My brain has felt a bit empty lately. I can come over and tell you what I’ve done the night before, what I cooked for dinner, how my day at work went…but it all seems negative. Bla Bla Bla Fishcakes. I know we’ve all got shit this season. Some of us are terminally unemployed and facing extinction. Some of us are breaking up with partners who we thought we would marry. Some of us are burying family members and dealing with the repercusions of that. Some of us are feeling extremely alone and sad. Some of us are worried. Just worried, about all of us who are going through all the shit.

If only it were as easy as Martha’s crafting a wreath on the Today show. A little modge podge, a little hot glue, throw on some glitter and VOILA!!!

We’re what 9 days away from the Big One? and after that just a sneeze away from a clean slate. Fresh start. I love January 1st. It might be my favorite day of the year. (well it’s close. I do love July 4th. and my Birthday. And the day before Thanksgiving…) So with all the horrible this year, recession-wise, the good news is WE HAVE ALMOST MADE IT!!!

So today, I say to you my faithful readers, that I am going to make it. WE are going to make it. And through all the juggling of schedules we will get some facetime. We will get to have heart to hearts. It will happen. You…my family. I know you’ll only be here for a few days, and I will have to be gone for some of those days, but we will connect. We will have some fun. We will refill and recharge for the next year. And that, THAT, is the sentiment I leave you with. It actually may be as easy as some hot glue and glitter…

it just may be…

DONE:

insulation installed, check.
another dead squirrel, check.
hot water heater adjusted, check.
only one appointment on my book today, the last day of the pay period, check.
season one of Californication watched, check.

TO DO:
grocery store for the smallest of provisions
finish book club book
finish reading scripts for sunday’s meeting
go by theatre and get script and start working lines
get hot water heater cover for insulation
pray for clients and enough. i just need enough.

Tonight is our company Christmas Party.

I’m not excited about finding something to wear. But it will be a decent night, I’m not planning on staying out late. The insulation guys come tomorrow morning and I don’t want to feel bad.

It’s actualy in the 60s here today, so I’ve got the doors open and am airing out the house. it’s was getting a little catty in here…I need to get up and dyson and clean a little but I’m on the couch watching UP.

have you seen it?

If you are one of those readers that never clicks the youtubes and watches…today is the day that you should do it. My FB friends sent me some strength in the form of this one today and then I found the other.

say what you want about Starbucks. I like their coffee. And now, I LOVE their commercials!

Man oh man. I didn’t even that the strength to post yesterday…sigh. I’d better get some coffee before I dive it.

SO..Yesterday was a brand new day. Mental health-wise, spiritually, I just kind of shook it off and charged in yesterday and I was happy and proud of myself for being able to do so. We got to work early to do the group photo and yes. My book was clear until like 4pm. I went with PseudoSis2 and developed photos and got coffee and hummed that one line of Cross Canadian Ragweed’s song that’d been rolling around in my brain all morning. Back at work and HALLA!!! Appointments! The wife of a guy I graduated with, who I’ve gotten to know over the summer and just adore. It was fun! I had a new client who had requested an upper level stylist for cut and color…

long story short, she is a head case. her hair is naturally curly so only she can fix it. that’s fine. people know their hair. Me, having never seen this woman (pronounced crazy bitch)before, isn’t probably going to “do” it just right the first time. well, we had a 20 minute consult. I did the hair. she had zero personality. she was rude. aloof. I could tel she was nervous. but it was a self fulfilling prophecy…she came in decided and determined to NOT like anything and for everything to go terribly wrong.

She screamed at me. she lunged forward in her chair and shoved a picture (which her fucking hair was the exact color of) in my face. I kept my cool. I did. My next client was another friend, and it was just a blow out, so I went over and transferred her to another girl, and when I was telling her…yep. just started bawling. fuckfuckfuck.

SO I went back, mixed up more stuff, did her hair a second time, shampooed it out using different stuff, gave HER the products and tools and let her style it…she asked for my manager…still hated it. She’s coming in at 8:30 today for Round Three…

I can only do what I can do. I’m trying to remain sympathetic and know that this woman clearly has more going on underneath that curly hair than her need to scream at me about hair color.

Pray for me people. I’m gonna need something to get a smile on my face…because yesterday I just wanted to eat some bleach.

HOWEVER….Ta Daaaaa!!! The day ended with a client that I adore. Sweet little pre-med college student that I’ve had since he was a freshman. we laughed. we plotted. we hugged it out. it was a great way to end a crappy day. Blessings in disguise.

THE BEST NEWS still?

I got cast in Love Song!!!! Performances are February 19 – March 13, 2010 so rehearsals will begin after the holidays which makes me soooooo happy! This is a funny role. I’m in love with the script and will get to meet some new people. Wahoo!!!

Ok. Gotta gulp more coffee and get into the shower. Miss Precious Perfect…Third time’s the charm, right?

It’s a brand new day folks! I’m up, I’m coffee filled, I’m happy…it’s a good thing. I’ve got to get to the salon early today. we’re taking the salon photo to gift to the owners for Christmas.

LT has graciously offered to take the pre-party to her house on Sunday. I gratefully accepted that offer. A LOAD off. truly.

what else? I’m THIS ClOSE to finishing book three of the Outlander Series. I gotta take a wee break I think from this reading…it’s eating me. Whole.

Today’s Note from the Universe:

Did you know, Zelda, that every time you cry there, harps go quiet here, angels stop dancing, and the stars look down in stunned silence?

Which is why we often say, “If Zelda ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.”

You are loved,
The Universe

Maybe I am one of those people who struggle with depression during the holidays. This is a shocking thought/discovery because yes, I do have my dark days, but for the most part I am a Happy Camper. Joyful. Laughing. It’s true…but seriously. I’m struggling this season.

Ennui.
–noun
a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom: The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui.

Yes…that’s me. But darker. All I can focus on is what I’m lacking. The voices are loud this week, folks. It’s a View Master show of what if’s and maybe’s and damnit but it’s getting to me.

Yesterday’s client list was a whopping three. One of which I had to pay for out of my own check because it was a donation. (which I do NOT mind doing at all. ever. not for this event) And I did get a future client out of the deal and it was a friend so it was lovely to have her in my chair and get to really bang out some fabulous hair on her head…sigh. I just cried on the way home. Cried during Glee. Cried during Modern Family (THESE ARE SITCOMS PEOPLE. SITUATION COMEDIES NOT DRAMAS!) Cried reading my book before I went to bed…shit fuck damn. and now that damned Hallmark commercial…GAH!

This morning, I’m better.(save the stupid commercials) I’m a little wobbly. It’s taking all I’ve got, but I’m up. I do have a few on my book today and the ones I’ve got I love, so that’ll be a bright spot!

So. Maybe it’s just a phase. Maybe it’s hormonal (but I’m not PMSing, so who knows) Maybe this is who I am at this time of year…I think I’d be better if the finances weren’t so bad. If I could buy my family at least a little something for Christmas…just listening to people talk of shopping makes me feel horrible because I can’t…

Let’s end this on a positive note before we all head for the closet with a tie around our neck.

The Missing Car Payment reappeared in my account and I promptly resent it. Check that off the list. 🙂

My insulation comes Monday. I’m beyond giddy for that. 🙂

I made enough tips yesterday to get my Secret Santa his gift! 🙂

Todays Note from the Universe is spot on. Let’s all read and focus on that:

You see, Zelda, life isn’t supposed to be all “cakewalk” and no “baking.”

Especially not for those who like to experiment, take risks, and be surprised.

Please pass the sparklers,
The Universe

Well. I did get the plastic on the windows. I swear it helps…I had to piece together one due to faulty scissoring and all night long I could hear it flapping back and forth, from the draft coming through the window. I’ll re-do it when I make some more tips to get more plastic. but yes. Feels toasty in the house, all the livestock are here, starting to feel better after a few days on the meds. Kiki…oy. She’s still not using the litterbox…I’m hoping after the worm meds work their way through her and the antibiotics kick in that she’ll go back to it. Seriously. Jeez.

Last night’s Biggest Loser finale!!! YAY Danny!!! Home state boy wins the whole thing! I just hope that they can figure out a way to maintain and continue in REAL life…that’s the hardest thing in the world.

I scheduled my insulation install for Monday. This is exciting to me…I really hope it keeps the heat/cool in and helps with my bills. I can write this off for taxes too, methinks…

what else ya’ll? How’s your Humpday? Got a busy one planned???

I still haven’t heard about the play. I talked to the director again last night. She’s realllllly torn on the casting of the main character, and I’ve been helping to talk through it with her. She’s going to re-read them again, and maybe see something she missed last weekend. Still…one can hope she decides soon. I need something to grasp on to.

I had a wee breakdown yesterday…money. I had one mens cut on my book…and he cancelled. I wound up with one mens cut and one womens cut for the day. I’m going to have to start looking for different work. More work. SOMETHING. Walmart. Target. I know wedding season is coming and it’ll be busy, but that’s not until April. Any ideas? I don’t want to quit hair entirely…but this is nuts. I have to make money. There is no alternative.

I could also take a roommate. It’s a small house…so it would be delicate and take some adjustments…man. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Ok..enough doom and gloom. I have a kitty on my lap and hot coffee in my cup. I”m not living under a bridge in 27 degree weather. I am blessed beyond measure…I am. This will work out…I have faith.

Notes From The Universe:
What one little thing could you do today, Zelda, within your means and your comfort zone, that would make you feel like a supercoolhappylovething?

Get down on it,
The Universe

The road to paradise, Zelda, is made up of little steps, on a mostly dirt path, with earwigs and moss scattered about, guarded by a few armadillos and the occasional lonely pine, beautified mostly with wild dandelion flowers and dusty moths, within earshot of crickets that have no concept of when they should actually be singing. But hey, we’re talking about the road to paradise….

I was actually more productive around my house and in life this weekend, than I’ve been in months. I’m pretty sure I did at least ten things!

1. Baby Miller is here!!! My friend has had one helluva year. Through my Pseudo Sisters, she and her mom have become part of my family. She gave birth after one long ass day, around 8pm last night to a beautiful baby girl named Radley. I cannot wait to see and hold her today! That baby, had a cheering section the likes of a football team waiting in the hospital. How amazing to come into the world surrounded by that much love. I sat up there for about an hour, not the entire day like everyone else, but was glad to have been there!

2. Cats to the vet. Sammy and Kikimama both went…and I thought that my new vet was going to call DHS on me and take them away. Kiki has antibiotics for her refusal to use the litter box…possibly a UTI. She also has worms and got a pill and ear mites. Sammy has the mites and the hair balls, so he got meds too. Sigh. But, I was able to get them in, and it was more affordable than the last dude I went to…so it’s good.

3. Garage. I’m using my garage this winter. The little hand held opener that stays in my car sometimes works, and sometimes does not. But it’s been working and for that I feel very blessed!

4. Cleaned the guest room and put clean sheets on the bed.
It’s been piled high with clothes both clean and dirty for well over a month now…and has been that albatross around my neck that I’ve been ignoring. Feels good to have that clean.

5. Took care of the missing car payment. Apparently it really was just floating around in cyber space. I canceled that “check” and will re-send as soon as it posts back into my account. Called the car place and they were very sweet about it, noted my account and said have a great day!

6. Auditioned for a role in Love Song on Sunday, as you saw below. Still no word, but I love being at the theatre. I love being with that group of people. Play committee was fun too, I brought home a TON of scripts. The last group that I read had two duds, and one fabulous one called LEADING LADIES. it’s a farce, and dollars to donuts we do it!

7. I got to have a nice lengthy conversation with Chrome yesterday. I’m not much of a phone talker, but every now and then she and I DO connect and it makes my heart feel good to hear her voice. I miss her. I want soooo desperatly to host my Christmas party this year, when I get to see her and we can gather and see each other…Send me some clarity on my calendar please!

8. My Other Sock. Back in January I snuck into NYC for Kizz’s 40th birthday party. There, I met her delicious Nan. who KNITS! KnittingNan! and she made me the most delicious pair of warm warm warm green and purple socks. and since it’s turned cold, I could only find ONE of them. SO I’d been wearing one good sock and one white Haynes. It was sad. Yesterday during my guest room frenzy…I FOUND IT!!! AND THE ANGELS SANG GLORY GLORY GLORY!!! They are the best pair of socks I’ve ever had. It makes me want to learn how to knit…thing is, I just want HER to teach me so we can have more facetime! sigh. Sadly, New Hampshire is farther away from The Plains than NYC. Those two things suck. but these socks do not. no sirree bob.

9. I have NOT hung one single decoration save a wreath. Admittedly, I dont have any Christmas Spirit because of finances. I know that’s what it is. But this week, my GOAL (i realize this should be in the DONE column but whatever. it’s my list) this week is to get some spirit up in this house. and in my heart.

10. In finishing out this list with Goals…I say tonight. TONIGHT I plastic my windows. and watch Biggest Loser Finale. I’m totally excited about that. NOT excited about the high of 27 for tomorrow. Brrrrrrr.

Snuggle up ya’ll…winter’s here. Happy Tuesday. I leave you with my Note from the Universe:

Truth be told, Zelda, it takes so very, very little to be happy.

But you knew that.

Just ask the caged bird, the tethered dog, or the solitary oak.

Whew –
The Universe

it was a good audition.
it really was. it was one of those auditions where everyone you read with starts just laughing and saying you TOTALLY have this role!!! it was one that clicked and felt good. sooooo, unless i’m not the right age/look/bodytype…i feel good.

we should know something by thursday.