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Last week was a really really rough one. Busy at work. Air conditioning brokedownpalace. Clients unhappy. Stylists unhappy. Powers that be ambivalent. Money was tight…man. it was just…woof.

But then we got the weekend. And I got to see my Mom and Burl for a bit, and I had friends over to the yard and cooked out, and I laid in the sun with more friends on Sunday and made some pretty major life choices on Monday.

So, today, my Monday, heading back to work, I’m focusing NOT on the negative that is still swirling around, but on the Happy. Because it floats to the top…and can save you if you let it.

Buying new workout shoes with Chris, and talking about life afterwards over a great meal.

Getting out of the house and into the gym wearing said shoes.

Listening to Cindy talk about her trip, whilst oogling over my Bagel Boyfriend. (best. picture. ever.)

Having friends in the yard, new friends, old friends…nice.

Venting at happy hour and feeling unbelieveably lighter the next day.

my cats.

watching True Blood.

swimming with friends.

seeing Eat Pray Love, and getting it. Really getting it.

Julia on the big screen…she’s my girl.

crying freely throughout a movie and not feeling stupid.

bonding with women about Life. Capital L

making a pretty serious life decision, and taking steps to put it into motion. gulp.

paying ALL of my bills yesterday. even the past due ones. and still having just a teensy bit left over.

Going to Sam’s and treating myself to my own copy of The Help. Which I will promptly loan out.

waking up this morning and seeing the rain.

the “cold front” that brought the temps down to the 90s. Amazing what that will do for a mood.

feeling open to possibility and closed to guilt.

There’s been a lot of talk around these parts about change…feeling something coming on the horizon…change…being fearful yet leaping in spite of it. . . being open to the things we never gave a spare thought to…being open.

I just finished paying all my bills. There were two that were about four or five days past due, but…everything is paid up now. That makes me deliriously happy.

I’m about to have a visit with a friend and talk about living together. Roomates.

Yeah yeah, I know you’re all thinking…”didn’t you just do that Ms. Ridiculous?” well the answer is no. I had a kid in my house who stayed up all night long playing video games and burning the electricity. Who never took out the trash, or bought toilet paper or mowed the yard when I asked him to. Who let water drip into my home and didn’t wake me up to tell me. Now, I’m not throwing my family under the bus…these are all things that perhaps someone who is young at living a grown up life…well maybe these are lessons his parents never taught him. Fine. I’m talking about a roommate. Someone who will realize that this home requires respect. Who will help out with rent and allow me to get a little cushion in the finances. This…I think I can handle.

But we’re going to talk about it and maybe do a trial run after I get the drywall and other things fixed in that room. And that, being open to that and really seeing what it could do for me, makes me excited.

What are you excited about today? Any windows opening in your world?

I work at a salon. A fairly large salon with about 20 people doing hair at any given time. Since June, one entire side has had air conditioning problems. There was a “renovation” about 5 years ago and “they” didn’t replace that unit. The other side has a new unit but this one? The MINUTE it hits upper 90’s (which it’s done daily since JUNE) it freezes up, making the other unit to work twice as hard to cool the entire salon.

In June, I brought a personal fan from home. I have many clients in the menopausal demographic. I’m overweight and prone to the hot cranky anyway. But you get a room full of women, draped under heavy chemical capes, a head full of foil and color, sitting under processing lights…kids? It’s the female version of 300…any second someone is going to trip the hissing switch.

Fastforward through June, July, middle of August and “They” finally brought in a few fans. Two. Two fans. The a/c? well it’s still brokedown palace. And who knows what the plan will be for it’s fate. But we are all so hot. The blow dryers running (ain’ none of these bitches want to leave with wet hair…weird) the lights are blasting. We’re sweating. Clients are sweating. No way to run an upscale business…

Lest you think this Grateful entry is all negative nancy and bitching…I just wanted to give you some back story to tell you WHY I need this entry today…here it comes.

I am grateful for air conditioning.

I am grateful for fans.

I am grateful for my home, which is cool.

I am grateful for my car which will freeze a nipple in about two minutes.

I am grateful for my co-workers. We are grumbling. We are feeling ill, and woozy, and just generally bad yet we haven’t set anything on fire yet. We haven’t turned on each other. We haven’t thrown hot wax in anyone’s face or taken to eating bleach as an easy way out. We’re making it. One eyeroll at a time. We’re making Sonic runs, and water runs and we’re asking EVERYONE “do you need anything”…that’s really a sign of a good team.

I am grateful for today. We are celebrating the impending birth of little baby Duncan with a shower after work. We’ve planned it to happen at the salon, but that was before no one fixed the a/c…it’ll be interesting. But we will have cake balls. And presents. And we will love that baby when he gets here.

I am grateful that I have clients today. It’s been a good week. I went into this week considering getting out of the hair business…and now I think that was just a knee jerk reaction…there’s still instability in my mind about my future…but at least I know I really do love what I do.

I am grateful for the tile in my kitchen floor that cools my kitties.

I am grateful for this morning’s coffee.

I am grateful for this weekend and gathering in my backyard with friends.

I am grateful for being able to pay some past due bills this week.

I am grateful that we have an impending “cold front” …it’s supposed to get down to the mid 90’s on Sunday.

I am grateful for you.

I am grateful that you are reading this.

I am grateful for my sense of humor

and I’m grateful for George Clooney.

Happy Love Thursday, ya’ll.

How’s your week? For you Normals, it’s almost over. For the rest of us, it’s Hump Day. Either way…we’ve almost made it through another week…always a success in my book. The weeks are going faster, aren’t they? August? Wha??? We’re moving head first into the final part of the year and with that comes a whole lotta shit. Work shit. Love shit. Life shit. Sometimes…it’s just shit.

But sometimes you get an hour or two sitting in your backyard with one of your best friends. Tiki torches are flickering. Kitties are stalking in the grass around our feet. We are talking at a breakneck speed, getting caught up on all the shit…and then we get to talk about all the GOOD. The Happy. The Funny and the Real.

And by the end of our two hour power session…we both feel better. lighter. easier. capable of making it through another day.

Do you have that girl? I do. And today she is my Love Thursday post. LT is a sister of my soul. She’s got the best laugh and a never ending supply of support that she gives away freely to me. She’s complex and formidable when crossed and will “Rooster Up” when a friend has been wronged…she’s my reading partner in crime and will get as googily eyed over a novel and talk with me for hours like I’m not batshitcrazy.

I hope you have a girl like her in your life. I know I’m one lucky duck to have her in mine.

It’s not really a secret. I just don’t know what it is yet. Perhaps it’s another job. Perhaps it’s another trip. Perhaps it’s a whole other place to live. Anyways, it’s not a big secret. I’m not plotting to quit my job. I’m not putting my house on the market. (the crack market at that) I’m not running off to marry Padrip after only one email…nothing quite as exciting and scandalous as that…it’s just…something. I don’t know yet. what I do know…is that I can’t seem to get out of bed to go walk, and granted it is hotter than ass here this month…my a/c didnt cool the house to 75 degrees until 4am if that tells ya anything…so I am giving myself a break. However.

I have maintained a gym membership. I pay monthly. It’s right across the street from my work. Its got air conditioning.

How the HELL am I going to wrap my head around living my most fulfilled life and being open to the wonders that are making their way towards me…if I can’t get across the street in my new shoes?

I’ve tried getting a partner to work out with, and yes it’s a good idea, but seriously it never works out. ever. for so many reasons either on their part or on mine. and anyway, I shouldn’t need that should I? I should just be able to leave the salon, get in my car, and drive across to the gym. get out of my car. go upstairs and get on a machine and sweat. how hard is that???

well. I feel sure that having sex with my George Clooney on a high holy day is an easier accomplishment. I. Feel. Sure.

I’ll quit whining now. Seriously. Sometimes I wear my own self out with it so feel free to scroll down.

Sedona. Talking to Gert this weekend a little, we need to pin down the dates of my birthday trip. . .I love the idea of not really having any set plan but for a place to stay and a trip to the Grand Canyon on my 40th birthday. Drive out. Get our rooms. Wonder about. Take a hike. Eat a meal. Have some wine…see the Canyon on the 10th. It’s a wednesday this year…I just like the idea of starting this phase of my life seeing something so magical and formidable and graceful. What I will strive to be for my next 40 years…so. My homework this week is to check calendars. Find time. I will be gone for my actual day but we will celebrate with family and friends another time perhaps the following weekend… is it too greedy to also want to have a party? It gets a little hairy the deeper into November we get *dirty!* because of football schedules and holidays and bla bla bla fishcakes. Whatever. It’ll work out right? after all…

I’ve got the shoes.

and btw kids? I’ve just written myself into going to the gym. Right Meow. Peace out. Happy Humping Day. Huzzuah and Halakaleem and I love George Clooney.

Today’s NFTU…was worthy of adding here today.

You can choose to go, do, be, and have, and in the end you’ll exclaim, shocked and bewildered, that because of all the synchronicities of your life, all the “clicks” and “coincidences,” and the many happy “accidents,” your bounty and good fortune must have been your destiny.

Or, you might choose to wait for a miracle, a savior, or divine intervention, and in the end you’ll exclaim, shocked and bewildered, that because of all the synchronicities of your life, all the missed chances and disappointments, and the many unhappy accidents, your lack and misfortune must have been your destiny.

Misti, do you see what the difference is?

It ain’t me,
The Universe

When we were children, we were told that we could DO anything, BE anything we wanted to be when we grew up. It seemed so simple. So hopeful and achievable.

anything we wanted to be.

anything. 

and my mind reverts back to that poster in Kathy Hunt’s dance studio where I went weekly for ten years…”if you can dream it you can achieve it”…of course back then, it was just to get to wear toe shoes and not to be the chubby girl doing jazz hands in the back row.

Fast forward forty years. I’m the girl who took the grownups seriously. Whatever I wanted. No one told me I had to choose…so I’ve done it all. It doesn’t seem to be very stable, and make much sense to be sniffing 40 years old and still wondering what I’m going to be when I grow up.

And on the surface, perhaps it doesn’t seem very smart. Here I am. Approaching middle age…with not a damned thing to show for it. No 401K. No insurance. No family or children…but.

But.

It’s ok.

Because there is something on the horizon. There’s something bubbling under my surface…and it’s going to be the thing where we all go…DUH!!! Why haven’t you been doing that all along?

But the thing is…I couldn’t have done it all along. Because I needed to do all the other stuff, in order to be good at the thing.

and I’m ok with that.

I bought some new shoes tonight. Walking/Running shoes. Chris and I went and got properly fitted for shoes, then we came home and discussed it. Talked about life. I threw together a really great and simple meal, and we sat in the living room and had an evening brainstorming about the places we’ll go.

When we walked into the house tonight he said, “buyers remorse?”

I said, “no way. what about you?”

He said, “nope. but the thing is…now we can never go back to crappy shoes. There’s no turning back”

And as I look at my new shoes, sitting in the middle of the floor where I properly took them off, and I’m thinking about THINKING. And about being OPEN and making a list of the things I require out of this thing that’s bubbling up…I think about his words.

There’s no turning back now.

and I imagine where those shoes are going to take me.

and I cannot possibly wait.

It’s been a great day…slept in. WAY in. Till 10am kind of in. Awesome.

Watched my True Blood and my Mad Men.

Drank my coffee.

Cleaned the kitchen and started laundry.

Worked with the insurance company to get the extra money to cover my cracks and drywall damage.

That check? It’s in the mail.

Fixed foods for the week. Pasta salad with good fresh veggies. Marinated some portobello caps and some chicken sausages for dinner tonight. Marinating some chicken to grill and eat this week. Mixed up some tuna salad.

Got a library card. and checked out two audio books.

grocery shopped at the cheap shop. home to find that I’d stored food in my fruit and veggie bins and forgotten about it. Bought duplicates. Ohwell.

Loading audio books onto my computer so that I can put them on iPod.

folded clothes.

made catnip toy for cat.

heading out to shoe shop with Chris, then coming back here for dinner.

this was my NFTU today:

Yes, Misti, it’s true. There are so many things you don’t know about. Things, quite frankly, that you can’t know. About the magic, the unseen, and the miraculous logistics that can so swiftly change a life. Yes, it would be enough to daunt even the hardiest of souls.

But, then again, Misti, one needn’t learn the mysteries of the wind, to sail effortlessly around the world, either.

Actually, you got a pretty good deal.

Land ho,
The Universe

I love this movie. I have always loved this movie. I love the theme music…I love the hair…I love that it’s in my favorite city…I love the underdog fighting and winning. It seems like the last few Sundays when I finally wake up, I scootch into the living room with my cup of coffee and it’s on tv.

I’m sitting here watching it again. Probably for the third time this month. Perhaps the Universe is trying to tell me something?

I worked a wedding last night, and it was one of the really Good Ones. I came home with enough money to get one or two bills paid this week. Thank God for that. Salon work has just come to a screetching halt…barely a drizzle. Hopefully next week, with the advent of school…

There’s a lot going on in the “work” area of my life. Someday soon I’ll be able to write about it here. But it’s not appropriate to do so now…suffice it to say I feel like I’ve been swimming in a pool that a group of other people have peed in. And it’s not fun. It smells bad and I don’t want to do that anymore…But in the meantime I’ll keep plugging away. Keep focusing on my clients and keeping my head above water. Keep myself OPEN to what else is out there, things that I’d been tightly closed off to previously. . . and we’ll see where this road leads.

Cindy has been in NYC with Chrome and Kizz this week. BlogHer has come and gone. I ache that I missed this experience. I’m glad I had the $ to pay for my sewer and the eleventymillion other things that happened this year. I am GLAD about that. But I mourn this…Cindy said it’s in San Diego next year. I have family out there. I’ve never been. They have koalas at the zoo…I want to do that.

I did go out Friday night. Mgirl and I went up to the bar. I haven’t been up there but perhaps 3 times this year. It was fun. Nice to see old friends. I stayed up way too late but ya know? It just felt good. Did a lot to help my mood!

Today I’m going to PoshGirl’s fabulous pool. We’re going to float. And play with the kids. And think of an “A” name for her baby girl who’s coming in December. It shall be grand and fabulous. I look forward to it!

Hope you have a great Sunday…It’s going to be hotter than ass here. Up in the 100’s. In the dark air conditioned house, or by a pool. Only two places to be today!

This crack runs the width of my living room.

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