T.N.B.T. angst part one.

The Next Big Thing.

Yep. Gert you hit it on the head. I told Joe on Sunday over a cold beer….I’m BOOOOOOOOOOOORED. With life. With everything. With all of every single tiny teensy eeensy weensey bit of all of it. BORED.

He seemed a little taken aback and pointed out what my life has held the last two years.

Left a long standing horribly destructive relationship
Moved without a cent to your name, to the Frontier. Blessed be the Frontier. Blessed be the Bonusmom.
Played a lot.
Bought a house.
Moved into a house.
Paid for a house for a year.
Did a show.
Crushed pretty hard on a boy for about a year.
Finally blessed that and let it go.
Dabbled in the pizza business. (pizza is a euphimisim. just leave it at that)
Got out of the pizza business.
Made a bunch of new friends.
Reconnected with old ones.
Got back onstage.

so how the hell can I be bored with my life?

Yes. I know I need to be writing. I have had more than fifty people, random and disconnected people tell me I should be doing stand up. writing and stand up. scare the shit out of me, the thought after that thought? makes me vomit. so maybe I need to do what scares me the most. maybe.

scuse me whilst I puke.

k. back now.

but yes. T.N.B.T.
I’m waiting. I need it. I am CRAVING something. and for a long while I thought it was a relationship. and fuck. maybe it is. I doubt it. I really doubt it. I think it’s something else…a relationship with something/someone else…and I can’t see who or what it is.

but I’m antsy.

what the hell am I waiting for????

—to be continued. no doubt about that.

5 thoughts on “T.N.B.T. angst part one.

  1. We all get bored with life now and again…Reread Rick Warren's Purpose for Life or whatever it was called…when I get to wondering if I even make a difference to anyone I have to think I only have to answer to Christ…he is our reason…need no other…By the way Bonus dad is having more heart tests Monday…he is getting short of breath and not feeling good at all…went to cardiologist today and they wanted to do test tomorrow but decided on Monday…Pray for him…Holden is cutting teeth and is in so much pain, you can see the white of his jaw teeth beneath the gums and they are so swollen and he is running fever and is just miserable. He is cutting all four jaw teeth at the same time.Hayden got out of school today and is a 2nd grader now…he has grown about 6 inches just this year…Make that ww soup and stay on it and you will lose bunches of that shadow…I know it is not funny at all…I am sorry you are feeling bored with life and down..sometimes it just hits us in the head…all of it…money problems, communication, etc…You are beautiful and wonderful and so talented…and I know God has a just right place for you…that you will find happiness in whatever it is that is missing but remember a hole that never fills will never fill with humanly stuff…it is a God emptiness and only HE can fill it…you can look everywhere and it just won't show up…it is NEVER too late to begin what you want to do with your life…You have a degree, maybe try teaching???? Great benefits, steady work, summers off….Remember how much I love you…I miss that laughter so very much, not that I got to see you much even in OK. BUT I do miss the times at home before you left home…You are like a good medicine, always making me laugh. Must close, I love you, Mom


  2. I was there. And I changed it all. Every bit of it. Not one single regret. Miss the child, miss her. Miss being her Mom every day but it was necessary for me to be here to know that and make those bonds with her little heart tighter and better. The bonds with all of you tighter and better. You are a constant source of encouragement, inspiration and I am so proud of us and all our years. You know this. And I could sit and list 1 million things you've done… I might… that have been beyond that list you posted. But as each day passes… the most valuable thing is knowing beyond everything how much you love me. And I know. I hope you know too sugar. You have got this! Divorce him and move to Michigan.


  3. It really does sound to me like something is coming.And to quote a good friend, "Get your room ready."This is going to get exciting.(My secret wish is that you decide to change the work uniform and when they're all, ummmm…Zelda, you're supposed to wear black, not Pucci inspired caftans, that you just respond with "Uh-huh. I'm bored!")Remember when all my secret wishes used to come true?


  4. I suspect you know deep down (or maybe even not-so-deep-down) what you want to do, what you really really truly and honestly should be doing but are too scared to do, and you're just bored with the all the distractions that have kept you from trying. You've not stepped out of your comfort zone enough.


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