Juliana Sara Elizabeth was born around 8:30 pm last night. She died soon thereafter. Mom held her, as did my brother in law and his mother. I’m not sure of anymore details. It’s over…yet just beginning somehow.

Mom said she was beautiful.

Peace, my dear one. . . you have touched our lives, we have a footprint on our heart.

My sis is in labor as I type. There will be a birth. And a death. And a burial. State law requires some sort be it burial or cremation after 20 weeks. She’s 20 weeks and 2 days. They have picked a boy and a girl name. Juliana Sara Elizabeth or Hudson David Andrew. It will be born alive, and then go soon thereafter. My sister has been at the hospital since before 7am with the inducing medicine following, and as of 1pm she was dialated to only a 1. It’s now almost 5pm and still nothing new to report. I’m leaving for Arkansas at 7 tomorrow morning, and staying thru Tuesday, possibly Wednesday.

Mom said that the worst was being on the floor at the hospital with all the living babies. . .

So. Completly. Unfair.

just recieved news about my sister’s baby. it has no kidneys. it’s still growing, and kicking, and moving, but she’s acting as the kidneys for both of them. the doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancy gave them this option. Terminate now, or wait until July, deliver, and watch it die. It would be the same scenario as taking someone off of dialysis.

I am numb. and angry. This is the third time for her. Three pregnancies, three losses. Three too many.

and she’s a good girl. she really is the true sense of good. all she wanted was a baby.

empty.

now, we just have to await their decision. . . and just try to get through this as a family. broken bits and all.

i worry about the wonderchild, who after the last miscarriage, shook his fist in the air and screamed “bad jesus!!!”

how will they tell him…again?

empty.

That game! That GAME!!! How many evenings have we sat around playing that GAAAAMMMEEE!!! Wait…wait..i got it, what’s that movie with that guy? You know the one….Damn. I lost it. It always happens that way, right when you figure out how to connect one of the Golden Girls, or Cousin It, the brain flops. Partially, well, mostly due to severe intake of anything alcohol…whatever.

I happen to love playing 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon. I love the initial theory. I always have. Now I love it even more. Kevin Bacon, who if I’m correct, didn’t initially have a lot of love for the game, has turned it around. 6 degrees of good begetting good. Go, check it out. It’s, in my opionion, the perfect use of celebrity.

no news on my sis. . . her dr.’s appointment isn’t till THURSDAY. duh.

That last post kind of gave the brush off to all of you that are NOT from my Saginaw days. Totally unintentional. For all of you, Happy Valentine’s Day! You are loved! Treat yourself to a little chocolate!
Oh, and these are for you too…

Today my sis goes to the high risk pregger doctor in Joplin. Send love and light that all will be well, she will be out of risk and whatever news we get, we will handle with grace.

Valentines is taking a backseat to this, for me anyway. I work until 8 tonight,it’s freezing cold snowing nasty stuff outside. Not nearly the amounts that most of the country’s seeing, but still, the windchill is something like 4 below. Single digits shouldn’t be allowed in weather. Ever. We’re still ‘oncall’ at work. The Big Guy from Vidal Sassoon didn’t show yesterday. Flight problems. I think he just looked at the weather and said “bite this if I’m leaveing 70 degrees for that crap” anyway, allegedly he’s here this afternoon. Over It. Officially.

Last night, I watched the last half of Shakespeare in Love.

I remember watching that first, by myself and then again with a group of friends in Saginaw. Funny how it brings it all back. Night before last, I caught Blast from the Past. Yet another Saginaw showing….is it the weather? Is there a full moon? Possibly, certainly, I’m just missing my friends. So to you, scattered all over, Happy Valentines Day. Have a big ass bite of chocolate and know that you are loved and missed!

You will never age for me, nor fade, nor die

Have lost 10 lbs as of this mornings WW weigh in.

Huzzaah.

A beautiful display last night. Five out of five. Sometimes it’s not just about right or wrong. Sometimes it’s not just about who has the biggest mouth. Sometimes it’s not about who gets kicked harder. Sometimes it’s not about anything, and then sometimes it’s about more.

As most or some of you know my sis is pregnant. This after two pretty awful miscarrages one of which resulted in the loss of a tube. She’s been doing ok, if you discount the horrendous morning sickness that lasts all day. Due in early July, so we’ve got a few more months of it. They did the ultrasound today to check “things” and determine the sex. When they got in, it was found that the amniotic fluid is low. So low that she’s going to a specialist in Joplin on Thursday. It’s usually problems with kidneys, but the kidneys are there. So we really don’t know what’s up.

It’s hard, this waiting. For those of you that pray, please do so. For those who don’t just send some light our way.