Falling Down

Life is like riding a bicycle – in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.  ~Albert Einstein

 

I’ve been muddling over the idea of this new bike riding venture as a metaphor for my new life. The whole idea of forward motion, moving into the New, leaving the Old in the rear view…there are lot’s of things to take into consideration when you’re on a bike. Balance is the biggest thing I struggle with, and if you’ve read here for any amount of time you know that it’s a struggle that permeates my entire life. I strive daily to get it together. Keep it in line. Keep moving. Keep moving. Keep your focus on where you want to go.

Yesterday…I fell down.

Like really fell down. Crashed my bike. It was as if something took control of my brain…I lost focus…lost balance…overcompensated so that I wouldn’t crash into Sean Patrick and hurt him and down I went.

I. Fell. Down.

Yes, I hurt. My knee and elbow look like someone’s been trying to zest me. There was lots of blood and oozing. My head hit the ground pretty hard and I sent up a word of thanks to my new purple helmet. As I lay on the ground covered in asphalt and grass, grabbing my knee and praying not to see bone when I looked at it, all the Voices came blazing in, swords drawn, chanting, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS. GO HOME. GO HOME.”

I really hate those bitches.

SP sacrificed his water to cleanse my wounds and rinse off most of the blood.

I fought with the Voices in those few minutes of recovery. I thought about going home, because we were only 5 minutes into the ride. I thought about the blood running down my leg and how much it hurt. And I thought about Life. And how many times I have fallen and lay there bruised and bloody. And how the Voices will use that tiny opening to blow the crap off of the locked door and race in, eager to take control. I thought of how I can’t really remember exactly what made me lose balance, lose focus, and overcompensate myself to the ground, but I’ve been here before…written about it all before.

“How is it, that I am here. Again.”

“When will I learn this lesson.”

“Why can’t it just be easy for awhile.”

Money. Weight. Relationships with men. Relationships with family. Career. Anger. Forgiveness. Love. Fear.

Loss of balance. Loss of focus. Overcompensate.

It happens. Daily. Doesn’t it? And man, it’s hard to get back up. It’s hard to get up time and time again. Because it’s risky. There could be another fall. There could be more blood and bruising. There could possibly be more failure and chanting from The Voices.

Or.

Or there could be the hands of a best friend pulling you up, washing you off, making Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation-knee pad/elbow pad jokes and cheering you on.

It’s a choice, isn’t it? This life. This ride.

I could either lay there, or get up.

I got up.

And we rode.

7 + miles.

 

Homeslices- 7+  Asphalt-0

9 thoughts on “Falling Down

  1. Misti . . . you are my hero. You REALLY need to start putting your blog posts into shape for a potential book. You truly do have a gift for expressing your thoughts in a way that is universal, pulling us in and resonating with our own “voices” and experiences. Thanks for being willing to be vulnerable and so real. Hugs!

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  2. Sister, I am just shaking my head. You are truly the champ for getting back on that bike. I notice earphones in your picture. I had to quit wearing my ipod when I walked because I got too distracted by the music and fell, many many times before I figured it out, well Carolyn actually figured it out for me. And I have found that just having no noise is not so bad. You ride much further than I walk, but it’s something to consider. Heart u.

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  3. Bless you heart!! You are a superstar (and pretty crazy) and I am certainly glad you lived through it. Proud of you for trying the bike thing. That is an item that’s been on my wish list for years…

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