Breathing Again

Last week is finally in the rear view, and thankfully all survived and maybe even excelled from it. Yesterday I finished up the event and went grocery shopping, came home and grabbed a bite to eat then just crashed.

Hard.

It was that delicious, dead, heavy during the day guiltless kind of sleep. Mark woke me up because we had to be at the Frontier for family photos and some fall festing which by the way was glorious. I can’t wait to see our photos, and sitting by the fire, watching the boys play like hyenas was just perfect. It almost made up for missing the real Fall Fest…but I’m still really sad about that.

Today, I got my butt in gear and got my tax stuff ready. I’ve waited until the last 48 hours before my extension is up because frankly, I forgot about it. The new job, the move…it just escaped my mind. As I sat and went through bits and pieces of paper I thought, I won’t have to do this again. Next year, my taxes will be easy. All of these bills and paper? I don’t own that place anymore. Glorious.

Mark is finishing up the last of the repair list at Julie’s house today. There may be a thing here or there but for the most part we’re done.

I have one more big big thing on my calendar this week but by Wednesday I think it will be easy to breathe. We can focus on unpacking here, and getting truly back to living the quiet life. I’ve got green chile stew on the stove for supper tonight, it’s overcast and rain is coming. For the first time in so so so many…I’m breathing in without this big lump of anxiety.

I’ve been meditating this weekend on what a year brings, and trying to really let go of the anxious. It was one year ago this weekend that I met Mark. One year ago this weekend I was knee deep in anxious and needed that mountain music get away like no other. No one could have guessed how my life was going to change. No one could have even tried to tell me that from that weekend forward…everything would be different…I wouldn’t have believed them anyway.

One year with this relationship that has moved me right off of my center of gravity…and centered me like nothing ever has before.

I know that all of the change was necessary, and I’ve survived it for the most part, unscathed. But I’m tired. I want to be in my home, and be domestic, and gather with my friends who know me, and celebrate this life without worry and anxiety over anything more than just daily tasks.

It feels like that’s happening.

We’re all breathing again over here.