Gaping hole….is what the Hooker left in my day when she rescheduled at 10am this morning…

as well as what she herself has to deal with on a daily basis.

BA Dum BUH!!!

My day filled nicely. I got to do some good hair. Met some nice people (FROM NYC!! HOLLA!!!) helped out my Tween age cousin who decided to Pony Boy himself…
and wound up looking like… UT Orange….gah.

Had a nice evening with MGirl and we had some gooooood heart to heart conversation…so good.

Tomorrow…one more day till the VACA. I have a fabulous wedding to attend tomorrow night.

yep. The Plains. 7:30pm. OUTSIDE.

heh heh heh.

Hells bells. I was prepared for the Hooker Perm today. I’m ready for anything!

Trixie confirmed with a “yeah yeah yeah” to the call yesterday.
She will be arriving at 1.
or by her past record, somewhere around 1:20 this afternoon.

Time to focus energies, gentle readers. Time to light candles. Time to whisper to the blades of grass, do a dance, eat some cake, fart the alphabet. Anything that will get me through this successfully. Because, seriously, if she starts trying to eat me like she ate poor Baby K at her first visit?

Donkey Punch.
End of story.

So…no negative. NO darkness. Only light. Then….lots of LITE! HA!

Last night I had a grand time at sushi with Elephantsoap and Numskullery and Gert. Gert is on the vaca and was wound tighter than an 8 day clock, whilst the three of us were numb from a long hard day at work! We rallied and perked up and the final mumblings were something along the lines of

me: I’m so full. I can’t.
Elephantsoap: NO SUSHI LEFT BEHIND!!!

Lots of laughter. Lots of joy. Life and it’s tiny moments of magic…are just gifts, aren’t they? Numskullery and I started talking about The Book. and UP. I was the only one at the table that has yet to see it, so it’s on my list. SOON. I love conversations with kindred souls. Empowering and motivating.

Gert’s off to the lake with her people.
The Super Green Couple is heading to the wilderness to camp.
I have two more days of banging hair and then a wedding tomorrow night…then peace. Glorious peace that includes meat cooked over fire, floating on water, being with friends and fireworks. FIREWORKS! This is my favorite holiday. Last year…i saw no fireworks. it was sad sad sad. Well, Wonderboy’s, but not the REALLY BIG ONES. I’m super geared up for it this year!

I’m going to try to take pictures of Trixie and her perm today, to post here tonight or tomorrow for your holiday enjoyment. I figure, no one has ever attempted to perm this much hair before, so it can be documented in a legit fashion. . .

1pm people. Dancing. Chanting. Praying. Farting. Whatever you feel the need to do…do it in my general direction.

The office looks like Kodak blew up in here. I’ve been scanning pictures like a frenzied meth addict in order to upload them to our reunion website…well, turns out I can download and install the proper software, I can scan, I can actually follow the directions to upload galleries onto the site…but I cannot figure out how to adjust the photos themselves. They are wonky sideways. The scan pallet is showing around the photo. they load the size of a thumbnail and I cannot figure it out.

FRUSTRATION!!!!!

I feel like I’ve lost momentum this week. I was doing so good with my mantra and my focus and my energy…that thing with the guy a few weeks ago kind of took me out at the knees, whether I want to admit it or not…the impending standup is still charging my battery but I am listening to my Doubt voice more and more…I was talking to Elephantsoap yesterday and it seems as if we’re all in the middle of this weird existential mid life crisis…not so much doom and gloom and I need to buy a Corvette, but just a longing for more, a need for something…tangible or not. Searching and seeking and getting it, finally…

making sense?
striking a chord?
not even close?

ehhhh. ok.
I’m right in the thick of it.

I have a pretty solid book today thru Friday. Tomorrow is the Hooker Perm. Today is payday! I didn’t make comission but once again feel like I can pay my bills. Cutting that cable off helped. My bill went from 124.00 last month to 48 something this month. Now…I think it’ll go back up because of the prorate and mid month cutoff stuff but still. That’s awesome. I did finally call Sprint and cut my bill down a bit. M’Lynn and I are on a family plan and that limits us to certain things, however if we both went to individual plans? We’d be paying the same stuff combined. Anyways, my phone is on it’s last leg and I have four weeks till my upgrade goes into effect.

The Wanting side of my brain says Palm-Pre. The I Can Afford This Without Having to Start Hooking side of my brain says whatever Blackberry is on sale…we’ll see. If the lil pink phone can just hold out four more weeks…Remember when cell phones were free?

I’m still still STILL spending too much money socializing. Twenty here. Twenty there. I have GOT to get a grip on it kids…and am mulling over the offer of working at the War Bar with Gert. She and I have facetime tonight and we’ll talk about it…Still think it’d be better to find a job around here locally…not have that drive…we’ll see.

Happy Humping Day! Huzzuah and Halakaleem and I love you!…and on a side note:

Today would have been Princess Diana’s 48th birthday.
I loved her, with all of my heart…

God Bless Marco.
God Bless my a/c unit for loving Marco.

My air conditioner is out.

Yesterday around six pm I was back here still working on reunion stuff online when I heard some really loud popping sounds from the hallway where the unit is. I thought, freakin cats. are they in there??? I tentatively opened it up and immediately screamed. There was sparks, and flames shooting out from some wires. I turned it completely off…and just stood there. Smelling the burn. I tried it again, turned it on, and BAM! so frack. I called Marco The Great and he said he would come first thing the next morning, but while we were on the phone he wanted me to try it again. Bad sparks. Bad burning smell.

If I hadn’t heard it…
If I hadn’t been home on a Monday…
If I had been outside doing yard work…

gone. flames.

I went to comedy last night just to get into some a/c and when I got home…yeah, I tried it again. This time a little fire lit on the wires that I had to blow out which led me to dream all night long about my house catching on fire.

I’m scared.
You all know how scared I am about money right now…but this? This is going to be big. Even Marco the Great said…”Zelda…if it’s what I think it is…doesn’t look good but we’ll figure it out and go from there.”

I’m scared.

Gert opened a door for me to go out and work at the War Bar. Bartending for War Beans…and part of me wants to jump at the chance…but the other part feels like it’s a poor move when I could probably find a bartending job in the city and not have a forty five minute drive. twice. The point is…I’m trying not to swim in the muck. There are options. If I have to get that second job…well this is the sign I guess I’d need.

just talking this out is helping me focus. And pray. And visualize.

I’ll let you know…

Laundry–done.
Laundry put away…almost done.
Ironing–done
Lawn mowed and watered–done
dishes put away and loaded again–done
clean sheets on the bed–done
put some flea stuff on cat–done.

REUNION STUFF:
set tentative budget–done
call and hire photographer–done
call and hire dj–done
proof the website–done
connect printer/scanner to computer–done
download install software–have been doing this for about three or four hours. Methinks it’s not gonna work, but it’s still running so who knows.

When and IF that happens, I can start scanning in pics to upload to our reunion site.

Still need to Dyson the carpets. Shower and clean up and possibly go to comedy. I’m on the fence about it because it’s just another thing. Still…I want to support. and take notes. My date is looming.

I feel as if this more than makes up for yesterdays debacle. however you’ll notice…nowhere on that list did it say this

Write–done.

Sigh.

So, I’ve poured through The War of Art…almost twice since Numskullery and Elephantsoap gifted me with it last week. It’s AMAZING. Some…many…of the exact same phrases that have been coming out of my mouth are in this book. So so good. It’s got my mind a racin.

in a good way.

Finished out the workweek with slooooow days. We get paid Wed, so hopefully tomorrow will be one last push on this pay period. The hooker is coming in with her long ass hair for her “spiral perm, yo!” on Thursday. We may need extra candles and prayer beads that day. Anyways, Friday night I went over to the Cookster’s. I haven’t had facetime with her in…quite possibly over a year. We sat, her hubby cooked dinner, we had a cold beer, we drove all over the place taking her kid the correct phone charger…it was awesome. She and I have been friends for many many years, and while I miss her face on our daily/weekly/monthly thing we used to be so good at, we pick right up as if not a moment has passed in our friendship. Tried and True.

Saturday was a birthday party/cookout over at the Redneck Riviera. Friends of mine have the backyard that I would LOVE to have. Great deck, beautiful privacy fence, one of the blow up soft sided big pools…oh it was nice. MGirl and I played Auntie with one precious baby who would not go to sleep else she miss out on something! Sat around and chit chatted with everyone…pretty low key and delightful! I woke up the next day with wonky family needy feelings…just a little left of center…wondering if all of this energy wondering is just a waste of energy?

Now, yesterday I had grand plans, folks. So that I didn’t join the girls for brunch and never planned on going to the bar last night. Grand plans to get up early and get the yard mowed before the heat came in, get some cleaning and organizing done, and sit down and write for an hour. Get really focused on that. I woke up around 3 or so when Sammy jumped in my bed soaking wet and holy crap! RAIN!!!! LOTS OF RAIN!!! It’s been 100 or over here everyday for at least a week, maybe more so this is great news. I could feel the world cooling off, my house quit sizzling, the a/c even turned off once or twice!

I slept all day long. I did get out of bed and moved to the couch. I made a big yummy breakfast of fresh hash browns, veggie omelet, toast with my grain bread from the farmers market, fresh coffee. I watched season two of Sex and the City. I napped. I watched the end of season whatever of How I Met Your Mother. I napped. I watched the Dateline thing on Farrah that I’d taped. Mom called and I was still asleep, napping. I did eventually wake up, clean up the kitchen but for mopping. I made a big pan of fried okra and squash for dinner. I ironed most all of my laundry that needed it and hung it up. I watched all three of this seasons eps of True Blood. SLURP. The only social interaction I had was with Danny, my every so helpful Sprint Customer Service agent who for over half an hour helped me figure out what plan I need to switch myself and M’Lynn to for some savings. We laughed. I was witty. He gave me free picture mail. The best date I’ve been on in a year.

I did not organize the office.
I did not think about writing.
I did not write.
I did not finish the book.

RESISTANCE got me yesterday. Took me out at the knee. And what was so funny about yesterday is usually I cannot possibly have those days without and underlying cloud of guilt and voices saying “you need to be doing…” and rest is not restful in the least. Yesterday, I heard the voices and sufficiently quieted them down with “I’ll do it Monday.”

Took me out at the knee, I tell ya.

So here’s today. And it’s not soo grand that I cant get it all done.

Mow front and water. done
laundry-progress and working on it today
vacuum.
rearrange the office, possibly move big furniture if I can do it by myself.
write for an hour.
mop kitchen floor and bathroom floor.
work on reunion stuff: calls to photographer, dj, possibly drive to Batshitcrazytown to open bank account and deliver photos for our website.

So…that’s that.

Huzzuah and Happy Monday ya’ll!

I feel compelled, like so many, to make some sort of comment on yesterdays death toll. Hell, this week’s death toll. Ed McMahon, Farrah and then Michael Jackson.

am I stone cold and horrible….???…because I never even registered shock at the news of any of them. I mean, Ed had been old and ill for a decade. Farrah had been suffering severely for a long time too, bless her beautiful blonde heart. MJ was a bit of a shock, just like…holy hell, really? But as for being sad?

not so much.
He lost me, lost all of me with his pedophile tendencies. I won’t even listen to any post pedophile work. Just give me the pre-trial stuff and I’m fine. I did love his music, I DO and always will LOVE LOVE LOVE Thriller! It’s the soundtrack to my youth for crying out loud…but as for missing the man?

ehhh. And to everyone that says, “But he was acquitted! He settled out of court and was acquitted!”

“so was O.J.”

I did hear that he changed his will to give back the Beatles anthology to Paul upon MJ’s death, which at the time was considered snarky since Paul was several years older…but see how the world works?

So…I’m not mourning with the rest of the world. I’m sad for those that are sad. I’m sad for those kids…but not really. Maybe they’ll be raised without surgery masks now.

And Farrah…she was MY Charlie’s Angel. I was always the blonde one, but she was my fav. I wanted that poster, and never understood why my aunt wouldn’t buy it for me. (guess she was afraid i Loooooooooooved that poster) I just wanted her hair. I wanted those feathers. I wanted her teeth. I used Breck. All of it. I loved her first husband, Lee Majors, because my mother did. I had a Six Million Dollar Man doll. Seriously. You could roll up the skin on his arm and remove his bionics. But she’s been suffering for soooo soooo long. I’m sad she’s gone, but wouldn’t wish another day of that on her.

Ryan O’Neal however??? Should have married her when he had the chance. Cuz he’s not getting a second one.

Life is short. It is. And we can use yesterday as a constant reminder to say, I love you. You matter to me. Oh! I have a girlfriend. (still a little pissed about that) We can support and love endlessly, we can laugh louder, and dance longer and eat better and touch softer and kiss longer and live. just live…harder.

SO, on this Friday for the Normals…I wish you all of that. Loud. Long. Hard.

Who’s There?

Bendover?

Bendover who?

IF IT WAS UP YOU ASS YOU’D KNOW WHO!!!

this was my day. seriously. i had one of those…THOSE days where everything you thought was true and right…but were scared to belive it was true and right…TURNED OUT TO BE TRUE AND RIGHT.

I had a friend. (of for craps sake…yes. a man. why not, right?) that totally perpetuated the stereotype.

but I believed him to be better.

for two weeks. I believed him to be better.

and I started to question myself. I started to question all of it. I asked Joe to wingman for me, turns out he was too fuckin busy to do any of that…and turns out the point was moot…but I started to question.

too fat?
too funny?
too loud?
too saggy?
too kissy?
too needy?
too loud? oh. I’ve said loud.
too perfect?
too obnoxious?
too smart?
too needy? shit. I said that already too…

this is my point.

turns out.
he was too…IN A REALATIONSHIP.

God bless the Facebook.

how else would I know ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

and it’s funny. (stupid funny. not ha ha funny…however it’s become part of my new set, so perhaps ha ha funny) I was never interviewing for that position. I was never looking to fill…ANYTHING.

apparently he was.
I was on the interview.
and ok…so…unbeknownst to me, parents?
check.
parents and him?
check.
parents alone?
check.
him alone?
check fucking check.

aaaaaaaaaand flop.

What’s the saying in Kelsey Grammer’s bio? —“you’re just not Iron Skillet material”

oh.
thank.
god.

You’re right.
I am SOOOOO not Iron Skillet material.

Knock Knock?
Whos’ there?
Someone?
Someone who?
Someone who is smart, funny, and doesn’t play the games without handing out the rule book.

well.
I don’t really believe you…so I’ll just sit here and wait for the REAL punchline.

and wait for Guy Number Three.

Numskullery wrote the most perfectly brilliantly motivating entry over here. Go. Read. Watch the video. It’s….fabulous.

What with the advent of August 3rd on my calendar, and things swirling along in my head, and feeling just a little left of center this past week…I needed that. I know, you are my Guys. My tribe. My comfort and my support. What I don’t know, is if I tell you enough how much that means to me. And how important it is to me.

MUAH!

I actually went grocery shopping last night. real food. real food. fruits, and veggies. I made squash casserole, my summer time favorite. I grilled burgers. I have cantaloupe all cut up and salad ready to take to work. I have milk for crying out loud!!! YAY for that. It’s the small things…I’ve been keeping up with the laundry, and watering the lawn and trying to maintain some level of cool with the a/c whilst not blowing up the bill too early in the summer. I did get up and clean my filter and spray out the big box outside yesterday morning, and it’s helped. But we’ve already hit the 100s here in The Plains and it’s only June. August it’ll be like swimming in the middle of the sun.

I want to go buy The War of Art. Elephantsoap has been telling me I have GOT to read it. GirlKris mentioned it out of nowhere on Monday night right after we set the stand up date. More than three people have mentioned The Secret to me this week, randomly, as well…Gah. I tried one B&N for the art book, they didn’t have it. maybe I’ll try the one by my work today. I have to get some writing done won the set…even though I have a bunch already worked out in my head…it’s going to be time to rehearse.

I have also GOT to get crackin on the reunion. Our website is being built, I have to deliver some photos from our last one to the guy to post and then…we’ll be able to finalize things and get the ball rolling. I have got to develop a budget. seriously. It’s lookin at 45-50 bucks for the weekend right now…anyone think that sucks? dj. food. drink. cocktails are cash bar so not included. clean up fees. photographer fees. take home goodies, name tags, bla bla bla bla fishcakes.

Apparently I have a ton of stuff to do. I need to get off the computer and get in the shower and GET STARTED!!!!

Happy Day, Halakaleem and I love George Clooney!