Relief

I told Mark last night that I was actually grateful for a full five day work week. The deadlines and needs and must do’s were about to strangle me. CST meetings for the month began last night, I was there until after 9pm. There are a lot of needs and questions and we are still recruiting and it seems like there isn’t enough of ME to go around. That’s a lesson to learn. I’m a fixer. I think a lot of women are. It’s a need that goes beyond any kind of control issue, and really it’s not a people pleasing issue either, not fully. I just want for those around me to be able to go about the business of life, or Girl Scouts, or whatever they’re going about, with some ease. If I have the ability to lend a hand or a thought or do a thing that facilitates that ease? Then that’s what I should do. It is what I WANT to do.

The lesson comes when I realize that I’ve done what I can do. It’s up to the other person to make choices that will alleviate the stress and the vitriol and the ick from their lives. It’s up to the other person to ask for help, or assert themselves at the correct moment, or to know what’s happening within their lives that will bring the ease. My job dictates that I am a liaison between two parties, that I facilitate and guide. It is rare that I have to take over and DO. It’s not out of the realm of possibility though. I have caught myself many times this past month just sitting back and letting them do it. Relationships are trickier.  I’m wholly invested, and because of that the hurt can come quickly. BUT…I’m learning. Some people are just complicated. Some are dealing with demons that have nothing to do with me, that I can do nothing about. Some are the easiest in the world. Nonetheless, learning to step back, to keep quiet, to let things naturally cycle and work out, that’s a lesson. It’s been easier to see, easier to step back, easier to bless and let go because I’ve got Mark to volley these ideas off of.

Relief.

It’s a relief to have someone to talk to about these work and life situations.

It’s a relief to know and feel that it isn’t my responsibility to fix ALL OF THE THINGS.

It’s a relief to know that I can, should, and will begin to step away and let things work themselves out.