Way back on Friday I worked half a day and went to the airport to begin Operation Surprise The Hell Outta Kizz. This seems like a relatively normal thing to do, get up, go to work, drive to the airport, park, take the giddy up to the check in and get thru security.

Once I get thru security, then I breathe easy. Up until then, I am a little jittery. Too many variables. Flat tire. Forgotten luggage. bla bla bla. But once I get in, I’m fine. And yes, I am usually early. Pretty ridiculously early but it’s my time and I am by myself so who the hell cares, right? I’ve got reading material. I am good as gold.

So I get to the airport around noon thirty. My flight leaves at 2:30. It’s not busy, so I get right thru the counter and security, making chit chat with all of them, and find a seat and begin to read. Oh first I get a Sonic tea and then sat down and began to read and text with friends.

The Redhead is flying from Miami this same afternoon. So he texts and we are both in the airport. He’s waiting for baggage, I’m waiting for time to board. During the texting, someone comes across the intercom and announces ” Waka Waka waka blarg blarggidy flagh to Atlanta has been delayed two hours.” None of us hear the beginning of the announcement, and begin to walk around like rats in a maze with our little pully bags trailing behind us. flickity flickity flickity flickity. A Delta person comes out finally and confirms that yes. We are delayed. The next flight out is at 4. We have another two hours to hang out. I’m fine. This is all fine. My connecting flight has been rescheduled, I text Chrome that it’s gonna be around 10 pm now, fine. Done. I go in search of the redhead to kill some time.

He in all of his hungover glory (was at the OU game previous night dirty dancing with our friends Gin&Tonic)is at the Northwest counter in search of his Blue 22. (that’s the technical term for his missing bag) The blue22 was in the belly of the 420 and now it’s turned up missing. (we found out today that it rode home with the OU team.) But whatever, we hang out, laugh a little and kill some time. He then stumbles his pale face out into the wild blue and I head thru security once again.

This time, Larry, Moe and Dumbshit are behind the x-ray machine. (OH for Clemo to have been at my airport) and mind you, I”ve already cleared security so I’m wondering what the holdup is on my carry on. Behind the x-ray television, I hear Moe mutter “Is that a golash?” (i have rain/snow boots in the flickity flick) I chime in, “uhh, actually it is a pair of leopard print golashes. a pair. plural. not just ah golash, I will have you know.” And we’re laughing and funny ha ha and Curly speaks up and says, “well. is that a tiara inside the golash?”
“yes. yes it is. I don’t leave home without it. You see, I look normal…”

it was here that I shut up. Possibly not funny to joke about looking normal at the security checkpoint. Just shut up and motor on. and I do.

My lips feel chapped from all the stupid smiling I’ve done thus far today so I hit the bathroom and put my backpack on the counter/vanity thingy and begin to unload the scarf and coat that I will wear soon enough in this journey in order to find some lip stuff. Well upon unloading the stuff, my pack gets wobbly and falls into the sink activating the auto water faucet and filling itself up with water. I yelp and pull the books out and yelp some more and look around for the freakin cameras. Oh well. it was kind of funny. Lips applied and I look at the time and Hey! I’ve been here long enough that it’s happy hour at Sonic! (half price fountain drinks from 2-4 for the non local readers) So flickity flickity flickity flick, I make my way down and order a Rt 44 ice tea.

we don’t have happy hour at the airport.

You’re damned right you don’t. and look where it’s gettin ya. gah. I just order a water with lemon and lime. I mean shit. I’ve already been here long enough to spend ten dollars. Good God. I could have worked a few more hours!

Ok. so whatever. Go sit and read. Well first of all. Anyone traveling needs to take this man with them. I was reading this and GUFFAWing out loud about every other paragraph. My phone was Chinese ringing from texts with Mgirl and I notice that the guy sitting across the say from me was giving me the skunk eye. I felt kind of bad until I saw that he was reading that nut job Ann Coulter’s book. Then I laughed louder and wished like hell I had worn my Obama shirt. (in actuality, I ran out of work wearing our Botox ad shirts and was wearing that instead. yeah. cuz this is the face of Botox.)

FINALLY we board!!! And it’s a little plane. We go outside on the ground and walk up the stairs. Whatever I’m just glad to be going. The flight is uneventful other than the fact that I am cackling like Macbeth’s witches at the book. GO. READ. NOW. But the girl in front of me is yaking on the phone. I swear to GOD, ya’ll, she’s is one of the real housewives of Atlanta. Bravo hasn’t seen anything like this. She’s smackin her gum and talking in her best outside Atlanta voice, “Ass. Ass he is my homey. Sho nuff. He’s my homey. He’s my homey” she said it so many times the whole fucking plane knew that ass, (yes) ass he was her homey. Thanks to FAA regulations, she had to “shut this shit down and will call you when I get to Atlanta”

God Bless the F.A.A.

Atlanta! At last! and everyone on the plane is freaking out about missing their connections and I know mine is safe and I get my gate and pick up my flickity flick and off I go.

WOAH! Things have changed. We’re at a different gate. Ok. Fine. I find it and well well well. We are boarding! Fuck around. I wanted to grab something to eat but ok whatever. Let’s get this ball into the game and giddyup. So we all get in a single file line, and gather our appropriately tagged carry on’s and off we go.

Flickity flickity flickity flickity clomp clomp clomp itsfuckingcold flickity flickity flickity clomp clomp ireallywantsomegin.

WOAH again! There’s a dude turning us all around and telling us that maintinence is on board and we have to turn around and head back. The crazy women that are in front of me start spitting nails. With NY accents! AWESOME! So we get back in, grumble into a seat and wait. We get the announcement that there is in fact maintinence being done on our plane and we’ve been delayed thirty minutes. I text Chrome and we push back the pick up yet again.

Well kids, I would love to tell you that thirty minutes was all it was…but you know better than that. Every fifteen minutes the time would be pushed back. Not enough time to go find some real food, no not at all. But every fifteen minutes. I sent a text to Gert saying, “Stupid Atlanta.Now I know why they burnt this motherfucker.”

Finally I said to this woman who I’d made friends with, I said, “I’m going next door to put my beak in some gin. If we board, you just let out a scream and I’ll be right there.”

Ahh. I had myself a drink. watched a little of the Celtics game and was still feeling ok about the delay, just getting a little tired. Worn out. And by now, the tribe is restless and about ready for blood. As I’m on the phone with Chrome, the guy comes over the intercom and says “well folks, it looks like the plane needed a new battery. Turns out they put the wrong battery in and had to take it out and put in the new battery but as I was walking in I did hear the engine start so that’s a good sign! We may begin boarding soon!”

HALAKALEEM!!! We have an engine that runs! Signs of intelligent life!

We did board and the poor flight attendent was having her ass eaten out in small bits by everyone that got on.

How long is the flight? When will we land? Bla Bla Bla Fuckity Flarn Frack. I just smiled at her and said, “honey. We’re prolly gonna need some drinks!” She laughed and agreed. it’s a full flight, another little plane though. I however am in the second row. So close to the front, and knowing I’ll be one of the first people off the plane makes me happy. The girl sitting next to me gets her seat belt on and immediately closes her eyes and begins to sleep. I’m just kind of wired. so just sitting. There are two ladies across the aisle from me who are chattin it up. We also have three babies and two children on the plane.

Gah. This could really get nasty, I’m thinking, all the kids and the babies and the noise and WHAT THE FUCK THE CHICK SITTIN NEXT TO ME HAS HER HEAD IN A LAYS POTATO CHIP BAG AND IS PUKING UP HER GUTS!!!

really?
REALLY????

And kids for some reason I went into survivor mode. I was all tap tap tap I need your puke sack. hand it over. yours, and yours, and i will have yours too. Lady in uniform, I need some water, and more bags and wet naps and I need it now. I turn on the air, and put some wet cloth on her neck and wipe the bits off her face. We’re gonna just go with the fact that it’s chip residue from the bag. That’s what we’re going with. I grab my vitamin water from my back pack and shove it in her face for her to sip or gargle with I dont really care. We get new materials and trade out the soiled bags and rags. Finally FINALLY we have leveled off enough for the lady to get her some sprite and she heads to the bathroom. I’m sani-wiping myself down with such a force that I should be re-virginized I’m so clean. I walk up to Cherie. Our flight attendent and say, “honey. I’m gonna need that gin now. All of it. Don’t sell any to anyone else.”

Well bless her heart she only has two baby bottles left and I lay claim to both of them. She just leaves the can of tonic with me too! The ladies across the way are clucking and cooing about my helping Ms. Pukey Pants and one tells me “if I had some paper and scissors, I’d make you a medal!”

well. that’s nice. ok.

she then asks where I’m from and I say Oklahoma City. She then looks me dead in the eye and asks,

is that in Kansas?

yes.
yes it is.

no, actually it’s the capital of the state of Oklahoma.

Like the musical?

yep.

cept we have more meth and less singing.

are you fucking kidding me with this??? SERIOUSLY WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS?????

I drink my gin. I tip the girl. She comes back by and slips something in my hand, a folded up napkin that contained my money and a note that said

the second one is on the house.

and we landed. and Chrome met me with a peanut butter sandwich and sun chips and a pepsi. and we drove to her apartment and laughed and laughed and laughed. and knew that when I woke up I would see snow. I would see Kizz and I would be happy.

but that fuckin day…man it tried to eat me.

ass. ass it did.

Yeah.
This list isn’t happening this morning.
I’m tired.
I’m gulping coffee.
I’m loving cats and figuring out where my clothes for today are.
I’m running late getting into the shower, yet here I am typing to you.

I promise you these posts.

Travel Day that Almost Ate Me.
SURPRISE!
Sunday Funday.
Home Sweet Home.

Four. I may roll a few into one, but you’re getting the whole weekend. I’ve been running over details so as not to forget them. Travel Day is in itself, one humdinger of a day!.

I’m back at working, making the money hopefully. Cross fingers. Then tonight, home to put my house back together and unpack and sit with cats on my lap and write to you!

Happy Happy Day!

Sooooo.
Yeah, I’m not in Tulsa this weekend.
I’m in New York City. Right this minute, Astoria Queens. In about an hour, Brooklyn. Brunching in Brooklyn.

This trip has been chock full of ridiculous….surprised by that? anyone? anyone? And I promise to get each detail down here, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. I promise.

I will post pictures too. THAT I promise as well.

Aaron and family, Seth and AbbyNormal, Chrome, Kizz, moi and a host of other grand beings rocked it out last night for her party. Kizz was as surpirsed as anyone could possibly be. When planning said surprise, I totally forgot about one tiny detail.

Ya’ll know my story about why I can’t play hide and go seek, or go to haunted houses? the minute I’m hidden, pee. pee pee pee my pants. Well, the same goes for when one is hiding in the starwell about to surprise her soul sister at her 40th birthday party. I forgot about that.

No, I didn’t pee my pants, but damned sure almost did!

with that tidbit, I’m out to brunch. Brunching in NY on a Sunday. OH and it’s effing cold here. Lot’s of snow yesterday which was gorgeous and cold. Today, it’s frozen and cold. Beautiful!

Muah!

After the banking debacle that was my morning, I got to work and got “operation wire transfer payback” activated. Should arrive in the account tomorrow. Halla! So I had a pretty good day. Workwise, foodwise. It’s all been steady and good this week. Tomorrow is funky I have two or three appointments and they are all over by one. I work until 7. So I’ll stay open and if I don’t get anything I’ll cut out early and watch the OU game at the bar with MGirl. If we got anywhere else, I’ll spend money. At the bar, I can drink free diet coke all night long and that’ll be great.

so what else? No meetings or weigh ins this week. Think I touched on that this morning. Started exchanging daily journals with Chrome again though. Accountablilty. Gah. it’s a bitch.

Over at HysteriaLane, things are JUMPIN! If you haven’t visited in awhile, go on over. The girl’s got big dreams (cue Debbie Allen and theme to FAME) and big big plans in motion. She deserves an Atta Girl! Lawd, but she deserves one.

I guess I’m boring tonight. The redhed is disenchanted with South Beach. Joe is gettin sick so I am going to drive him over a big bunch of veggie soup that I am munching on.

Ok, I guess I really had nothing to report. It was a good day. I hope yours was too.

Remember how much I love George? Well. It’s been awhile. I thought I’d remind ya. Here’s a drink to you. all that stuff at the top? it says Geroge Loves Zelda.

Lord but I’ve been ass deep in panic this morning. What you say? But Zelda! It’s only 9:30 in the morning! What could possibly—

MONEY!. BANKS!. SUCK!.

Our precious little Kikimama cost me more money than I had available. But knowing I had a little time between the mortgage hitting and those debits, I was going to transfer out of my money market account. Oh well. That transfer takes ten days miss. FUCK. So then I remember I have an ATM for that account which I have never used. PIN number anyone? oh hell no. So I go dig thru piles of paper and VOILA! I find it. Drive to the bank, attempt the retrieval. NOPE. Wrong number. So I just pull over into the parking lot and call them up for the ohhhhh fourth time this morning. Well, the PIN number I have is not for the card. it’s for the account itself. Fuck. Around. “I will be glad to send you a reminder in the mail. it’ll be there in a week.”

riiiiiiiight.

So my other option is to do a wire transfer. I will have to download paper and print it off. None of which I can do at home so will do it at work. Then fill out said paper and fax it to the bank and get my money tomorrow.

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!

Mom however, came to the rescue. She’s wire transfering me the $ today, and I’m going to wire it directly to her account hitting tomorrow. Thank GOD. Just wears me smooth fucking out this money shit.

I wasn’t going to do a list this year. But clearly, I need focus on things to focus on. That being at the top. I must MUST get organized within my finances and bills and the way I operate within all of that. Files. Paper in proper places. Reciepts in something other than EVERYWHERE. Get taxes done…

speaking of. Gert alerted me to this new homeowners tax credit of up to $7500.00 that I am qualified for. Thing is, the payback is what scares me. After two years, the government starts taking it out of your refund 500 bucks at a time. Well. What if I have to pay??? Gah. I’m looking for a good tax person/accountant to help me with this big tax thing this year. The new house, the reciepts, I’ve made more money than previous years so I believe I can itimize or some such…I’m ready to tackle that. next week.

I was going to weigh in this week, back to program however I have appointments. I could have gone to weigh and leave today, but I want to stay and listen to what’s new this year with the whole Momentum Program thingy. Alas. next week. My eating was pretty good yesterday, though! I haven’t completely shut down due to ingesting vegetables!

The redhead is in South Beach. His hotel room is bigger than the Blue Banana! The shower itself sounds like Mecca. I told him to take pictures. Beachfront….ahhhhh. Here’s hoping everyone can escape to the beach a little today. have a little mental vaca. I’ll bring you a frothy drink with an umbrella in it!

Huzzuah and Halakaleem and Thanks MOM for saving my ass. Big as it is, once again.

Ok. Back to work. Holidays are over, days off have been taken. The house is back to it’s mediocre state of grace, the cats are fed and medicated. And by medicated, let me just say that we got all but about ohh two drops down her throat until she gagged and shook her head so fierce that she may be now suffering from shaken baby syndrome. She jumped down from the counter (just as our mouse friend ran across the floor between TWO CATS) and looked at me like “fucking stick that thing down my throat again bitch, and I’m letting all the mice in the house!”

so. we’ll work on that.

So far, I can’t seem to convince them that the cat bubbler is better than the faucet. We’ll work on that too.

Is everyone just heartbroken about Jett Travolta? As per usual with celebrity stories like this, the media is just digging for stuff to talk about. I feel badly about that. I think that the family just needs to hide and heal. I don’t want to hear from some doctor speculating about if he was or was not on seizure meds, why he had two caregivers. I don’t care to hear from the minister of health of the Bahamas. I just don’t. He’s gone. That family is broken. Like any family is broken when they lose someone. Gah. Nothing good about it.

Kathy!!! I haven’t talked to you in forever, and have lost your email! Call me this week or email me and let’s catch up. I will keep you posted about the refinancing!

So, I was watching my boyfriend Anthony Bourdain on his premiere last night and just kept thinking about Gert. Dressedin kitchen whites. Chopping, mopping, cursing, slicing, learning all of it from the best of the best. Honey, I want you to know, I have never been more scared in my entire life of anything I ever did, than to get on that plane and fly away from all I knew to be right and true, and land in Indiana. Talking to you in the backyard on the wireless phone (no cells back then!) pacing back and forth, thinking “what am I doing? I should be married, baking cupcakes and thinking about having babies. and I am here where I know NO ONE.” Bone deep scared. But look at who I got! I got the LeapFrog and his lovely wife! I got Clemo and Kizz and Dion! Chrome and I turned a state-line-crossing drive into a weekend event and then drove across the world together to find werid bbq, listen to the same cd a million times over and get the best stories ever!

So. I know you are scared. Of the unknown. Of it falling through. Of leaping. Of staying. I know you are. But I know that you are more than the lump sum that is here and now. I know you are more. We all do. We all are here, hands high, lifting you above the crowd to surf a bit. Just leap. Just jump. It’s going to be ok!

I read another script last night. Henry Flamthrowa. This is one for consideration for the season. I liked it. It read fast. It was surprising. I don’t know if I’d want to see it. But I liked it. Will let it marinate today a while and see if I feel different. Anyone know it?

Okiedokie. I gotta get some more coffee and think about getting into the shower. Brilliant day everyone! Huzzuah and Halakaleem!

So, we went to the vet today. Nice nice place, kind people. They had to keep her for a few hours to get a tinkle sample and when he called me back he said, “Oh yes. she’s got a whopper of an infection.” Pretty horrible bladder infection. There are all kinds of bad things, rods were mentioned, gah. The other kids cannot catch it, and it’s actually not as bad in females. No blockage or anything. He said the diet is fine, I don’t have to switch it up. I have some liquid antibiotics major strength to start her on twice a day tomorrow. She was pretty dehydrated too. They gave her fluids and meds there.

I went to buy an auto waterer with filter and stuff for them to drink out of. No more faucets or toilet drinking. thus far, no one likes drinking out of it.

I feel horrible about her. Hopefully she’ll perk up soon.

I’ve spent 180 bucks total on her today. Please pray for lots of clients this week!!! I have to find my account info and transfer some money out of my money market account tonight. BUT good news, I talked to a guy about refinancing my house today. I should know something by Wednesday. I have an interest rate of 6.875% and they are in the low 5’s now so come on come on!!!!! Cross fingers for that, too.

What else? I went to the grocery store and stocked up on foodstuffs. They had my Lean Cuisines for 1.50!!! I know!!! they aren’t out of date either! so that’s good. Got stuff for veggie stew, which made tons. I’ll eat that and freeze it too. Got stuff to make salads for the week. And some fruits too! Program here I come!!! I dread that first meeting back on Thursday. Gah. Do I HAVE to go weigh in???? It’s gonna suck. But I’m going. I’m going. There’s a new thing they are doing with program and I need to get brushed up on it.

I’m inspired as par for the course at the beginning of the year, but this year I’m inspired by my friends and the people in my life DOING THINGS!!! Gert has something on the fire that is going to just be amazing. AH-MAZE-ING. Joe has been living the movie dream and continues to follow his heart. I know times between movies are lean ones, but we’ve got each other and we’re still here! Kizz is planning a fabulous party for herself this coming weekend. I’m so jealous of everybody who will be there. the Redhead is off to Miami with his boss. Catching the Championship Game on Thursday, catching some rays in the meantime. NICE!!!

so anyways, I’m feelin good this year. Things are going well for my tribe. My family is great. Wonderboy hit a personal milestone in his life this week by going down front at church and accepting Christ as his savior. Wonderbaby is pulling up and putzing around the house and has finally gotten his two front teeth in. (the same ones Wonderboy is missing!) The cat’s on the mend. Life is good.

Can I say I made a damn good dinner tonight too. Roasted carrots, brussel sprouts, yellow bell pepper and potato. YUM-OH!

stayed up late last night, reading scripts I got from play committee meeting, and then slept late this morning! Ahhhhh. I love it. I would have probably still be in the bed had the phone not rang.rung.rang.rung. whatever. It was the lady at my city office returning my call. there is a temporary hold on the recycling program here in my Village. No one will buy it. China buys most of our (I’m assuming the USA…not The Village) recycleables and they dont want ANY right now. SO. Not only do I have my personal stash, but the salon’s as well. GAH. She did say that they will be bins arriving midmonth, and we’ll have to seperate our recycle…right now it all goes in the same bin, sans glass.

So. I did what any normal girl would do, I got off the phone made coffee and had a healthy breakfast! Back on program this week ya’ll! And am ignoring the recycle problem for the morning.

So I read the two scripts that are for the upcoming Carpenter Square auditions. Well, there are three shows, but I’d read one already. The Clean House by Sarah Rule was good. Some funny stuff there. But my favorite, FAVORITE is The Little Dog Laughed by Douglas Carter Beane. Now, that man can write a play and can write a part for a woman that just knocks it outta the park. So…for the first time in a very long time I want a role. WANT a role. THAT ROLE. The other two shows, yes. I want to be onstage. I want to work with these people. These shows are great. and I would take anything in either one of them…but THIS ROLE…cue angels singing…lawd lawd lawd.

Anyways, I have four more scripts to read for the committee. We have narrowed it down to a list of about twenty five and are going from there. We have to get the season set within the next…oh I’d say…month or so. I think we have some really strong contenders, we are still lacking a holiday show and the student matinee…any thoughts on a script for either of those?

What’s your day look like? Back to work for most folk. I’m taking Kikimama to the doc, hitting the grocery store for some healthy program foods, home to make some vegetable soup for the week and probably to do some laundry. it’s back to work tomorrow, the OU game on Thursday, a birthday party friday night for one of the comedy boys, then Mgirl and I are heading to Tulsa town on Saturday to hang with her parents for the weekend.

ok kids, that’s all I got for now. Kikimama has successfully planted herself in my lap between my body and the computer on my knees, pushed back as far as possible. I’m going to sip some more coffee, call the vet and get us in to see him. pray that it’s not a huge gigantic something awful. I’ll keep ya posted.

So I’m telling the Kikimama story at work and the girl I sit next to said to me, “that means something is wrong. my cat started doing that and we took him in and his bladder was crystalized.”

fuck.
around.

SO I called my vet I used when living on the Frontier. Yes. it could very well be a urinairy tract infection. BUT it could be because I moved her litter box when we moved the futon into the office. Gah. I asked for a referral for a vet here in OKC and they referred me to one right down the street from mi casa. So this is good. We’re taking a field trip on Monday. Hopefully it’s all fine. No crystals. No bad joo joo. Just a neurotic cat.