Fury

Why is it that life is busiest right before you leave for a vacation? It’s the most tumultuous, the most frenzied, there are more things to be done, more places to be more things to check off than at any other time. What the hell, Universe? Come ON!

I’ve been furious lately.

Furiously working, furiously putting troops together, making calls, following up on a section of leads that needed it. We are in this place with work where we don’t quite have the future, and can’t quite quit the past, we are doing better in some places and worse in others. What we *thought the process would be…isn’t. What we were *told the end game would be…hasn’t. So we scramble and we do the best we can and we still get shitty attitude and have knee jerk reactions and feel like we’re the ONLY ONES WORKING DAMNIT.

Because work has eaten me alive, all things on the home front suffer as well. The house, the relationship, all of it. And I get this deep seeded anger that boils underneath the surface at the whole situation. At the hairballs in the corner and the guest room that must be cleaned before house-sitting guests arrive this week. At the lack of forward motion on so many projects and the fact that I can’t do a damn thing about it because by the time I get home I’m completely tapped out. Except for the fury.

Displaced as it is, it’s leaking out all over my life and I need to figure out how to staunch the flood.

I’m looking forward to going back to the mountain for Harvest Fest tomorrow. I’m looking forward to several days surrounded by peace and love and music and soaking up the place where my life completely changed two years ago. I hope to reconnect with this life that I love, with this man that I love and slow down enough to be able to say the words and think the thoughts and sing the songs. I want to laugh with my friends and to get back to what’s really important.

Two years ago I rolled onto that mountain fresh off of taking the GRE, with deadlines and papers and work and bills chomping at my heels. My life was solely focused on surviving day to day and finishing grad school. I needed that long weekend two years ago, like I need it today.