Gasp. Gulp. Gah.

Well, I got to class today and had a panic attack. Apparently, from my previous week’s notes, I was supposed to write a one page summery over the book. Welp. I didn’t do that. So in the 15 minutes before class, I whipped it out.

Turns out, that was not what we needed a one page paper over. We needed a one page paper over the “Researcher Role” –I did that. But I thought it was just a few bits of information about the subject we picked from the book. I picked “Yankee Doodle” and I wrote about a half a page of info as it pertained to the book.

When I explained to the teacher that it wasn’t a full page, that I’d misunderstood, that I had written a summery of the book, bla bla bla, she said, “Oh I’m not even going to read them anyway. It just counts that you did it.”

well fucking fuck.

I have to tell you, if I hadn’t already read all the books save one, and I didn’t think I could crank out an A in this class I would probably drop it. But we’ll see. We’ll see.

My research class? I get there, and we all have to pass out copies of the one page paper we did last week, and get in front of class and present it. Mine was just…not much. Everyone’s page was chock full. We were given specific fonts and spacing to use, but apparently I need to correct my margins because seriously. . . it was like 4 sentences. But because we were only allowed 2 paragraphs, the material that was there was the best of the best. I spent the first half of the class being really self critical and feeling stupid and vulnerable.

At the break, several of us began talking, and there were two other girls in their first semester of grad school with the same googly eyed look and I realized we’re all just doing what we can. Figuring it out. We’re all just trying to get through it and perhaps we’re making it up as we go.

I got up and presented my paper and made a little comment on my margins and gave a witty quip to a snarky remark from the penut gallery and voila! I was finished! I felt ok. I had some contact with the professor. He’s freakin brilliant, ya’ll. And he makes very little eye contact with us and that can be disconcerting . Anyways, we had some banter and after class I approached him about the book I want to use for our big giant ass 20 page research paper and he approved it. YAY.

I think this class that I dreaded the most may turn into one of my favorites.

It wasn’t an easy ride today. But it wasn’t the worst either.

5 thoughts on “Gasp. Gulp. Gah.

  1. Ah… those were the days. My cat ate my homework.
    I hate that its stress… because you are going to be brilliant no matter what!
    You want this. Voluntary. Completely. You are choosing to make a life change.
    You are no longer forced to show up in Mrs. Holsted’s class… or Mrs. Shook, remember her? What an ass she was!
    I know you feel like you are running back and forth as fast as you can to get the balls over the net… but it must feel good to know… you have all the balls dear.
    You have balls. Always have.
    Die your hair blonder like Agassi and get some new Nike sweat bands.
    Channel really winning. Because you are winning.
    I love you.


  2. Keep it up! Grad school brings out the snarky like nobody’s business. But you are way above and too smart for any of it. You will be just fine.


  3. The one thing you will never have to worry about is the in class presentation. You will always rock the hell out of that. Every classmate will envy you that, I promise.


  4. I TOTALLY COMPLETELY AGREE with everything that was said above by Kizz, Chris, Cindy, and Audra. =) I couldn’t even say it better myself.. And I do like the idea of dying your hair MORE blonde, and the balls.. hehehe.. that made me laugh! They are all spot-on with their replies! xoxo


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