So I almost lost my temper yesterday in class.
I can’t remember how long it’s been since I really REALLY unleashed my temper.
It’s been on lockdown for years.
It’s the class with That Girl. The one that’s been in school all of her life. That knows more than everyone in the class as well as the professor teaching the class. She hogs discussion time, is abrasive and at times downright offensive.
She is the girl that eschews all things conventional. Uber Femminist. Rails against the institution of marriage. Has said many times how she does not want children. . . and there is absolutely nothing wrong with making these choices in life…but when you pronounce them to the class with an obvious tone of disdain to anyone who makes different choices…it’s offensive. She can be described as the stereotypical femminist who is single, plain in appearance, slightly overweight, and collects both degrees and cats. (there’s irony in the stereotype, eh?)
But she is educated. She is really really educated. She is in the minority…
That knows better.
We’ve been looking at poetry this week. Gwendolyn Brooks for one. (I do love me some Gwendolyn Brooks poetry.) Other works by other women authors. Jewish authors. African-American authors. Lesbian authors. Married, mothered authors. It’s delightful.
The poem More of a Corpse than a Woman by Muriel Rukeyser was up for discussion yesterday.
“…all of them alike, expensive girls, the leaden friends, one used to play piano, one of them once wrote a sonnet, one even seemed awakened enough to photograph wheatfields–the dull girls with the educated minds and technical passions–pure love was their employment, they tried it for enjoyment.”
She is certainly referencing a specific stereotype. We all know women that fit this description. And certainly, in 1938 when this piece was written, it was the majority, not minority of women who followed this path in their lives. The educated female writer was in the minority.
Now. Our professor makes this point. That we all know this type of woman.
That Girl, then commandeers the class. Tells her story of how she only looked at all girls schools when she was looking. That she was a legacy in the Pi Phi house at OU and just wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT LIFE.
This turned into a vocal lynching of all things sorority/fraternity and while we’re at it let’s throw in the Junior League too.
“vapid. stupid. empty.”
“I cant imagine wanting that life”
“ugh. and when they grow up…the jr league..just as bad…”
I was gritting my teeth, clenching my fists, holding my breath.
THIS is what we’ve come to? It was nothing more than a grown up game of dodgeball by a sanctimonious group of people that for some reason or another chose a different path than that of a sorority, or any charitable women’s organization.
It was offensive.
My sisters, my friends, my people have a long history with sororities. My PseudoSis1 is in the Junior League. I know what work and good comes out of groups like this.
Are there snotty white girls with their pearls and pointy shoes and their plastic surgery scars tucked neatly behind their I-Know-My-Husband-Is-Cheating-smiles?
Do you think they are exclusive only to the Kappa Delta house or the Junior League? Have you not seen them at church? Sitting in the library? Teaching grad school? Working at the bank?
Pull your head out sweetheart.
I don’t remember much of the remainder of the class.
I was equal parts pissed and heartbroken.
My professor was beating the drum just as loudly as That Girl, and everyone else on the bandwagon.
Aren’t we…ESPECIALLY those of us in this class who are studying themes like “women finding a voice, and women writing and fighting social issues”. . . aren’t we supposed to lift each other up? Aren’t we supposed to look at where we’ve come and sound the trumpet for the fact that we GET A CHOICE in our path? Shouldn’t WE be the ones to set fire to the stereotypes and dance crazy on the graves of our suppressors?
- We COULDN’T VOTE UNTIL 1920! (the 19th Ammendment)
- We didn’t have the right to chose what happened to our own bodies until 1973! (Roe v. Wade)
- In 2006, nearly 13 million children under 18 years of age lived in households with incomes below the poverty threshold ($20,614 for a family of 4 in 2006); (www.hrsa.gov)
- Women make 75.5 cents for every dollar a man makes. (http://usgovinfo.about.com)
Don’t we have more important things on our plate?
I am not a sorority girl.
I didn’t ever have that option.
I am not a member of the Junior League.
I am a member of the League of Amazing and Indefinable Woman***
And like the women before me, I stumble. I get back up.
I want the best for all of us.
I want to know and to do…better.
And the next time That Girl starts talking trash on a group of people that I love…well…I want to be able to stand my ground and curb the instinct to pull out her voice box with my manicured nails. . .
but I’ll be sure to wear my pearls on that day…just in case.
***Membership Open To All!
7 thoughts on “Those Girls And Their Pearls”
Oh yeah, women like THAT GIRL, they always blame men for there woes, for oppressing them, for keeping them down. But all the while, they make it harder on themselves and other women to make progress in the world because now, not only do they have to fight the Good Ole Boys’ Club, they want — even need — to tear down other women. Basically, all the bad shit that’s happened in their lives is always someone else’s fault. And you know there are going to be stories filled with anger, of bad shit happening, and wrongs done unto them…because really, if there’s not, what the hell are they so angry about?
I did warn you. Sounds like she’s gotten a touch more of the crazy over the years though.
You did. and it’s because I’ve known about her that I’ve been able to just “brush brush move on”–She is, however, crossing the lines of more than just me. Eyes are rolling all over the classroom…Should be an interesting thing to watch progress.
That girl fails to realize that her actions and words against women of “that type” are no better than how she perceives those types to act or talk against her. I know that girl and I know her story. She comes from money, the kind of family that has seen divorce on several occasions and I’m sure she was raised on a fair share of snotty. To break free of that, she choose to go the opposite way. Raising Hope just did an episode like this.
The thing she doesn’t get and maybe this is something you will be able to teach her, is that we have enough things pushing us towards that mud hole. Wouldn’t it just be better if we, as women, held on to the backs of each other shirts so we don’t fall in?
Why do so many women feel the need to put down others of the same gender based on a difference of opinion (be it size, parenting choices, life paths)? Is it wrong that I am a little hopeful “That Girl” does this again soon so that you can make a terrific point for the rest of us?
I think you need to print this post out and keep it in your pocket. This woman (and apparently your teacher and other classmates) is going to give you reason to stand this ground again. You can do it without bloodshed but make your point better than all that rote BS she’s spouting. You even have your stats cited. You’re good.
HBO has a Gloria Steinem doc if you are really interested in lifting… its fantastic.
You are right dear. So right. One thing about school is you don’t get to choose who you sit next to on a bar stool…. that is decided for you. However… it doesn’t mean they sure can’t learn from you.