One Day At A Time

It’s a cliche, I know but that’s how we’ve been operating this week. One piece of information at a time, one more test, one more day. Mom and Burl are still here, they left early this morning for the hospital. We expect the results from the biopsy and other tests back today and that will determine the origin of Tim’s cancer and staging, that will inform the plan of action.

The cancer found in the brain, looks to be melanoma and they are scheduling radiation asap. So, forward motion. One day.

Today however, is a big one. So keep the thoughts and prayers coming won’t ya?

Taryn & Co arrive today. They’ll stay for the day/night. Bring Burl some more clothes and medications and take mom back home tomorrow. Beyond that, we’re just kind of waiting.

I went to the hospital for just a bit on my lunch yesterday and took them food. Tim had just got some better news so was feeling relieved. I’ll go back up this afternoon/evening.

So we are grateful for the good news that radiation begins asap.

We are grateful that MD Anderson will still take a patient who has started radiation elsewhere.

We are grateful for the faces of family around us.

We are grateful for one more day.

It is done.

My dad’s wife passed away about 4:00 am this morning. He had sent us a text yesterday saying they were calling in hospice and that the time was little to none. My sister is going over there this morning, (he lives in far Eastern Oklahoma) and I’m going to make a plan with work and then drive out this afternoon.

I’ve had enough Fucking Cancer for the past few years, thankyouverymuch. Most importantly, those that I love have had enough.

The good thing is I’m good in a crisis. I’ve been here before on some level. I can navigate this.

Send us all some light and strength, if you don’t mind.

 

Lift Us Up

My dad is having his knee replacement surgery today. He had one a handful or so years ago, and the whatever they used to fix it…broke. He’s been in great pain for awhile now, barely walking with the help of a cane. This surgery today, while it is a helluva recovery, will give him back some life. . .

Which he needs.

We found out a few weeks ago that his wife is fighting the Fucking Cancer. Again. The news that we have is that surgery is not an option as it is in multiple places in her body.  Chemo and treatment are the only way to go. We are waiting on the MRI to see if it’s in the brain. It’s a one day at a time game over there.

Each day is a gift.

If you’ve got any extra, send it their way, would you?

 

Taking a Breath.

It’s been a week.

Mark’s brother-in-law lost his fight with Fucking Cancer this week. It was, as it always is, just bullshit from the get go. It’s not really my story to tell here, but as we all know, this kind of thing just sucks.

I’ve been in Norman every night, spending time with family, being together, and that part has been lovely.

Last night, I dreamed crazy. I dreamed about school. I dreamed about being so far behind on writing my thesis. I dreamed about not graduating until the Fall and everything just falling apart. I dreamed about this assignment we have for my Shakespeare class…

I had emailed my professor with questions about this last night and then dreamed that his reply…well his reply was nothing that I could do. It had tons of information, tons of stuff to help me…if I were Chris. I kept looking over the paper, and saw prompts that would make the assignment easier and I kept saying, “But I don’t know that episode of the Simpsons. I didn’t watch the X-Files. Dr. Who has never been on my television. Chris would know this. Chris could do this.”

It was like that all night long.

Cindy’s post today was really on point. “It doesn’t get easier…” It really is a relief, I think. . . to know that. Of course, the interpretation of  “easier” is up for grabs…just depends on your journey.

The closer we get to February, the more I’ve been thinking about him. About Cindy. About that day, about that trip with Amy and how it is still just so raw. I guess I too, have been waiting for it to get easier. This week has just kind of peeled back the scab.

I was thinking this week about Mark’s sister. I was thinking about having lived an entire life with someone…only to have another entire life ahead without them.

I was thinking about my friends who are on this path already…some many steps ahead of the other but walking it, nonetheless.

The list is just way too long.

Today I’m paying bills, reading more homework and heading to class. I didn’t go on Tuesday. My place was in Norman. So I’ve got some catching up to do. A little time in the salon with clients, then load the car, feed the livestock and head back down.

I’ve said for years, “You never have to do this day over again.”

Eventually something shifts and it becomes, “You never get to do this day over again.”

We’re somewhere in the middle this week, and that’s okay.

 

cancer