ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME WITH THIS KID? GRADUATING FROM KINDERGARTEN!!! Hysterical!!!!!

I woke up today to silence.
Complete and total silence.
When you live in a 1000 square foot house with three cats…it’s never silent.

So I jumped up and started moving from room to room calling for them…nothing. And it clicked.

Kitty door into the garage. Those fuckers climbed the gazebo posts I’ve been storing against the wall and got into my attic. Well, Kikimama and Stormy came down IMMEDIATLY. Knew they were in trouble. Came down and tucked tail and assumed positions on the buffet and piano.

Sambo was nowhere to be found. I was calling. I was calling inside and calling outside, though there was no way he could be outside…I finally moved the gazebo thingys, pulled over the ladder, Thank GOODNESS I hadn’t returned it to M’Lynn yet, and got my phone and flashlight and climbed aboard. I’d never been up in my attic yet and let me just say, I’m an itchy scratchy insulation filled girl right now. It’s filthy up there. But I was calling and flashing and calling and . . . . nothing.

He was just gone. I knew it. I got nary a me nor an ow. I called my dad while in the middle of crying like a fool, and screaming at the big cats, “you just left him up there to diiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!”…i’m not always so based in reality you know…anyway I asked dad if he could be in a vent, or stuck in a wall or whatever and while he was assuring me that was impossible…KERFLOP. Out sticks this little black face looking at me like “what the fuck ma? I was napping!”

assholes.

all of them.

and that was before nine a.m.

what the hell would I /will I do if I ever have human children???????

Yes. Yes I am….hahahahahahaha.

Ok honey, you’ve peaked our interest with the moving to Florida thing. It’s time for a guest blog…email me and I’ll post it. we all need to know when to pack the sunscreen and if you’ll supply the glitter?

xoxoxoxoxo

Today is the day that I got married.
It would have been my thirteenth anniversary.
On the thirteenth.

I always take note of this day…not to wail, to become maudlin and morose…I just take note. It is what it is.

I will always be sad that I got a divorce. I never ever wanted to be divorced. I wanted to be married. I thought I was doing the right thing, on the right path. On paper he was right on the money. In college, going on to be a college graduate with plans for a future. He was a Christian, and though I was Southern Baptist and he was Assembly of God, we were ok. We went to church, and I liked that. I liked being the wife of the pastor’s son. We wanted children, wanted to make our parents grandparents. On paper…it was shiny and good.

In reality, it was a double life, dark and hidden. He smoked pot. A lot. And went to strip clubs. A lot. And drank beer. more than a lot. We could never just keep beer in the fridge, to have after work, or with dinner. If it was there, he was drinking it.

Niiiiiiiiiiice.

Three months into the “marriage” he told me that he never meant to propose, that it was just supposed to be a “conversation about getting married” and I pushed the issue to the point that he felt like he had to.

niiiiiiiiiiice.

Shortly after that milestone, let’s say four or five months, he quit college. Said we couldn’t afford for us both to go that he would get a job. Well, he didn’t. I was going to school full time, twenty or so hours, working twenty or so hours at whatever shitty job I could find and I had to put us on foodstamps. No Access card, kids. Food. Stamps. The kind that came in a booklet that you had to tear out while everyone behind you in the store is heaving sighs and rolling eyes.

niiiiiiiiiiice.

And shortly after that, he moved to the couch. Or wherever he would pass out. There was no sex…apparently I was no longer shiny and new. Or he’d found someone else. Still I stayed, thinking that’s what you do. did. I just ignored everything, we were the couple at church, we were the couple at our friends parties, and at home we were…seperate.

niiiiiiiiiiice.

So, hindsight being what it is, I’m thankful for making the decisions that I made. I’m glad we never had children. I’m glad it was a clean break. I am also glad that I met him, that for awhile, he made me laugh,that I fell in love with him, that I followed him onto campus at my college. Thru him, I met some of the most important, precious people in my life today…Roger, Ma, JC and Layne, Carol, Julie… Because of his final ultimatum I followed my dreams and ran off to join the circus. So to speak, and met some of you…Kizz,Dionysas,Clemo,Carus… For that, I will always be grateful.

So on this day, each year, I think about it. I think about how life changes. I think about hope and possibility, both of which I was full of that day. I think about how I really have no regrets as far as he is concerned and though I wish I could say, “No. I’ve never been married”… well I have. And it is what it is. I wish that when I find that man, that witness to my life, that great love that I am destined for, that I could look at him and say it was the first time… I can, however say, that it will be the last time.

Nice.
Very very nice.

Gert posted this post last night and when I read it this morning, I wept. Tears in my java. I can’t tell you how nice it is for me to read the peace and nostalgia in her words. I’ve been making my own peace with the hometown for awhile now…finding love and light in the corners of it. I told Gert that when I was looking for houses, that if I had any kind of reason, I would have bought back there, or in the surrounding small towns. For me, though, it would have been pointless. For her…it made perfect sense.

Her post is a lovely tribute to where we came from, and a beautiful statement of what a mother can give a child. Kudos, Gert. That post was just lovely.

It’s the first day for me and while we were all sleeping nicely thru the night, the boys decided around 6 to start running around full of morning crazies and then, apparently disgusted with my ability to sleep through it, Sambo decided to just bite thru the covers and into my ankle. Fucker. I’m UP!! I’m UP!!!

I let them out for about five minutes this morning. First time. But the morning is nice and calm and the dogs next door are still inside so I thought it would be ok. Kikimama and Stormy both came out and sniffed around. Sambo got two paws outside and decided, naah. not so much. Then I panicked and brought them back in. I know they miss the frontier and want them to be able to walk around out there and run and play…but a little at a time.

So that I don’t become a blogger who only talks about her cats, insuring that I will never date again, let me move on to other topics! This weekend is a full social one for me. . . and I’ll just bet you will never in a million years guess who I’m seeing in concert!

Yes. That’s right folks! It’s Bret Michaels from Poison and let’s not forget, star of tv’s Rock of Love!!!

i know. But MGirl and Mandrea were all hopped up and excited and I’ll be damned if I get left out of all those fun stories so I threw in my ticket money and jumped on board. That will be some fun. Right?
Saturday night is a YaYa Birthday, and then MGirl and myself have tickets to go see Randy Rogers at the Wormy Dog Saloon which is in Bricktown across from the ballpark. On top of all of that, it’s Bedlam Baseball that night, OU vs. OSU which is a HUGE event. LOTS of people and very very busy…But what the hell! I moved back to OKC to be close to my circle and social network so why spend it all at home?!?!?

I watched Less Than Zero last night for the first time in a decade. If you have never seen it, I urge you to do so. Robert Downey Jr is the epitome of brilliance. Haunting. It’s fun to look at the gaudiness that was the 80’s and sad to look at the gluttony that so many got caught up in…makes you never EVER EVER want to do drugs again, or to never ever EVER try anything more than a baby aspirin! Seriously. But the soundtrack was good and took me way back….good stuff.

So that’s it for me this morning. Need more coffee. Need to get organized for the day. Huzzuah and Happy Tuesday and I love George Clooney. “. . . ahhh Clooney. Clooney is like a Channel suit…never goes out of style”

So the housewarming party is being planned. The Evite is being edited. I got my Picasso from the framers and HOLY SHIT IT’S BIGGER THAN THE BLUE BANANA!! Which means that the “perfect spot” I had picked for it to live no longer works. Alas, another perfect place has been found. When Mom comes in a few weeks we will hang it. Joe, I had NO IDEA you could help with the framing!! I have about three or five more things that await a frame so maybe we can work that out! Anyways, things are working well. The cats seem to be doing ok. Kikimama is still pissed at being here and having to live with stupid boys. But she’s kind of warmed up to me this afternoon. The boys just want outside. I’m thinking maybe a little excursion this evening.

Another week ahead of us. Most of you already started…how was it? Kizz was swinging and swaying today. It’s windy as all get out here, too hon. but at least my house isn’t moving. I think we are in for more funky weather this week…hopefully no more deaths and devistation. Did you all see the tornado damage in Pilcher? ugh. triple ugh.

I’m hungry. Off to the kitchen to scrounge up some vittles. This week, back to w.w. I’m betting that I’ve gained at least 5 pounds. We’ll see. I know it’ll be bad. What with the change and the not having real food in the house and the sunday funday-ing and the no smoking that has my system all out of whack….excuse after excuse but it stops this week. Back at it.

I’m gorging myself instead on Sex And The City eps. . . prepping for the movie. GOD I am frothing over at the mouth for it!!!

Today, after many years of want and wishing, my Picasso gets to hang on my wall, in a frame!!! I’m very excited about it! I go pick it up at 2! Huzzuah and Halakaleem. Now, if only I can hang it by myself, without help. Yesterday I did a lot of furniture moving and unpacking of books…today I’m SORE!!! ugh. But I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot this weekend! I fertalized/weed/feed the front and back yards and did lots of laundry! work work work. Not complaining though…not at all.

Well, kind of. My mail is lost in space. There is nothing coming to my house that’s been forwarded. I called the post office in the hometown and Larry The Postmaster is looking it up and calling me back. Sigh.

That’s all I got for right now. Gert moved into her house this weekend! I cannot wait to see it!!! Happy Monday, ya’ll. I’m out.

For all of the mothers in my life…Happy Happy Day. I am sending up this post due to the fact that all of my mothers are out of state this weekend and I’m too broke to travel. Or shop. So…next year we will have pressies and face time. This year will have to make do with a cyber party. Happy Mother’s Day!!

For Mom…her favorite.

For my sis. She heart’s the stargazer lily.

For Bonusmom because she loves them and all of hers got blown away in the storm!

I forgot to tell ya….you know I’ve been obsessing on Freaks and Geeks. In fact, when I get some extra $$ I’m buying it. Seriously. I love it so much. . . I have been able to figure out what’s happened to most of the actors in the show, where they’ve gone, what they are doing now..except the three young boy geeks. My favorite of course was Bill. I don’t know about you, but he is the funniest, most endearing part of that threesome. I love each of them for different reasons, but Bill had my heart. I wondered how he grew up, if he was still acting, what he looks like now because that kid in that series…well. It was brilliant casting.

Shut the front door!!! HE IS IN KNOCKED UP!! I finally IMBD’d him and he’s had a long career and looks just good now!! Martin Starr is his name. Have a cookie lookie.

well we got a little more sleep last night that the previous. I believe we are all adjusting to our new life. Could have been that I was just too damned sleepy to wake up to the noise. Whatever we’re up and atem this Friday morning. The sun is shining. I got up and made taco pizza both with meat/beans without beans and vegetarian for our potluck today. I have a kitty laid out in my lap, the big boy on the table pining out the window and the girl who is still pissed off at me walking around. Stormy just walked is fat ass right out the kitty door and used the potty this morning as if it was nothing! Smart boy. I tried to show Sambo, but he refuses to just walk thru, he has to take his paw, pry open the outer edge, get his head under that, then paw open the actual door, and by that time his give a shit is gone so he just turns around and lays down.

ahhhh. Normalcy.

Heading to the bar tonight to see a band with MGirl. I’ve decided that we are living life per Season Five of SATC. No boys. Just girlfriends and life and laughing. That’s it. We’ll tell ya how that’s going next week!

Have a great weekend normal people, and for the rest of us, ONE MORE DAY!!! Halakaleem, Huzzuah, and Happy Friday.

Ps…just watched Knocked Up again, and can I tell you how much I am in love with Seth Rogan. Yes I realized I just said Season Five, but this is movie boys and I think that to be safe enough.