My girl is having a birthday today, and I for one am eternally grateful she was born. Mama Kizz…HIGH FIVE! This time last year, I was waking up in Chrome’s apartment after a crazy day of travel. I had a party to crash and was soooo excited about it. Her party is tomorrow and there will be pins and bowling balls and cake. Oh she loves some cake!

She is the definition of resiliant and strength. She is the perfect mix of generous and kind and acerbic and insightful. I take notes from her on a daily basis…This year is going to be a big one for her, I can feel it.

Kizz, I love ya sister. I do. There will be a day…porch. frosted flakes. bad tv. margaritas. There WILL be that day…until then it’s YOUR day and I want you to know that I for one, think that you make 41 look gooooooooooooood.

and your gift will be in the mail on Monday. Because as much as I love ya, I still fail miserably on a daily basis!

Bonusmom forwarded a website to me some months ago that I just love. She’s the one that got me the Notes From The Universe…every single morning I sign on and check the email and there they are. Some days, quite prohetic. Some days just a nice little smile to start my day.

It’s cold here today. So cold, that the schools have closed down for fear of frostbite on the walking and school bus kids. Old Man Winter is kicking us right square in the butthole. The Plains aren’t arctic friendly. The temp is actually something like 12, with windchills in the negative area. Tonights temp? 2. TWO. as in the number that comes after ONE. GAHHHH!!!

I was in panic mode last night, the news/weather was in panic mode. THE WEATHER!!!!! My friends were losing power and having the lights flicker off and on. I was afraid of what I didn’t know. Of what was coming.

I was afraid of what I didn’t know. Of what was coming.

Turns out, as much as I preach about change, and fresh starts, and leaping into life…I’m afraid of what I don’t know. Of what is or isn’t coming.

This morning, I got up and put on my fuzzy wuzzy robe, (I don’t go in until 11 because of no appointments) fed the livestock, brewed the coffee, fired up the machine and this was waiting for me:

I understand, Zelda, that you must wonder, sometimes to the point of bewilderment, at what you’re truly capable of doing. Yet, therein lies the “problem,” because living the life of your dreams is far more about what I’m capable of doing. Zelda, all I need from you is a vision, followed by an unending march of little, tiny baby steps in its direction.
Surrender –
The Universe

It’s a great day to be alive.

Soooo Here’s my list. Perhaps I shall add to it as the months go by…

1) write. I want to finish a writing project and perhaps look into publishing.
2) get back onstage more than once.
3) work on stand up comedy again.
4) change my eating habits towards more organic and clean living.
5) find out about more farmers markets/locally grown foods to purchase.
6) move my body either at the gym or in some other physical fitness fashion.
7) work on finances…savings, nipping and cutting back.
8) pay off computer debt.
9) work on replacing windows at the homestead.
10) get my car in for some updates and tuning.
11) check into getting new tires for the car.
12) get to the eye doctor.
13) get to the dentist, REGULARLY!
14) Organization in my house…drawers, closets, kitchen cabinets, all of it.
15) get my birth certificate so that I can
16) get my passport.
17) play the lottery, (cant win if ya dont play!)
18) work on paying off credit card debt. perhaps a consolidation loan?
19) plan something smashing to celebrate turning 40!
20) have a date with a man.
21) perhaps more than one.
22) see more live theatre.
23) re-build my clientele at work.
24) think about other avenues of income.
25) think about where I want to be in the next five years.
26) work on some form of healthcare for myself
27) read through the books we’ve all got tagged over at goodreads
28) remember that THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS…THINK GOOD THOUGHTS.
29) wear my mouthguard nightly
30) love louder, larger, longer.
31) take some mini vaca’s with friends this summer
32) attend BlogHer in NYC with Cindy
33) go to eat at the Guatamalen place with the oatmeal
34) go to Whole Foods in Tx and bring back FROAST
35) see my nephews more often
36) go snow tubeing at the ballpark next December
37) rearrange my office/library so that it is organized and does not give me hives
38) all cats to the vet
39) plant some things this spring…herbs, veggies, flowers
40) look into a retirement account
41) get the instructions off of Ebay for my bow maker
42) be a better friend at remembering birthdays
43) watch the ENTIRE series of Battlestar Galactica so that I may earn the right to say Frack
44) decorate for the holidays
45) take down shelves in garage and re-organize
46) Raise the roof on a new Gazebo
47) learn how to use this computer to it’s fullest
48) SKYPE with my friends who live away from me
49) work on the all-class-reunion in Batshitcrazytown
50) donate more
51) watch Entourage series
52) finish Outlander series
53) think about eHarmony
54) deep clean the house
55) watch vidal sassoon dvd’s and refresh my skills
56) focus on the positive
57) get drapes for my bedroom
58) clean filter in my a/c-heater
59) take a risk a month? (every other month? every week?)
60) read more blogs
61) revamp this blog
62) participate in NaNoWriMo this year (SHIT!!!)
63) work on my personal style…polish that up a bit
64) begin my day with prayer/meditation
65) see some live music this summer
66) play bracketology during March Madness
67) celebrate owning my home for two years on March 17th
68) forgive
69) forgive
70) forgive
71) see Flaming Lips on NYE
72) eat at 105 degrees
73) visit Dion in Chicago
74) visit Carus in Vegas
75) host more parties
76) go see the new Sex and the City movie at midnight opening
77) keep healthy foods in my house
78) frame the family photos we took two years ago
79) clean out the little building
80) attend the Halloween Parade and host Smores & Whores 3
81) go to a local fish market and eat fresh fish
82) be a better family member
83) keep my feet in good shape
84) drink the water
85) add to this list

So I was thinking, over this long(ish) break, of the past year. Reflecting, contemplating, taking stock as we all do…and because this is the year that I turn 40, I’m also full of thoughts about this year, my life, the future.

I’m not quite ready to do my list, and because I was so sad to not have one to reflect on this past year, I AM going to do one, but instead of taking the time to really do it well now I’m actually going to get up and move my body a bit and take care of some closet organizing issues.

that’s a preemptive CHECK on the list of 2010!

are you doing a list? if you are, I want to see it.

I’m up. I’m going. I’m moving. I’m getting coffee first, THEN I’m doing it!!! Pandora, give me some cleaning music please!

Twas a loooooooong night of working at the wedding, was tired with a capital T when I got home…but today has been delightful. I hosted a wee open house with a few snacks including some black eye peas for luck! Lots of laughter and talking and cajoling and enjoying. A perfect way to begin the year…surrounded by friends.

I hope yours started out just as spectacular!

I smooth out stole this from Kizz. God bless her for her answer to #12…and looking over it, she’s featured in many of MY answers! HA!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?


Did stand up comedy. Planned my 20th High School Reunion.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


I looked for my list for 2009…turns out I dinna make one. Huh. So I’m going with YES! I kept them ALL!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes! Miss Radley Banks Miller came to see us a mere few weeks ago! She’s perfect and she belongs to two of my newest friends, Ali and Matt.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Kizzy’s pretty girl, Emily is first on my list, my friend Darci lost her daddy.

5. What countries did you visit?

Landlocked. I did travel to NYC for Kizz’s birthday party, and to Chicago/Wisconsin for our theatre reunion.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Financial security. A Passport. A healthy relationship with the opposite sex.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 3rd was my stand up night…Oh what a night!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Ya know, coming to the end of this one, I’m feeling a little meh. But on a whole, I think I really took some risks this year. I got back onstage in a show after 6 years. I did stand up. I planned/worked the reunion. I entered into a relationship, be it short lived and based in lies…still…a relationship. I moved up a level at work, and really embraced being a homeowner.

9. What was your biggest failure?

falling into the emotional eating vacuum that always swallows me whole and putting some weight back on. I always feel like such a failure, to my core, when this happens.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nah. I got a cold/flu funk for about 4 days last month, but for the most part, fine and dandy!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

The best thing I bought, (with the help of my guardian angel in fort worth) is my new computer! My shiny shiny. My link to you.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Gert took a huge risk in going to chef school in Texas…Leaping. I applaud her chutzpah.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Mr.Everything-I’ve-said-and-done-has-been-a-lie…seriously.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills. Bills. Bills…and I think, even though I wasn’t very social, didn’t spend tons traveling, I could have saved more. Cut back on things earlier.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?


My trip to Kizz’s birthday. My trip to Chicago/Wisconsin. Doing stand-up.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?


I’ve listened to A LOT of Taylor Swift this year. A Lot!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?


a. I think a little sadder.

b. Little fatter. Thinking about how I want to handle that.

c. Definitely poorer. This is probably the cause of a.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Saved money.
Traveled more.
Been more focused on organization and goals.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

sad clown moods, holding on to anger, wishing the days away.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With family in Arkansas…a White Christmas!

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

I think I fell in love with the concept and idea of love again. I got hurt a few times last year, but I finally took the blinders off and see each experience for what it was. A step forward.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Modern Family! Glee! How I Met Your Mother! Big Bang Theory! Californication! Dexter! True Blood!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I really don’t. Too much effort.

24. What was the best book you read?

wow…this has been one helluva reading year. I am still massively in love with Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim…and I’m ass deep in the Outlander series.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Glee!!!

26. What did you want and get?

Insulation for my house…a second job.

27. What did you want and not get?

Financial security>

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

well, I’m sadly lacking in film watching this year. I’m going to correct that this weekend, so we shall see!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I celebrated my birthday the weekend before with my friends from the Saginaw Tour Years. I had two birthday cakes, some Rock Band and a lot of laughter. My actual birthday was an impromptu gathering at Classics with friends and some gin & tonic and karaoke! I turned 39.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I hadn’t lost most of my clientele.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Brighter colors. Old Navy.

32. What kept you sane?


Wow. I think I was saner earlier in the year, not so much now. The Gazebo. We had Gazebo Nights every week…an open forum. a sanctuary. Those really kept me sane. It’s ironic that the gazebo is in ruins under the snow storm at this very moment.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?


Carrie said it best…”ahhhh Goerge Clooney. Clooney’s like a Channel suit. Never goes out of style.”

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Health Care.
Health Care.
Health Care.

35. Who did you miss?

I miss Kizz and Chrome and Dionysis and Abbylicious and The Vegan. I miss Gert. I miss the Purple Pool gals…haven’t seen much of them. I miss my family living here.

36. Who was the best new person you met?


I know I met a ton of people this year…I seem to always do that. I met Nan. Kizz’s Nan and took her Chinatown shopping and she knitted me socks. She was brilliant and fabulous. I met Kizz’s momma. TUCK TUCK TUCK. That woman made me pee myself. I met Miss Shirley and Alli and MattMiller, who seem like they’ve been part of my life forever.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

I’ve learned that taking risks is a scary ass thing to do but the payoff is amazing.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

well, I’m stealing again from Kizz. I sung this song in a show I did years ago with Dionysis. It’s always been my theme…

and from the incomparable Kander & Ebb there’s a snippet from Cabaret’s Maybe This Time:

All the odds are in my favor
Something’s bound to begin
It’s got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I’ll win

One last shot today to make your mark in 2009. Whatcha gonna do?

I’m going to do a little hair. I have about 3 appointments thus far today. I’m going to leave and hit the liquor store for some champagne for mimosas tomorrow morning. I’m going to the grocery for brunch fixins and black eyed pea salsa fixins. COFFEE! I need coffee! Then I’m coming home to settle for a bit change clothes then head to Batshitcrazytown and bartend at a wedding reception.

The hours are 9-1 so I’ll get there about an hour or so before hand. There will be two of us working the event, and hopefully we’ll walk away with some $$$ to start out the year with!

I looked back for my 109 in 2009 list. Huh. I found 107 in ’07, 108 in ’08 and apparently I didn’t give a shit in 2009. About accomplishing anything. So…this weekend you will get a few lists, we’ll have a look back, and of course we’ll look ahead.

As we come to a close in yet another year here at the Circus, let me just thank you. Thank you for reading here. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for your support and the profound sense of community. May your New Years Eve be what you want it to be. Big and flashy and sparkly, or quiet and intimate…whatever the case may be…always remember you’re not alone. We go into this new decade, this new year, this new day…we go together.

Well, my plumber came out just now to unclog the sewer line.

Turns out the shitter wasn’t just full…it was BROKEN.

This cost a metric shit ton to fix.

A shit load of crap to deal with.

However, we’ve got it colon cleansed for now. And for now, that’s all we need.

My friend that started me on this Outlander series just posted something over on my FB page about how she’s on book eleventy-umpteen, that it’s like crack that takes a reaaaaaaaaaaly long time to smoke.

Crock Pot Crack is what I think it is.

I too am on book well, four. not eleventy upmpteen, but with over a thousand pages the last few books it does FEEL like that.

Kizz read the first one and gave just a great commentary over at 117Hudson. She also talked about another series which now I Have (capital H) to pick up and read.

I’m enjoying these books, sometimes I skim because for craps sake woman, LAND THE PLANE already! But it’s good. I haven’t had a big thick series to sink into in awhile. The thing is I have a ton of other stuff to get through AND lines to start learning soon! I need to get finished with this fourth book and hold off on the others for awhile. If I can do it.

I’m also beginning a writing project with a friend of mine, Pink. She’s actually the best friend of PseudoSis3, who I have come to love in my own life. About a year ago, one of the Sister’s made the statement that Pink and Zelda TOTALLY needed to write a book or a blog together. I’ve never read anything that Pink has written. I know she wants to write, that she began NaNoWriMo this year. I don’t think she reads here. But again, at Christmas this year, another Sister said the same thing. It’s as if the Universe is screaming in our faces, in a nice sisterly way. So. We’re going to do it. Pink has a few other women who she’s asked to join the project, so not only do I get to get the creative poncho out from the back of the closet with the fat clothes and wear it again, I get to meet two new writers!!! Life is good and I shall keep you posted! Since we all live in different places, states even, let me just say once again, God Bless the Internet and God Bless Facebook.

In homestead news, I freakin love this little spaceheater what I got for Christmas. I’m keeping the heat down, and the house is still warm! The new insulation is helping, I can totally tell. There’s nasty snow on the ground out there and it’s NOT freezing in here…But.

You know there’s a but…nothing goes that smoothly for that long.

Monday I was doing laundry and the floor drain started bubbling up. Gurgling and flooding. Gah. I poured boiling water down the drain per Joe’s suggestion thinking it may have frozen up during the storm. Nope. Still with the flooding when I ran the washing maching. Then yesteray morning when I flushed the toity, the strange and gurgling noises that came from beneath my bathtub sent me RIGHT to the phone to call my friend who is a plumber. He said it’s probably a sewage backup. And perhaps it’s something going on with the street/city due to the storm, but he’s going to come check this week. I’m not in any danger, and have sufficient clean clothes until then so I don’t have to use it…when flushing last night and today no gurgling so…fingers crossed. GAH!

Work was nice and busy yesterday. I’m not booked but am getting call-ins and some new clients. I’ve looked at the books in Jan, and am working to fight the dismal feeling about them. Staying rooted in the positive and the hopeful.

I need to run to the grocery store this morning OR this evening, black eyed peas for the salsa on Friday…but man. It’s gonna be difficult to get off this couch!

Happy Wednesday!

Most people dread/loathe/are ambivalent about this time of year. I for one love it. I love New Years Eve. I don’t have to have a sparkly dress and fancy schmancy plans, in fact this year I’m not even hanging out with friends as I’ll be bartending someone else’s wedding reception. I just love the fresh start. Everyone starting out at the same pace, everyone with a clean slate. I know I type these words year after year, but I seriously LOVE IT!

Christmas is such a time of big big emotion. For everyone, there’s something mixed in, be it stress, or money, or travel issues, or family, or some type of dysfunction, or just too little time with those we love. It’s just a lot.

These few days between then and NYE…we can take a breath. We can count our blessings. We can look back over the last 12 months and see what a blessing this life of ours is, the peaks and the valleys, the choices that we’ve made, and those we’ve yet to make. This week, above any of the year is a slower time to take stock. And make choices for the new year.

The economy is kicking us all in the butthole. I don’t know anyone who isn’t feeling it. The new year brings us hope and promise. We have graduations upon us, weddings of our kids, opening nights, birthdays of mild importance…it’s coming!

We’ve got two more days, kids. Two more days to take stock, check off the list, breathe in and out and enjoy this year. It’s not over yet!

When suddenly the unexpected happens, Zelda, it’s always me… just getting everything ready for the time of your life.

Love you, mean it –
The Universe