I started to question myself. I started to question all of it. I asked Joe to wingman for me, turns out he was too fuckin busy to do any of that…and turns out the point was moot…but I started to question.

too fat?
too funny?
too loud?
too saggy?
too kissy?
too needy?
too loud? oh. I’ve said loud.
too perfect?
too obnoxious?
too smart?
too needy? shit. I said that already too…

this is my point.

turns out.
he was too…IN A REALATIONSHIP.

God bless the Facebook.

how else would I know ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

and it’s funny. (stupid funny. not ha ha funny…however it’s become part of my new set, so perhaps ha ha funny) I was never interviewing for that position. I was never looking to fill…ANYTHING.

apparently he was.
I was on the interview.
and ok…so…unbeknownst to me, parents?
check.
parents and him?
check.
parents alone?
check.
him alone?
check fucking check.

aaaaaaaaaand flop.

What’s the saying in Kelsey Grammer’s bio? —“you’re just not Iron Skillet material”

oh.
thank.
god.

You’re right.
I am SOOOOO not Iron Skillet material.

Knock Knock?
Whos’ there?
Someone?
Someone who?
Someone who is smart, funny, and doesn’t play the games without handing out the rule book.

well.
I don’t really believe you…so I’ll just sit here and wait for the REAL punchline.

and wait for Guy Number Three.