Ebb and Flow

My friend lost her brother in law suddenly this past week. Early 40s, heart attack, never regained consciousness.

I’m going to a benefit this afternoon in honor of Rudy. Proceeds to help his wife Hope deal with medical bills and the business of death. It will be a mixture of music and fun and friends and yet…the underlying obvious thing missing will be Rudy.

One of my clients is facing a biopsy this coming week on a tumor that was found.

I just finished a great weekend that was full of work, and live music, and laughing and bitching and lavender blueberry cobbler with a ginger butter crust.

The fact that all of this can all happen in the same calendar space is…interesting at the least, isn’t it?

Figuring out how to put one foot in front of another, juggling responsibilities like bills, and duties, work and home, employees and litter boxes, all the while keeping your soul filled with great gulps of optimism at what is ahead…it’s a thing. Indeed it is a thing.

I always have those things that gnaw at me. . . soundlessly gumming my outer layer of sanity away. . . about money, about my appearance, about what I should be doing better in my relationships, about how to not be taken advantage of while still living a generous life. And as with most things, I ebb and flow.

Hawk and I realized years ago, that we ebb and flow. We decided that we’re better off when we’re flowing, so we work at staying in that space. She gets it. So do I.

I know that when I’m eating right, moving around, keeping the bad things at bay, I feel better. Those things need to ebb. A whole lot of ebbing needs to start happening in that area. But you know, this whole damned blog is full of posts that say that very thing. It seems it’s just the circle I live in.

Wouldn’t it be nice, if we could all ebb and flow at our whim? If I could just blink and make it nice and tidy and organized and neat and timely? If the good could just outweigh the bad. If we could ebb the loss and flow the love. . .

Wouldn’t that just be nice.


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