Relationships take work.
I know all of the platitudes, platitudes? Is that the word I want? perhaps…
“it should just be easy”
“if it’s work it’s not love”
“it should just come naturally”
So here’s the deal.
That, ALL of that is bullshit. Absolute one hundred percent BULLSHIT.
Relationships take work. In order for them to be a success, for them to thrive, due diligence must be paid. In this busy world, this thoroughly connected, overly booked world that we’re all living in, you must make a conscious decision to throw a little attention to your relationships. Pick up the phone. Send a text. Mail a card. Write an email. Connect on social media.
And if these connections are coming to you? It is imperative that you make the choice to stop for the five seconds it takes, and respond. Touch back.
I realize that there have been weeks and weeks that I just take take take. I will read a blog post and move on to the next one. I’ll read an email and not respond. Just take.
And that is self serving and if I let it go on long enough, just plain ass rude.
Relationships take work.
They take effort.
They require a choice. A choice to make time, be it five seconds or an entire day, to put that relationship at the top of the list.
I understand life is nuts. I feel like I am perfectly qualified to say that I UNDERSTAND a busy life. I know that it’s easy to take for granted those steadfast people in your rolodex, and push them to the back thinking, “they’ll understand.” And they probably will. We ebb and we flow, don’t we? In every area? It’s human nature.
But at some point, without a little tenderness, a little love, a the actual display of such…things dry up and dissolve. It’s so easy, isn’t it, to just tuck our heads and forge into the fray? Put on our blinders and focus on the endgame.
“as soon as I get this paper written.”
“wait till Spring Break”
“we’ll find some time, sometime…”
I’m so guilty of it. Absolutely. Taking for granted those people that have been in my solar system, rotating around, hanging there patiently waiting for time.
Are you?
Taking into consideration all that we’re all dealing with, trying to navigate this life, this year, this new path, it’s understandable when we get lazy. But the fact of the matter is it hurts to feel ignored. To be shoved to the back of the line. To consistently be denied that time. To be guaranteed 5th place.
This past weekend was exhausting. It really was. But it was worth every second on the road, driving in the rain, coming home and hanging out and watching tv till midnight with friends…totally worth it to throw a little tenderness and attention onto some relationships that I’ve been neglecting.
Time.
It’s infinite in it’s finiteness.
We’re all so aware of it this year.
So my goal, is to keep things flowing instead of ebbing. To be present, to be responsive. To give more than I take.
That kind of work?
Better than winning the lottery.
Misti Ridiculous 
Whenever we talk about this I almost unburden myself but then never do. Today’s the day!
Remember that Thanksgiving when we were so drunk? No the other. No, the FIRST one. The one where I added Tequila to the premixed margaritas by accident? And we were sitting on the (carpeted?!?) floor of the kitchen having a not- seance where we sent energy to each member of the group for whatever specific purpose they declared. Remember that?
Anyway, it was my turn to receive all the energy and it was going on a long time. It seemed really long and I felt weird about it but I tried to keep receiving and finally you were all, “OK, now it’s over, don’t get greedy!” And we moved on and I was mortified.
Here’s the confession part, I totally did not understand what the hell was going on and I didn’t know it was my responsibility to end my reception. Just didn’t get it. Sorry!
So here is my formal apology to you and Chrome and whoever else was sitting with us for sucking the flow, if you know what I mean. Thanks for everything you gave me!
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sweet girl,
you numbnuts!
I think you’re probably the one that was the least amount of drunk and even remembers that!?!?!?! From what I remember of it, there is no need to apologize. For any of it! Unburden yourself. But I would send you every ounce of my energy, until I looked like one of those people who sold their soul to Ursula the Sea Witch, if you needed it. Seriously. I keep re-reading this and I’m half cracking up and half so sad that you’ve carried that all these years?!?!?!
I love you.
to the moon and back.
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ummmm….what….???
I had a tiara on my head and may or may not have been “WEARING MY SHOES.” Please trust that no apology was EVER necessary for whatever it is you think you’ve done. Crazyhead.
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I would do that entire weekend over. Over and over and over and over. and over.
and over.
“Ima see Will Smif.”
I am so thankful for that memory. I only hope that its in the part of my brain that doesn’t rot with age.
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I am least likely to call or text. It’s only because, I don’t know why. I don’t want to interrupt? I feel like I frequently push myself to be a better friend or to get out there with people. It has always been a thing for me. This is why I have so few friends from HS that I’m still in touch with. But I put in the effort because those that I have in my life are 100% worth it.
And I love Kizz even more for adding extra tequila.
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Kizz is the one with the best ideas. Every time.
I am guilty of all of it. Not calling. Not commenting. Reading and not responding. all of it.
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I am horrid at ever keeping up with anyone – prob. doesn’t help that reclusive me married reclusive Jack and moved to the back of beyond. Nonetheless, I have sworn that I will try harder to keep up with those that matter to me, even those friends that I just see every so often. Misti, you amaze me that you are so busy and connected with so many people. Your blog definitely resonates with me today – it does a lot of days.
By the way, ever since you went back to school and Chris and Cindy moved to Kansas and some other friends of ours started bravely pursuing some new paths, I have been thinking that I need more out of this life. Not sure how it will all work out yet – success? flaming disaster?- but Jack and I are plotting some new things for our life. Prob. nothing will happen til summer or fall, but I think change is coming.
Thanks for the inspiration.
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I cannot tell you in big enough letters HOW EXCITED I AM ABOUT YOUR NEW PLANS FOR ADVENTURE!!!!!!!
I stomp my feet and light a match for you! If I had pom poms, hell. I’ll go buy some. I’m right here, cheering you on!!!
This time last year, I wasn’t even THINKING abou grad school…
but you have supported me the whole way. Steadfast.
I got your back girl.
Getting the MOST out of this life…absolutely.
The failure? PFFFFFFT. Flames are pretty. I love flames. Flames mean there’s something exciting and hot and fierce happening. They go out eventually and smouldering wonder is left…I say Flame It Up!
I am so excited for this for your family. SO EXCITED!!!!!
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Misti, more details to come -maybe this summer if we see you, we will be ready to reveal our master plan
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I think I smother people and they get tired of being my friend. My last incoming call was on March 12.
Surely there is a place in-between.
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I am so guilty of calling. Actually calling and talking voice to voice. You are about the only person I talk to on the phone.
Clearly.
We need to step up our game.
I love you.
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This is exactly how I feel also. I’m afraid that people will think I’m clingy and just want step away from me. I have visions of people thinking, “Ugh, not her again”. We need to convince ourselves that our friendship is not a burden.
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Ah…….. the story of me and the gusband!
You’ll be happy to know we Skype (love it! long-distance relationships no more) and talk at least twice a week.
It’s so good for the soul! I love that I’ve got FB for keeping in touch with the rest of the world 😉
…and blogs 😉
Whit
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I too, am thankful for technology. We are at our fingertips. Which makes me even more annoyed at myself when I neglect.
Im so thankful that your relationship with your gusband is back on track.
I love you.
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I love and adore you! Quality time soon.
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