Well yesterday was a bitch. I got my review of teaching back and did NOT get the full 25 points. She claimed I/we–and yeah…it was supposed to be a joint project but I was gone from class for Joe’s fathers funeral so had to rely on her emailing me first…and she did sometime Thursday night and finally sent me what she had on Sunday at 9pm…so F that…anyways the professor said it didn’t look like we worked together so she took off for that. She also said we didn’t bring any history of the book into the class. I argued that the history element was brought in with the documentary and oh yes, remember how I also gave historical and background information when I INTERVIEWED THE DIRECTOR as well as printed off information and made handouts for the class???
She gave me an extra point. And did say that at the end of it all, if the other point is a make it or break it for me that she would give it to me.
Disappointing.
On to the next class where I got my research problem paper back from last week. It was one that just was hard. But apparently I did the research and writing quite well. Citing websites is where I completely threw away my grade. Daily grade of C+ with margin notes “review how to do a works cited page”
Citing databases and material found online is just awkward. Nothing I ever had to deal with in 1997 which was the last time I cited anything official other than my opinion. No excuse. I failed. Time to go back to the handbook and get on the MLA website and learn it.
I felt the anxiety in my chest during class. Anxiety about money. About my clients. About keeping my head above water. I could feel my chest tightening and my heart pounding and tears welling up in the back of my eyes, all the while I’m furiously taking notes on “A Brief History of Literary Criticism.” I did some deep breathing and pulled my focus and compartmentalized like a fiend and got through class. Our major authors assignment came last night, a 2 part bibliography, the last part annotated. I chose Faulkner. Because I’m drawn to Southern writers. I hope I didn’t shoot myself in the foot…but that’s another blog post. Class was over. I made it. That C+ though, was my final straw. Walking to my car in the dark, tears running a marathon down my cheeks…I looked up and saw the moon.
And immediately flipped it off.
Same song. Full moon.
It’s a new morning.
I have coffee. I have an appointment with my advisor for November 2nd to get my plan of study on record. I’m about to head out to class with homework complete and readings finished. I’ve packed the backpack with everything to work on after class…
It’s a brand new day.
Sidebar: Yet one more reason I love the social networking…and my life. This morning after class, as I’m setting up in the library, forwarding my mail here, making arrangements for the cats while I live here, my friend from high school Stewart Brower sent me an email. He’s a library genius. Tulsa area I believe but would have to stalk his FB to be sure. His mother was our librarian at El Reno High School, and a friend of my mothers. Lot’s of connections. He sent me an email with sites to check for help on Works Cited. He sent me a name of a friend who is a reference librarian here. On my campus. He sent a lifeline. And even though I KNOW I can figure out the whole MLA stuff, and that I will do much better on this assignment…man. It’s so nice to know that there are people watching…at the ready to help and lift up. *sniff. tears. damned full moon.*
Angles watching over me. Every step I take.
Misti Ridiculous 
Go get ’em!
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So glad your friend did that. I was going to suggest you ask Mrs. Chili to do a blog post on it, she’s usually on top of that kind of thing since she’s teaching it. If none of that works I KNOW LIBRARIANS and I’m not afraid to use them. Just let me know.
Love you.
Love Faulkner.
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Not fun for a “all-in-a-day” day. Keep on chugging along, you can do it…you can do it!
I am proud of you and all of the fabulous leaps you are taking. And above all, I so appreciate you, your friendship and all that is you.
Gotta love an El Reno connection and Mrs. Brower!!
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Now you have your mark… where to excel to. It hard to know what they expect until you get those first grades. What’s disappointing is sometimes you are smarter than they are and you just have to put on the wellies and trudge through the mud to get to the next thing. I had several instructors in Culinary school… that didn’t give a cluck. And they didn’t give a cluck that I gave a cluck and I was way, way smarter than they were. But then I also had those that didn’t think I was smart at all but rather a smart ass. Some of it is politics and a personality game. I remember and it sucks when a class disappoints you and an instructor is not really there, invested to teach, but only to rule. Sometimes you just learn what not to do. I love you.
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You singin’ the Amy Grant? 🙂
Honey. I wish I could hug you. I fucking loathed all that citing bullshit. HATED it. It was such a dance and I every single paper I wrote I felt it was a miracle I didn’t get a D- for fucking up the damn citations. HATE it.
But time will be a gift to you. This is your first semester. You will have it nailed eventually. You really will.
I’m so glad to hear about your lifeline. You think it speaks volumes about social networking. I would agree. But I would also say it speaks volumes about YOU. He didn’t have to reach out. Some people are just damn worth it.
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