Ok. So. I start fresh TODAY. Because I sucked it up last night.
I went out and met some friends last night. I got to see Hope…sweet sweet Hope who buried her Rudy last week. She’s so stoic. She wants no fuss. No extra attention. I get that. We talked. We laughed. She showed me her new truck. . . or pickup, I’m not sure what it’s called really. She’s such a country gal, with her big rides and shiny things she attaches to them. It was good to hug her.
But then my club soda turned to Miller Lite…and clearly that’s just not something I can let myself do right now. No control. Not really. Not enough for me.
Hitting the drive thru for more therapy in the form of fake cheese in a styrofoam container happened next.
I know my mechanisms for dealing. And I’ve got to find a way, figure out how to get new ones.
Trish has said time and time again, Long John Silvers and Taco Mayo ARE therapists…just the really really bad ones that molest you on their couch while wearing a mask of your dad.
bad. bad. therapy.
I’ma figure out some good therapy.
There were good parts, I got to have some time with PseudoSisters #1 and #2, with MGirl who I just miss with my whole heart. We talked about Rudy and life, current shitty situations, boys, school. It was good to laugh and cry with her, too.
The Good of 2012….Audra’s restaurant, upcoming weddings of people that I love, new relationships and happiness for other people that I love…I’m focusing on that. It’s not been all bad. The great things have been really dang great.
And now I’m going to go make some coffee and a 200 calorie breakfast and read some Aphra Behn.