Clarity

I want to hire someone to come feng shui my house. I know that the first step will be de-clutter. It seems as if everytime I get something uncluttered, five minutes later it’s just as gross as it was before. It’s exhausting. I know the energy in this house isn’t great. I can feel it weighing down on all of us. I need some space. Some light. Some new and fresh.

This weekend was dark. It’s getting better. But it isn’t great. I’ve completely shut down. One hundred percent. Off. Not mad. Not ragey or stabby or weepy or forgiving. I’m just off. Friday night sent me spiraling back into my old safety net and it’s taking a bit to shake it off. To the point that I can’t even get motivated to DO anything. Yesterday was silent. Shame. Grief. I just ignored it all and stayed in another room and slept or watched Suits. Now that I’m finished with that show…I’m at a loss.

I don’t want to waste the weekend. I have one more day. He is of course busy with the depot. as usual. I just need to make some choices and move forward with them. whatever that means.