Apparently I only write here on Fridays now.
There’s a part of my choir of voices that are rising up singing about how that is such a failure, that I should be writing here regularly, and it’s not for lack of want. I think about things as I’m driving to work that I would like to write about. But apparently, I only give myself the time to do it on Friday.
I think this week I’m just too wrung out not to write. I don’t want to carry this over into the long weekend we have planned.
This week has been gut wrentching. Beginning on Sunday when we gathered officially for final time with Audra and Joe before they departed to DC. It wasn’t exactly as we had planned, we didn’t get the whole day together but it was ok. Just the thought of us doing that, hearing each other’s voice SAY that was what we were going to do was enough. As we are frantically running around here this morning gathering and packing and checking off lists, I know how nuts it is trying to get out the door. I refused to cave though, refused to crack because this is a great opportunity for them. Traveling to a far away place, unexplored and ripe with advenures for them, who could deny that to someone you love, right? GO! Leap! LIVE! This world is much tinier than it was back in the 90’s when I left and we stayed in touch really well back then. Today we have the internets and the texting and it’s a daily communication that will likely be stronger.
But still. I really hate goodbyes. So longs. See ya laters. I hate them.
Sunday night was the series finale of Mad Men. And yeah, I’m putting it in the box of goodbyes because I loved this show. It choked me with nostalgia at times, for a time that I don’t really remember even but that’s what it did. And it ended. And I read the entire internet about the finale. But still. It’s over.
We have had five goodbyes at work this week. Some were planned, some were announced some were a surprise. And I do believe everyone is all the better for it. People are chasing dreams, the organization will move forward. But it is a loss. It is a loss of collective memory and information. And it is a change in the every day normal at the office. Faces gone. Offices empty.
Thursday night David Letterman signed off for the final time and I have to say, that was something else I was nostalgic about. I remember talking to Scott Hill on the phone one night when we were in high school, late. Way later than I was allowed to be on my phone, I’m sure. And I distinctly remember him telling me about David Letterman. “You really should watch it. You would like it”
And because I would do most anything for the attention of a boy back then, I did. And I did like it. And I remember the bru ha ha over the Tonight Show. And I moved with him to CBS. And I went to the theatre and took photos my first trip to NYC, and I went to the Hello Deli and without meaning to, David Letterman became a central thread to many of my life’s memories. He signed off with grace and kind words and while I haven’t watched him in years mostly because I’m asleep by that time but if I am awake I’m watching Jimmy, it felt like a goodbye to *my youth, to *my memories as well.
Our neighbors have sold their house and are moving to Bend, Oregon. I remember Julie telling me last summer that they had made the decision. It was going to happen. And I am never one to say, DO NOT DO IT. Because I have done it, I have taken the leap and it brought me wild joy and lifelong friends. This is the first neighborhood that I’ve lived in where we are a community. Neighbors gather, we visit, we play and laugh together. It’s like the movies. It is wonderful.
Last night was Julie and Farrel’s last night in their house. They will depart for Bend tomorrow but will be back in a few weeks for some medical procedures. It really is just a see you in a few weeks but for the house, and knowing that it holds our friends Julie Farrel and their dog Daisy Droke as we walk by on our Winnie Walks…that is over.
YOU GUYS I CANNOT STAND ONE MORE FUCKING ENDING OR GOODBYE THIS WEEK.
The way I am with goodbyes, just ask my family. Sobbing, snot oozing mess. Stories are told that when I was a wee child, 3 years old, I would cry everytime we left someplace and I would tell EVERYTHING good bye. “goodbye trees! goodbye mountains!”
But I haven’t sobbed this week. I’ve held strong. (I’m crying now a little but man, I kind of need to) and in just a few hours we will set out for our first weekend of camping this summer. We will meet my sis and brother in law and nephews and we shall camp. No teardrop for us this time as Taryn and Brett got themselves a fancy awesome camper and there’s only one allowed per site. Winnie is going with us.
We always took our dogs camping when I was little, so we’ll see how this works out!
It has been one helluva week.
SO many new beginnings for these people in my life! For that I am excited.
I know that we have trips to DC and to Oregon in our future. For that I am excited.
I have four days off from work, to soak up and breathe in and to live this life.
For that I am excited.
and so grateful.
Cheers to new beginnings!
2 thoughts on “New Beginnings Times a Billion”
Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki-Roshi was once asked by a sheepish student if he could sum up Zen in a sentence, and gave another version of the same answer: “Everything changes.”
“Life . . . it goes on . . .”
Savor today, this moment, as a gift . . . that’s why it’s called the present . . .
That’s it . . . my profundity quota for the day.
My sister-in-law’s dad lives in Bend. I hear it’s lovely. Right on the water. I feel like we say more goodbyes than hellos these days. Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello to new adventures. Hello to new travel places. Hello to reading all about a new life on the interwebs. Have a great time with your family this weekend.