850 and Being Specific!

This is our 850th post here at the Circus! Happy Humping Day, ya’ll!!! It’s a big one.

I started working on life last night. Homework and life and all kinds of fabulous goonie goo goo focus stuff. Let me first, back up. I’ve been in contact with an old high school friend via the (you guessed it!) Facebook. We’ve progressed from random wall writings to texts to phone calls. (no. don’t go there. he’s really just a friend!) Anyways, we talked for over an hour last night. It was one of the best pep talks I’ve ever heard.

and you guys know me. I’m the one that GIVES the pep. I have a hard time recieving the pep. but this got through. and it’s nothing that I haven’t lived, loved, expressed, preached, believed, breathed or invested in before. I have. I do. I’ve done. . . yet not now. not recently. So. I’m revived. I’m writing out my specific life lists. Focusing on what I want. and frankly gentle readers, that’s the hard part. How can I ask/pray for/manifest what I don’t know?

Numskullery commented awhile back that he thinks I DO know what I want, what T.N.B.T. is but have somehow stomped it into submission. paraphrasing. Maybe this homework will bubble it up to the top. Maybe it will.

my friend, Savage, says that things like that, our thoughts and our energies get to the point and because of past programming where we go “nothing is happening. it’s not working. i’ll never __________” then it just goes away again. Whatever IT was that was gurgling to the top.

We go towards those things we think about.

I KNOW this. I GET this. I have LIVED this. Visualize. Focus. Energy. Good. Love and Light! all of it.

but I got off track somewhere between leaving ExHim and right this second. Oh hell, let’s face it. I got off track waaaaaay before ExHim and Mr. Stupid—so point is, it’s time. and all of that guilt and negative thought process that I automatically turn to, that “i don’t deserve it because…I feel like this is penance for…” that’s going away. Change the language, right Chrome?

Savage sent me this and I locked it in my phone. Feel free to mutter it under your breath at any moment during the day…

IN THE PAST, I HAD THE IDEA THAT I WAS NOT WORTHY OF ___________. I REFUSE TO LIVE IN THE PAST.

so I sat down and began making my list. my life script. well, not a script at this point firstly, just a list and here’s where my head went.
clients.
money.
tires/car repair
house repair/insullation/windows
passport
trash bags
flea bombs.

what the FUCK? flea bombs?

yes folks. My lovely children have brought me yet another gift. Yes. I have been remiss on their medication for the fleas this spring summer. We’ve been good to have catfood and toilet paper. so now, I have to go get some bombs for the house and make sure the cats are OUTSIDE locked out of the kitty door for the day. It’s gross and I feel unkempt and slothy about it but you know what? It’s my house. I can scratch if I want to. Bomb-it!!!

Meanwhile, I’ve finished my latest book and am in search for another. LT and I are on a mission to read my library this summer. I’m ready for something new though…maybe she’ll feed me a few weeks!

got my yards mowed, my pots watered, there is some satisfaction in that! felt good last night.

my lack of tv is dismal. really folks. but it’s fine. I have pleanty of dvd’s to watch. tonight I’m working my way (too slowly) through Battlestar Galactica. I watched several eps Monday, and want a few more injested tonight.

OH HEY! I got a free ticket to see The Drowsey Chaperone tomorrow night with my PseudoSis1. I’m so excited. I love this little show. It’s delightful and cannot wait for her to see it! That was a nice surprise…

So it’s Humping Day, and a milestone at the Circus, and the beginning of some seriously specific shit going down over here…celebrate in any manner that you wish! Do a little dance…make a little love…snarf down some cake…clap your hands together and make some noise like George!
I love you.
I love Geroge Clooney.

5 thoughts on “850 and Being Specific!

  1. OK…You really need to read the War of Art. I'll even lend you my copy (hope you don't mind that I wrote in the margins and underlined things).And if you are still trying the meditation thing, I recommend using that phrase as your mantra. Sitting up nice and tall, preferably with your back resting on something, eyes gently closed. Find the coolnes of the breath as it hits the back of the throat on the inhale, following into the lungs and out as you exhale. Use your thumb to count through each section (three) of each finger saying the mantra at each point. Perfect meditation for you right now. Yeah…sorry…Yogi Cindy decided to leave a comment.

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  2. I can't say it… specific… Pacific…. spa cif ic. Nope. But yeah! for motivation and self awareness and goals! Yeah for moving and stretching! Congratulations on 850! I thank the Good Lord every day that you finally decided to blog!

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  3. The Darjeeling Limited, and especially Up have had me thinking about the exact same thing this past week. I've had a blog post brewing about it but there is just too much to say.

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