Sitting here at moms watching Wonderbaby play with Tonka Chuck, and thinking about loading and unloading my car…it’s almost enough to just move here. Gross. I do hate to leave. It’s been a great (mostly great) weekend. The stress of dealing with my dad and his wife and her kids that live with them coming over and just staying yesterday…well needless to say when I found that out I was pissed. Everyone was pissed. It funked up the entire plan for the holiday. I woke up with a fever blister yesterday, mom with one today, and my left eye hasn’t quit twitching since it started Sunday. Nice. We look like we all escaped from the nervous hospital.
But it’s behind us. The stomach is starting to settle down, the knots are starting to go away…and I’m sad. I’m sad that my reaction is what it is. I have to say, I did pretty well this year and didn’t let it creep up on me until Saturday. 364 days out of the year, the decisions my father and his wives have made do not ever effect me. That one day though? Fucking kicks me right in the ovaries.
I am holding on, with both hands and white knuckles, to the lesson I learned at Wal Mart yesterday. Upon loading up my suv with all of our purchases, Mom and Taryn got in the car and a couple walked past me with their cart, heading to their car, and the girl asked me, “do you have a few dollars to give us so that we can go buy more groceries?” My IMMEDIATE response was “no I don’t. I just spent all of my cash.” and just kept right on into my car. I got in and we all commented about beggers and about how it was such a scam and about how if you were going to ask me for money you should have asked me BEFORE I just bought my new bedroom tv and the new holiday decorations…and then I got a pit in my stomach. I literally felt ill and said as much to my sis. “Turn around. see if you can find them” I had a few dollars in my mad money hidey hole in the car, mom got some money, sis found some dollars and I drove through lines and lines of traffic hunting down the couple and we drove up beside them JUST about the time they were pulling out. I honked, and we rolled down our window and handed them the money and said Merry Christmas. Go get your groceries. The look on the woman’s face was….well I cry now again, typing it. They both JUMPED out of their car, held hands and ran back into the store.
I cried. all the way to wherever we went next. We are all so blessed. We are all so lucky. Even with fractured family trees that are held together by duck tape, even with the pain and the losses we’ve felt throughout this year, even with the heartbreak and the financial crisis…We. Are. Blessed.
So. That’s what I’m trying to hold onto today. That’s what I want you to remember this week. It’s not just a day on a calendar. It’s not who get’s what from whom. It’s not this divorce, or that step-whatever. It’s not this bill, or that party…
It’s being absolutely present in your gratefulness. It all goes by so quickly…doesn’t it?
Let’s remember today, to be nice to one another. . . even though somedays that’s the hardest thing ever.