fearful

i fear hurt

that it’s all in my head

merely a manifestation of my hearts longing

rather than what

actually

is.

because who would want that, right?

how could that-this-be really desired in real life?

and that truth-proven

is more painful than living inauthentically in a fantasy

behind a wall

under a rug

hiding feels easier

but not better.

it does not feel better. 

just some words I found in a notebook that I thought I’d put down here. 

it’s interesting what changes over time. 

and what does not.