Fucking Cancer

It was a super busy weekend. One of those where one event merged with the other to the point that by Sunday evening I was almost psychotic. Rambling texts trying to communicate but not doing anything but babbling. Mark and I both had work on Saturday, we had Carter Sampson scheduled for a house concert here Saturday night, LTYM alumni picnic on Sunday and Summerbreeze Sunday night. I didn’t make it to Summerbreeze, which is fine, because the tradeoff was getting to spend time with Mom & BonusDad who are in town.

It’s been a pretty rocky last week for my family. My step-brother was diagnosed with cancer, we are waiting details from tests and doctor visits this morning. Mom & Burl came in this weekend and are staying with us till they don’t need to anymore. I’ll not go into the details here, not today. Mostly because I don’t know what is speculation and what is true. But we’ve got some really positive ways this could go, once we find out a little more information about the case.  What I do know is that we are lifting Tim up, sending him love and energy and prayers for an outcome that is bright.

Mom and I got to talk last night, really and truly talk and that was such a gift. It was needed. Sometimes you just need to talk to your mom, right? She and I text all the time. A short phone conversation here and there. But those face to face talks are rare and precious. I’m so thankful that we got that. We are so much alike, we process the same hurts, the same wins. We got to talk about people in our lives who appear one way but in truth, are someone different.  I have some things to write about that but this morning isn’t the time. I need to be fair and try to discuss some things in an objective light. This morning all I want to do is say, “you’re being a bitch, and no one wants to be around you any more because of it.” Needless to say, we even though the circumstance is dire, we had a good visit. I miss my family. It felt good.

Burl was in the living room sitting on the couch (we haven’t moved the tv/stereo back from the concert) just staring at the walls. “I wanted to let the girls talk,” he said. What a good guy, this one.

I know they’re exhausted. Everyone is beside themselves with worry.

I pray for some positive outcomes from the tests and dr. visits today. Each time I start to think about it, I see this through the lens of cancer cases in the past. It takes me right back, gut punches, darkness. So I’m fighting to be positive and move forward.

So if you’ve got a moment or two today, send up a prayer for Tim. We would appreciate it so much.

6 thoughts on “Fucking Cancer

  1. Misti, I’m sorry Tim and your family have to fight cancer. People who have been in your shoes or love someone who has know what it’s about. Strength to him and you all for the long journey, and many prayers.

    I want to comment on this: “We got to talk about people in our lives who appear one way but in truth, are someone different. I have some things to write about that but this morning isn’t the time. I need to be fair and try to discuss some things in an objective light. This morning all I want to do is say, ‘you’re being a bitch, and no one wants to be around you any more because of it.'”

    I look forward to reading what you have to say about this, because I’ve been thinking about how to handle people who are toxic and damaging but have little to no idea how out of bounds they are. They don’t self-reflect, they deflect everything onto someone else, and the problem is then your problem. With such a mindset, the offender never has to change, and has the bonus of always feeling self righteous.

    Lately I have simply called people on their behavior. People with character, soul, and heart take it and grow from it (as per Proverbs, the wise person welcoming and accepting correction). People who are jerks never do.

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  2. Of course, absolutely of course we will lift not just your step-brother, but your whole family up. These times are always so hard, so much stress and anxiety. Prayers for all.

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  3. Cancer can suck it! I want to just shout a big “Fuck you Cancer!” for you guys. I’m sending all of the healing thoughts their way. Since Dad died, Mom and I haven’t been really good at talking to each other. Those rare moments and visits when we do get that opportunity are sacred to me now.

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  4. Oh, Misti–what crappy news for Tim. I’ll start praying for him.
    A good friend of mine died yesterday afternoon from cancer. She fought so hard.
    She was such a good woman. Some losses are harder than others for me-this was one of them. I know there’s no answer to Why?, but I wish there was.

    Thanks for listening. I love you.
    -Mary

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