Feelings Woah Woah Woah feelings…

I slept for shit last night. The last two nights actually. I have had horrible dreams, night sweats, it’s too hot, then I get the temp turned too cold in the house.

Where’s that damned Goldilocks and her JUST RIGHT when you need it?

I woke up in the guest room this morning about 5am and heard Mark get up and start gathering his tools and supplies. Today is the day that the HVAC gets replaced at Brokedown Palace aka Julie’s House. There was an AC leak for godknowshowlong, so there is some repair work that must be done in the subfloor and under the house. This must be coordinated with the ripping out of the old system by the HVAC crew.

So after days of trying to coordinate and some bad moods and insurmountable globs of stress coming from all of the sides to deal with…this is happening today. I forsee our part of the repairs on this house being finished and starting off on Monday with zero responsibilities and zero keys to that house.

I feel discontent this morning.

Maybe it’s the finality (even though the sale was final last week) maybe it’s the lack of sleep, maybe it’s the condition of our house and the sheets that need changing and the laundry that needs doing and the floors that need sweeping. Or maybe it’s the job stresses and commitments and whatever.

Likely, a little of all the above. I’m betting that it’s the shift in the weather. The change of seasons is upon us, I can feel it in the air.

This time of year brings all kinds of powerful emotions and memories and feelings, it never fails. Every. Single. Year.

I was on campus at USAO yesterday. I had to go to Chickasha for some GS business and stopped to say hi to faculty who are still to this day some of my best friends. I was enveloped in memory, as I always am when I walk Davis Hall. I can see Roger and Ann and Marcia and Jan and JC. John and Patsy and Kathy. Kirk and Chris and Cindy and Talaura and Neil and his crazy ass hair. Carsten and Jack and Sarah and Dr. Webb and the writing lab and Carol in the office. I miss Greg and Jen and Hucks and Joe who were part of an entire other group of friends I met via my exhusband. Maybe I’m sad a little because while we are all still connected via social media, each of these relationships have gone their own way, as they do naturally, and that is okay.

But I miss them.

I miss being that “family” that we all were. All incarnations of that group, that family…they were precious.

And we saw Wicked last night. I can’t remember if this was my 2nd or 3rd viewing, but it was Mark’s first. I enjoy that show. I really really do. I’m humming the music in my head and probably will be all day long.

So this morning as I’m shuffling around getting ready, sipping coffee, and perusing yoga classes that I want to begin taking here in my new community, I’m also thinking about my past community.

Who can say if I’ve been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you…

Because I knew you…

Because I knew you…
I have been changed for good.