Love. Palpable.

We got married last week.

It’s really hard to believe that it’s been a full week since the Cousins landed at Tulsa St, almost a week since the weather reports started wrecking havoc on our plans, almost a week since we had the best wedding ever.

I said earlier, there’s a reason why people take honeymoons.

We are exhausted.

Not as much as we were on Monday, but still. Don’t text me after 9pm if you want a response. I’m an 80 year old woman these days.

But I’m a married 80 year old woman.

Last week really was just everything. I was surrounded by friends and family. Yes, there was stress and looking back it’s crazy at what I was stressed about.

Not having enough room to accomodate everyone at the non-rehearsal dinner. But really, not everyone wanted a seat, so no big deal.

Not having weather conducive to everyone coming to the wedding. But really, that room was packed.

And everyone was having fun. And those that couldn’t make it really *did want to be there, and I felt worse for their not getting to join in on the fun. So what we have pounds of artichoke and spin dip and fruit and cheese. That’s going to work tomorrow. It’s absolutely fine.

It really was a blur.

Truthfully.

I tried to live in the moment, and soak it all up but it is a blur. I’m so thankful for my family and friends who helped us piece this thing together. From the flowers to the cake to the photographs to the linens to the hair and make up to the music that accompanied me down the aisle…it was perfect.

The one thing I would change is to give someone else my phone. About 60 people text/phoned/emailed their condolences and every time I looked at one I got really really sad. So I spent time that I should’ve been happy feeling like no one was coming to our wedding and that is truly ridiculous. I should’ve given my phone to someone else. Because like Sheradee said, “you’re not hearing from the people that ARE coming.”

It was like the Oprah A-HA moment.

Duh.

And so I shook it all off. Turned off the phone and focused on the now. And we kicked up some music and Mandrea did my makeup and hair and we laughed and laughed. We were all riding on the energy that something major was about to go down and it felt goooooood. We smiled for photographs, and I ran through the room in my hiking boots and wedding dress and we took photos in the snow, with my Clan McClellan tartan wrapped around my shoulders.

I am OBSESSED with these tartan and snow photos. Literally.

My sister was the last one in the room with me and we spoke words of these men in our lives, and the lessons we have learned along the way and about how family is so important and how I was so thankful for Mark and I to have our families around us.

I looked at her and could visibly see her heart pounding in her dress.

“I really don’t know why *I’m nervous.”

“Me neither but now I am!”

And she gave me one last flounce and went to find her seat and Macie opened the door and said, “are you ready?”

And friends, my eyes are full as I type this, because in that singular moment, I am so clear.

Yes. Yes I am.

And the first notes to “God Only Knows” rang out and out I walked.

I remember smiles and feeling a wave of thick, comforting, embracing love that met me at the door. That room was full.

Full of people that had bought plane tickets and spent lots of money to get there. People that had driven for hours across the state in the storms. People who left their houses hours earlier to be there. They were lifting us up with so much love, it was palpable. I couldn’t even process it at that moment.

My eyes were locked onto Mark and we were both holding on by a small tiny thread.

When Trisha spoke, she spoke from not only her heart but from ours too.

“He sees her”

I could’ve gone full blown ugly cry, snot-sobbing. But I held it together.

Then Kizz stood up. Complete surprise to me (and a spur of the moment collaboration between she and Trish). She read the most beautiful poem and I tried once again to hold it together.

Vows spoken and then he was kissing me and we were married!

I can’t wait to see the photographs. I know that the cake was perfect and delicious because we have leftovers and the internet has not quit talking about it. Audra knocked it out of the park with this one. For sure.

It’s been a grand week of marriage.

 I wondered if it would feel different.

It does.

I have this sense of security, deeply rooted and unshakeable.

I’ve looked for this my entire life.

That was a surprise.

Ok I have to finish this because my husband just yelled at me to come look at the full moon with him.

I am a wife.

I am his wife.