Well it’s over. I got up this morning, took my test, came home, started some laundry and slept for three hours.
I didn’t do fabulous.
I did well on the verbal. I could do better. I don’t get the scores to the analytical until they come in the mail in a few weeks. The math, the quantitative reasoning? I scored 8 points higher than the lowest possible score.
I have no idea what any of that means anymore. The numbers and the lines and the letters.
So I will be taking it again. I will spend some time really working on my verbal and analytical and take some practice tests. I’m going to schedule some help with the math. I have to. Because seriously, I don’t think anyone believes me when I say, if it is any step higher than basic math, then I’m out. I don’t have it.
I may need to schedule my test for the afternoon next time. This morning, I was really aware of how sleepy I got mid-way through. How my brain quit absorbing the words I was reading, which in turn ate up time when I had to re-read for comprehension, which in turn stressed me out because the clock was ticking down. Ugh.
But I can do it. I haven’t quite blessed it and let it go. It’s still in my mind, wiggling about and poking. There is some disappointment though I knew full well that there was no preparation time given to this round. Someplace up in that brain of mine, was some random thought that I might just pull it off and be successful the first time.
Now, I’m not knocking the verbal scores I got. Those are good. They could be better, but they, as it stands, would get me into grad school today.
But I’m not applying to grad school.
I’m applying to ph.d programs, where everyone applying is better.
So. Now the list includes study time for the next round of testing, which I believe will all fall in the week of my birthday. That’s just fine. Bring it.
For now, I’m prepping to leave it all. I’m going to get up tomorrow, load the car, fill it with gas, go to class for a 20 minute writing assignment, go to the salon for an hour and a half appointment and bang a little hair. I will pick up the twins, Gabe’s friends and we shall reload the car and hit the road.
Four hours away we will meet our girls, go up that mountain and build our campsite. We will gorge on the outdoors, on the music and on friends.
There will be a little work each day, as coming back on Monday I’ve got things due. But for the majority of the time, I’m going to be.
I’ll use the time to disconnect. To focus on the last part of this semester. To make a plan to attack the tests again.
And I’ll come back fighting.