Who’s There?

Bendover?

Bendover who?

IF IT WAS UP YOU ASS YOU’D KNOW WHO!!!

this was my day. seriously. i had one of those…THOSE days where everything you thought was true and right…but were scared to belive it was true and right…TURNED OUT TO BE TRUE AND RIGHT.

I had a friend. (of for craps sake…yes. a man. why not, right?) that totally perpetuated the stereotype.

but I believed him to be better.

for two weeks. I believed him to be better.

and I started to question myself. I started to question all of it. I asked Joe to wingman for me, turns out he was too fuckin busy to do any of that…and turns out the point was moot…but I started to question.

too fat?
too funny?
too loud?
too saggy?
too kissy?
too needy?
too loud? oh. I’ve said loud.
too perfect?
too obnoxious?
too smart?
too needy? shit. I said that already too…

this is my point.

turns out.
he was too…IN A REALATIONSHIP.

God bless the Facebook.

how else would I know ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

and it’s funny. (stupid funny. not ha ha funny…however it’s become part of my new set, so perhaps ha ha funny) I was never interviewing for that position. I was never looking to fill…ANYTHING.

apparently he was.
I was on the interview.
and ok…so…unbeknownst to me, parents?
check.
parents and him?
check.
parents alone?
check.
him alone?
check fucking check.

aaaaaaaaaand flop.

What’s the saying in Kelsey Grammer’s bio? —“you’re just not Iron Skillet material”

oh.
thank.
god.

You’re right.
I am SOOOOO not Iron Skillet material.

Knock Knock?
Whos’ there?
Someone?
Someone who?
Someone who is smart, funny, and doesn’t play the games without handing out the rule book.

well.
I don’t really believe you…so I’ll just sit here and wait for the REAL punchline.

and wait for Guy Number Three.

Numskullery wrote the most perfectly brilliantly motivating entry over here. Go. Read. Watch the video. It’s….fabulous.

What with the advent of August 3rd on my calendar, and things swirling along in my head, and feeling just a little left of center this past week…I needed that. I know, you are my Guys. My tribe. My comfort and my support. What I don’t know, is if I tell you enough how much that means to me. And how important it is to me.

MUAH!

I actually went grocery shopping last night. real food. real food. fruits, and veggies. I made squash casserole, my summer time favorite. I grilled burgers. I have cantaloupe all cut up and salad ready to take to work. I have milk for crying out loud!!! YAY for that. It’s the small things…I’ve been keeping up with the laundry, and watering the lawn and trying to maintain some level of cool with the a/c whilst not blowing up the bill too early in the summer. I did get up and clean my filter and spray out the big box outside yesterday morning, and it’s helped. But we’ve already hit the 100s here in The Plains and it’s only June. August it’ll be like swimming in the middle of the sun.

I want to go buy The War of Art. Elephantsoap has been telling me I have GOT to read it. GirlKris mentioned it out of nowhere on Monday night right after we set the stand up date. More than three people have mentioned The Secret to me this week, randomly, as well…Gah. I tried one B&N for the art book, they didn’t have it. maybe I’ll try the one by my work today. I have to get some writing done won the set…even though I have a bunch already worked out in my head…it’s going to be time to rehearse.

I have also GOT to get crackin on the reunion. Our website is being built, I have to deliver some photos from our last one to the guy to post and then…we’ll be able to finalize things and get the ball rolling. I have got to develop a budget. seriously. It’s lookin at 45-50 bucks for the weekend right now…anyone think that sucks? dj. food. drink. cocktails are cash bar so not included. clean up fees. photographer fees. take home goodies, name tags, bla bla bla bla fishcakes.

Apparently I have a ton of stuff to do. I need to get off the computer and get in the shower and GET STARTED!!!!

Happy Day, Halakaleem and I love George Clooney!

august 3rd.
August 3rd.
AUGUST THIRD.
AUGUST MOTHERFUCKING THIRD.

this is the date. officially. when I will perform my first stand up comedy set at the Speakeasy in OKC.

i cannot type any more words as there is significant desperation and vomit arising in my throat.

How was your weekend? Busy? Fun? yeah, mine too. Lot’s of pool time and sun soaking (with sunscreen ya know) on Saturday and again yesterday. Brunch with the girls Sunday. Facetime with Gert in Batshitcrazytown on Saturday night. Few minutes at a cookout with another group before that…packed it into the weekend!

Today, I’m just lounging. Doing some laundry. Need to hit the store for a few provisions. I’m cooking a ham that my sis sent home with me…don’t know if it’ll be any good or night but we’ll see. Sandwiches for the week. May go see The Hangover this afternoon…or not. Just depends on my mood.

I never got anymore facetime with Savage, but have text like a maniac with him during his visit. I think he’s had a filling one, don’t know when he’s headed back to Cali but within the next few days.

That’s about it from here. I’m uninspired with the words today! Happy Monday, ya’ll!

I’m still listening to 8 Mile from the previous post. I know the song is old as the hills but I still STILL freakin love it! HA! it’s a good blood pumpin in the morning motivating song. Come on motivation. bring it today!

Friday. Wow…

Remember Trixie the Hooker from yesterday? She did come back. and got her hair “re-did” and left happy. . . and also booked a PERM WITH ME. You guys. Her pony tail is seriously…well. two hands in a circle. and down to her asshole. and she wants a “spiral perm yo” I’ve blocked out FOUR HOURS to do it. and that’s being pretty generous but I swear it’ll take me at least two to roll that shit. I’m going to take pictures. it’s not the work that I’m eyerolling about…it’s that I’m going to make pretty talk talk with the girl for FOUR HOURS. Ok. gleaning material for the stand up act. That’s what I’ll be doing! July 2, yo.

I worked my heart out yesterday on the house. Fogged it again just for safekeeping. Got it Dyson’d within an inch of it’s life. Mowed the front and back yard, weed eated the front…with flip flops on and kinda sorta sliced my big toe…yeah yeah. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it was. Bled a lot. But at this point in my life, as many things as I’ve sliced and cut off of my body, I was just kind of lackadaisical about it. Cue dork music…but the yard looks goood. still need to weed eat the back. I broke up with it after the great toe debacle. I needed to seek solace in a cold beer with MGirl!

The weekend is full of plans as par for the course. I hope to get some facetime with my tribe, Savage included. Gert, possibly. Hawk and Ringo too…War Bar on Saturday anyone??? Let me know. I know the last time we made big plans to do this she blew us all off, but I think it’ll stick this weekend… 😉

I have to get more coffee. and replay the 8Mile song. Come ON motivation, come ON!!!

Yesterday was balls deep in crazy day. I started out at noon and didn’t stop till 8. I did get an hour to see McCrackin. His words, “you were overdue, Zelda”

No Shit, Lamar. Woof. But I feel SO GOOD now!
Crack your bones crack your bones crack your bones! (Eddie Izzard Voice Here)

So anyways, yesterday, at the end of the day, 8 Mile broke out at our salon! Indeed! Three girls, what could only be described as “Pretty Women” came in and got some work done. Two left happy. Bra-less. But happy. The third was…not so much. During their appointments they kept talking about Daddy this. Daddy that. Why you gonna talk like that to me Daddy?

Daddy=Pimp.
we believe.

Anyways, PseudoSis2 our fabulous manager had to talk to Daddy.
Twice.
and she delt with it beautifully.

The thing I love..is we gathered and decompressed in the yard under the gazebo. THe magic lights lit, and twinkling…the cats playing…the breeze and the beer beautifully cooling our jets. It was great!

and the Third is coming back in today to get the rest finished like she didn’t say she wanted yesterday. so….heh heh heh.
cue music.

I had a stupendous weekend. Seriously great family time, with lots of laughing and rest and a little hair banging and great food and a full pan of brownies. Good God, my ass. but whatev. It was awesome. I’d been feeling low on family energy and it was just what I needed to refill. Wonderboy and I rode back to The Plains together. It was pretty silent till we hit Tulsa, when the dvd player ran out of juice. Then it was “are we almost there?” about every nine minutes! And who can blame the kid, we were heading straight to the pool with our Summer Swimming Buddies (PseudoSis2’s kids and MGirl) so dangitrudy, COME ON!!!

We played. We slathered on the sunscreen. We played more. He jumped. He told JR (swimming buddy) “you will make a great warrior, however I am trained in this, so don’t shoot me in the face” and they played and it was a full day. When they left, Wonderboy waved and shouted, “I’ll miss you!”

*heartbreak*

By the time we hit the Frontier, all three of us were overheated and worn smooth. He wasn’t in the house two seconds before he’d stripped naked and was running around! Ahhhh vacation. He and Bonusmom fly out to KC MO today for his birthday trip to Worlds of Fun! What a life, eh?

You’d think that my weekend would have wound up with that. But wait! There’s more. and Yes. I know I’ve talked to several of you and didn’t mention this yesterday, but I was just so tired. too tired. so here it is. Savage made it into town like a bandit with his ass on fire, a day early. I went out to his parents land south of Batshitcrazytown, and we, the four of us, hung out. Laughed. drank adult lemonade. The Mom and I compared cooking gadget lust stories, and it was just good. Savage is just as hysterical as he was 20 years ago, when I last saw him. We picked up right where we left off, with the witty banter and the smart ass retorts, and the deeper conversations that we knew nothing about back then. It’s nice. We rode his motorcycle around Batshitcrazytown. Drove by his old house. Drove by my old house. By our elementary school, our high school…the town was asleep so it was just he and I and the moon. Sliver of gold. I stayed out there because we were just done and got up early and headed into work for our 8am book club meeting…with about 2 or 3 hours of sleep under my belt. GAH.

Zelda: someone should tell me I’m not 21 anymore.
Mom: Zelda, you’re not 21 anymore. You’re not even THIRTY anymore.

But whatever. It was worth it. It fed my soul. He and I have known each other since elementary school. That’s one helluva history. and it’s nice to be in this time frame together. so, loosing sleep? not that big of a sacrifice.

I did take a little pill(courtesy of the trip to Arkansas) and hit MY bed. My big queen size fancy sheet covered bed early last night and slept like the dead.

Who knows what the day bring~i have a few clients this afternoon. that’s good. I have openings into the evening so possibilities for walk ins. I’m heading to the shower then to the bank, then to McCrackin because a weekend of not my bed and driving for hours has me walking sideways…

Hey. Happy Humping Day to you!!! for the Normals, you’re almost done! Huzzuah and Halakaleem and I love George Clooney.

Remember the scab I was picking, pick pick pick a little talk a little pick a little talk a little…pick pick pick….

seems to be healed.

ain’t that some shit?

I like it.

Happy Saturday!

Every now and again I will have one of those days. Nothing especially momentous or exciting happens, but bit by bit, all of that underwhelming stuff just adds up to make you really feel like your life is in the crapper.

Today was not that day.

I had a decent book. I got my oil changed. I got my bad tire taken off and the good spare put on in it’s place. The others got rotated, and how! I went back to work and finished my day with some color! I had some witty texting with Savage, who is arriving next week with much anticipation. I laughed out loud at bits of the musical last night. Here’s a little ditty from the touring company I saw last night.

I got gas in the car, cleaned it out for the trip tomorrow, called a pizza of which I ate entirely too many slices. I’ve watched all but one ep of the last disc of season one of How I Met Your Mother, slurp. I contacted the place that is catering our reunion and set it all up. Even got out of paying a deposit, thanks in no small part to the man my mother had to good graces to marry. Thanks BonusDad! Halakaleem! Still awaiting info on our DJ, and our website should be built by next week. Sweet!

Today, has been a good day. I still need to unload the dishwasher, throw some clothes into a bag for the weekend, wash my face because I’m doing that regularly now and what…OH! watch more H.I.M.Y.M.!!!!

In the past, I had the idea that I was not worthy of accomplishing much of anything.
I refuse to live in the past.

Nope…today, is not that day.

The Future is back online. Got some email hits from him yesterday. Pretty sure he’s never ever ever coming home for a visit, opting to buy a new motorcycle instead. He’s always good for a laugh or two, so I will keep you posted.

The week has been good. Full of surprises and revelations. I’m excited for the trip this weekend. Today, or tonight after work I must get my oil changed and have a tire looked at. It’s low. I fear it’s been “fixed” one too many times and just has a constant leak. I need new ones, but holy shit the bed they are expensive. I may have enough room on the credit cards to eek out a full set but I really hate to do that. Oh well. I’ll put it on The List.

Last night I went out with PseudoSis1 and had the BEST dinner at 1492. Seriously folks, so good. I had the fish tacos, she had some nachos, we shared a vat of the best slurry queso in the history of ever. AND we still got to go to the Theatre Dahling!!! The show was just fabulous. I’d seen it in NYC in 2006, but when this ticket came up I jumped at the chance to see the tour. SO GOOD. We laughed so hard, and laughed at the people around us. Fabulous night. just fab.

Can I tell you how much this effing gazebo is wearing me out? I’m just looking at it, all step child and broken out there…Next week…possibly. Next week I can work on it.

My plans for tonight are to DO NOTHING. Get the car worked on after work, come home and get packed for the weekend. Not much, just a small bag. Get the car cleaned out, I have a small book-mobile going on in the back seat. Wonderboy is not a fan of mess or clutter. Oy. I got two more discs of How I Met Your Mother so that and possibly a pizza are my Friday Night in the Bigtown plans. What are yours?

Halakaleem and Huzzuah and I love George Clooney!