that there is a show on the tv…that is agility. for cats.

and I watched it for longer than a minute.

i’ve sunk to a new low.

i ate peanutbutter pancakes for supper.

and wine.

I’ve decided to give my “adviser” one more week to get into contact with me. I sent emails the first week of June, and I realize she was out of town that week, but because she sent me her schedule, I know she’s returned. . . and still no response. SO. I resent all the emails to both her school and private addresses and am going to give it this week and see if I get a response. If not, Monday I will head to campus, armed with all of my information and just do it on my own. I’m going to try my hardest to not hold any kind of ill feelings towards this woman…this woman who so clearly cannot manage to do the job she gets paid to do. Oy.

 

side bar. I heard from her this morning. Responses to all of my emails. Terse. To the point. Which is fine, I don’t need to braid her hair. She’s been in DC where it was super hot temps (well bully. it’s hotternass here too) and her father in law passed away suddenly. So. I get that she’s got a lot on her plate, but does life stop for ANYONE when it drops a load of crap in our laps? Anyone? Anyone that it does that for???  Bottom line, she answered my questions which was a good thing because the classes I had lined up were no bueno. Well, some of them were but I need to take two certain courses within my first two semesters so THAT was much needed advice. I’m going to give the schedule another looksee and then attempt to work it out. I sent her my thanks and sympathies for her loss but I’m betting we have already started this adventure out on the wrong foot. Shitfuckdamn. Sigh. I’ll make it my mission to get back on her good side until we get my plan in place, and after that, unless I have her in class, I won’t have a need for any contact. Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!

 

so another side bar. we’ve been emailing and I do believe that the above was just a knee jerk reaction. I think we’re off to a better start with clear communication. all is well.

Whit was here this past few weeks, and of course I was either gone, working, or visiting with MY family so we didn’t get to even talk but for a few minutes in the salon. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her I was all like ” oh. hi! HI!” not even recognizing who was walking up to me at first! Anyways, we had planned to have a powwow about grad school and whatnot but it didn’t happen…Sorry Whit.

We had ourselves a little weather last night. Hail was in my yard after I returned home from Bonusmom’s birthday dinner. Norman got whooped, and several of my friends were sans power last night. Sending them thoughts and love. No power sucks. It just does.

I’m sippin my coffee. Going through the voices in my head and trying to get some clear focus on life. I feel scattered. I want to start feeling better and I think/know that goes hand in hand with working out in some shape or form. It’s just getting my ass up off the couch…right? I have to find some motivation. Clearly, the mirror isn’t enough.

Happy Humpday, Ya’ll.

Apparently, Kizz and I have somehow conjured up some funk from our past. This past weekend she was contacted by her ex love. . . and I was contacted by my ex-husband.

Just a bland and friendly little facebook email. Sitting there. Waiting on my to wake up. Containing bland and friendly little bits of information. I live here now. I work here. I do this. I like that.

It was…interesting.

Made more so because two night’s previous I’d had a dream containing him and another guy from college. The day previous I had talked about him at work, a girl had asked a question about my being married before.

I responded with like blandness and friendliness and then asked him why he’d emailed me.

“so that I wouldn’t regret not doing so”

Ok. So, apparently there is more salvation and redemption and forgivness that needs to happen. (You know we did this in 2008. I contacted him and we emailed a bit and had closure and then I walked away. Again. I didn’t feel he needed to be a part of my current life and he was acting like that was exactly what he was planning.) Well, if that’s what he needs that is fine.

But I got to thinking about it. What about me? What about what I’m feeling or how I’m dealing with this? What if it dregs up all kinds of old emotions and what if scenarios and all of the old risidual gobbeldygook? That’s not quite fair is it? So that he’ll be able to live with no regrets?

If the only person that is going to feel better after you do something…is you…is it the right thing to do?

I’ve decided to just roll with it. I have no feelings, really and truly, about this anymore. They went away a long long time ago. I don’t even resemble the girl who was called Mrs. anymore. My life began, in earnest, when I got divorced and has continued full force through today. There are people and places and nephews that were never even an idea back then, that are part of my everyday living now. I’m not interested, today, in sharing that life with him. But if he needs a little conversation to be able to live regret free, and if I can give that to him…well so be it.

I also have plans to make a quick trip to Talequah this weekend, and have a reunion with Boyd and my best good friend Mike and his family. It’ll be fast and furious but we will grasp time whenever we can, right? Going to that place, and being with Boyd…always drags up memories of that summer I got divorced. So it seems fitting that a trip there will end this week…

In other fun plans I get to celebrate Bonusmom’s birthday tonight with a meal! I’m going to make myself DO somethings around this house. I’ve got a lead on another part time oil and gas job to replace the one I’ve got when it peters out. I have blooms on my tomato and cucumber plants and baby okra and baby jalapenos in the garden!

A lot of my friends are escaping to the lake this week. I am so excited that they are getting some time to relax…I crave it. I’m also craving NYC. Did you see the Tony Awards? My favorite Neil Patrick Harris just rocked the gaff tape off of that show. Producer, host, perfection. But it made me just crave the city. The theatre. Just . . . being there. Sigh. I need a sponsor for my life.

If I would have stayed married…who knows what my financial world would look like. Most certainly it would be better than I’ve got now. But I wouldn’t have a clue who lives in apartment 2b in Brooklyn. Nor would I have gotten a postcard from Payten Ruth from camp, because I would have never known her daddy.

It’s those things that I carry in my arsenal when I’m ghostbusting. They work every single time.

I slept until 12:30 today.

I woke up at 9:30 and fed the livestock. . . and went back to bed.

Lordy be. Guess who was tired? this girl.

So today, I’ve got some laundry to do. I want to plant a few more things in the garden. But other than that…the day is mine. MINE!

It’s also Bonusmom’s birtday!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARYMARY!!! We love you so much!

She and I will celebrate together sometime…until then I’ll probably just be on this couch!

 

Good Lord that week kicked my ass.

All of the work and life combined with the sinus gunk and the no sleeping due to cough…I crawled in on my hands and knees to the weekend but I made it! Got up early and met the kids and Moms for breakfast before they returned home, then I came home and crashed. Dark room, cold a/c, Gilmore Girls in the background…I slept until early afternoon and then catnapped the rest of it.

I finally got up and cleaned up the mess that was this house. Trey is coming over with steaks, and we’re going to have a little Sunday Funday action before he goes to work. Steaks, shrimp, baked beans, pasta salad and cold beer! YummmmmOH! Trey is one someone I’ve had in my life for years. I can’t even remember how many.  But we’ve recently begun hanging out over here, spending snow days, crazy weather days, summer evenings cooking and eating and watching movies. Zombieland solidified our friendship forever!

He has to work at 8:45, then I shall come in and finish the dishes and watch the Tony’s which I’m recording. I forsee sleeping early in my clean sheets and tackling tomorrow with a vengence.

I have to go to the grocery store. There’s no real food in this house. I’m eating sliced cheese and mixed nuts. The cats are out of crunchy and I have no coffee. I may get so inspired that I get up to my college and get enrolled ! WHAT?!?!? yup! That’s what I want tomorrow to bring. Perhaps a movie…who knows. Rest. I know that.

How was your weekend? Did you do anything fun or did you work the whole thing like I did? We had some nice rain last night so I’m going to plant some pepper plants that Bonusmom gave me tonight. The weather is nicer…still hot but not oppressive.

Ok that’s it from here. Enjoy what’s left of your weekend!

I’ve been struggling with my health this week. Exhaustion. Sun rash that has just eaten up my chest. It’s a lovely sight, to be sure. Itchy. So so itchy. Allergies in the form of clogged sinus goo and coughing. I cough all night long. Which means that when I finally wave the white flag in the morning, I am a zombie.

meow meow.

I had already concluded that this would be my summer sans sun. I’ve always used sunblock but have never been a fiend about it. This year, 70 spf, sun hats, lip block…The Works! Unfortunately while camping on top of the sun last week, some of that protection slipped. Fever blister on my lip woke me up last night with the throbbing. I’m peeling on my lower back where I didn’t get spf’d. This sun rash…sheesh. Apparently I’ve developed an allergy to the sun.

This is totally a self diagnosis per the world wide web. But it fits.

I’m all cranky and pms’ing and sideways about everything this week. My house is a wreck. I haven’t been to the store. I’m out of coffee. and milk. I ate pita chips and french onion dip for dinner last night. I realize all of this supports the yuck I’ve been feeling and that it all stems from just being so tired…even when I take a pill I’m not sleeping.

But Ive got work at the salon today, bartending tonight. Squeezing in time with the family somewhere. Same thing tomorrow.

I’m just hoping that the cough will go away. I’m medicating with Mucinex and Vit C. I’ve had some Alka Seltzer Plus Cold meds too…neti pot and lots of water.

So. That’s me. I’m cranky and tired and sideways.

BUT…I’m grateful today for the little bit of rain we got. I’m grateful for getting to see my family. I’m grateful for clients and money to live.

Life really is good.

Happy Friday.

Sweet merciful sweaty monkeys.

It’s hot.

It’s really hot standing around blow dryers all day.

Our salon has West facing windows. It’s awesome.

The kids are here. Holden speaks in Meow these days. He meow’d today at lunch in such a way, with such perfect timing, that I almost did a spittake right into Bonusmom’s face.

love love love.

or as he would say…meow meow meow.

I’ve got nothing really to report. I feel like asshola. Coughing. Allergies. My fever blister on my lip is painful and I’ve got work solid all weekend long. That’s about it for me.

Peace and air conditioning.

 

I’ve had a bunch of stuff in the back of my noodle that I’ve been ignoring until “after I get back from the mountain.” Lot’s of things like bills, tax payments and some financial work that I DO NOT WANT TO DO, dealing with enrollment and financial aid for school, getting the guestroom back in order, bills getting paid.

Just a bunch of stuff.

The fact that I managed to really ignore it and be in the moment during the trip was amazing unto itself. But last night my internet went out so I couldn’t do anything with bills and information gathering and this morning I woke up in a full blown almost panic attack.

With a fever blister.

I called my sister and talked to her for awhile. The internet tech came out early and was kind and generous with his time and information and fixed me right up, even better than before. I called into the salon and have a few appointments today. I’m praying for more. I’m going to get into the office for a few hours as well…

I feel a little better. Less panicky. I need to make a list and see what exactly it is I need to do to breathe a bit easier

I’ve got weekend bartending shifts both Friday and Saturday.

Mom and the kids are arriving tomorrow for a visit so my free time will be spent with them.

Taryn and I decided to scrap our summer camping trip and make it a trip to the condo instead! Climate control is the key for my future summer mini breaks. I want to have a family camping trip…but we’re looking at Sept/October. Maybe a long weekend during fall break.

What else?

Missing my travel partners. I love being able to find people who I travel well with. Mgirl and I are good travel partners, and now I’ve got a few more to the list! Trish and Gabe and I have yet to remove our Waka wristbands…We’re our own version of a Wolf Pack.

Ok kids. I’ve got to get ready. Banging some hair at 10. I need to get mine banged as well. I am going to get a real haircut this week. not super short, but a goodly amount. It’s time. It’s just time.

Oh hey! I got financial aid for grad school! I was approved for loans and some workstudy. I’m ok with that. Maybe I can find some grants in my future, but I’m ok with the loans. I’m just ready to get there, ya know?

Have a great day.

I love my air conditioning.

We survived.

We did indeed survive.

We proved things to ourselves (and clearly everyone who looked at us with tilted dog heads and said…”camping???? in a tent???”

The music was fabulous. We saw some amazing acts. Grace Potter. Mumford & Sons. Ryan Bingham were my favorites…

There were thousands of people. It was upper 90 degree heat all day every day. There was no escaping the weather and the weather…was brutal.

We did set up our campsite at 1am and kicked some serious ass…until we realized we had the shade canopy inside out. RIGHT??? who can say that?

I’m exhausted. The heat took us out at the knee…we did have riverside camping so we spent our days at the river until it filled up with “Weekend People”

The Weekend People make douchebags look like sweet girl scouts selling cookies. Gross gross people. The other dumbass people wore me right out. Drugged out kids with their hula-hoops and their swinging ball things.  The stupid tu-tu wearing kids, the dumbass redneck stoners…the people that cared nothing about anything other than having a place to do as many drugs as possible…those people made it unpleasant.

I’m not saying everyone needed to go FOR THE MUSIC…but dude.

Maybe I’m too old for it. I don’t know. I don’t like drugged out slacker kids here in OKC so I don’t think I’m being specifically bitchy. Our running joke was…”Your mother is so dissapointed in you. Get the hell up. Sober up. Get a job. Take a shower.”

We laughed. A lot. We set out for an adventure and ohmylanta did we get one! We got great stories. We almost gave ourselves a heatstroke on the first day. We met some great gooniegoogoo friends from St Louis. We found salvation at the river. We rode a ferris wheel. We walked through Little Bangcock every night. We put Vitamin Water and Krispy Kremes in the hands of our stoned out neighbor kids which gave us great karma the last day. We did minimal drinking. I brought home 3 of the 4 cases and the mojito stuff. Too hot for anything but water. We overbought food like crazy people. It was too hot to eat. I tried to cook twice…it was just too hot. We had the best campsite ever. It rocked. We learned what we would do differently…but are pretty sure we’re not heading anywhere like that for awhile. When we stopped for breakfast at Cracker Barrel this morning, Gabe turned to me and said, “it’s nice to be in some place…normal.” and I said, “yeah like with climate control and a roof?”

yeah.

The lineup would have to be pretty freakin awesome. . . Like…Elvis and John Lennon and Gabe’s dirty secret boyfriend, Jim Morrison…we’d maybe go camping  inside the sun again for those guys.

maybe.

We leave for our camping trip/music festival tonight. We tore UP Sams and Walmart last night. Seriously.

I grew up camping with my family. Two whole weeks at a time. Lake Sam Rayburn. Possum Kingdom Lake…I remember my parents always always always having the best campsites, the best breakfasts, the best tents, the best hammocks. I remember cold peanut m&m’s out of the ice chest.

Pretty sure this camp site of ours is gonna kick some serious granola tree huggin booty.

We’ve got each of us, our own sleeping tents with blow up beds. We’ve got our Private Bathroom tent, with portapottie, accessories, and US magazines. We’ve got our 11×11 Shade tent that’s screened. We’ve got two tables, four chairs, lanterns and tiki torches and candles. We’ve got our kitchen stand set up, our stove and our travel charcoal grill. We’ve got our coffee pot. Trisha’s car has a normal plug in, so we’re just doing it that way. Instant gratification. I may be roughing it, but I’m not trying to get up, start a fire and bubble up some dang coffee. I need it pronto. We have a solar shower, and camp soap to get some grit off before we sleep. Hammocks. Two of them. Battery operated fans, camelback packs, tank tops and SPF A Million. We’ve got glow sticks and glow swords and glow axes. We’ve battery operated Chinese lanterns for decor. We’ve got a clothesline that will operate as a privacy wall…

We’ve got food, good breakfasts. We’ve got a cast iron skillet. Biscuits and gravy. Eggs, hash browns, sausage. Batter blaster pancakes. Bacon. We’ve got bratwursts, weenies, brick chili. we’ve got chicken breasts to grill. Chips and dips and hummus and pitas. Clift bars and 5 hour energy drinks. Salty cashews and pistachios. Cookies and donuts and cheap baked goods with white icing. We’ve got Vitamin Zero, Green Tea, and Bottled Water. OJ and some fabulous pomegranite/blueberry juice that will be premixed with the vodka.

Speaking of happy hour…We’ve got four cases of beer, some regular, some fancy. We’ve got two pouches of mojito, two pouches of wine and some premixed vodka/pre mixed margaritas. We can’t take glass containers…so we’re getting creative baby! We also can’t take any alcohol into the music venue, so that means this will all be consumed on site. They sell stuff at the stages, so that’ll be fine. We’re not trying to get shittyboombalitty, just loose enough to not worry about what this daily life is offering.

I just want to relax. Into my bone marrow. And if that means I bop till I drop…or I just get comfy at the campsite and peace out for a bit. . . either one is fine by me.

I have much faith in our packing abilities, and even more faith in our setting up camp at 1 a.m. abilities! Hey…There’s really nothing we can’t do.

I told Trisha and Gabe last night, who knows what this adventure will bring. We may hate it. We may be dirty, crying girls by Saturday night. We may never do it again. . .

Or it may turn out to be the best little getaway of our lives.

And who want’s to pass up a chance at discovering something that great?

Not this girl.

I wish I could blog from there. I’m not taking my computer. And we’ll have car chargers for our phones but I don’t want to drain it too much with use. We’ll see how that shakes out. I’m going to take a notebook and pen, so we may go the old school route.

I’ve got to go to the bank, make deposits, go to work and bang a little hair. Depending on how the day shakes out, I may come home during breaks and just gather last minute items. We’ll load up about 7:30 tonight and head to Ozark, Arkansas. When you’re all getting up for  your 1-3am peepee, think of us. We’ll be setting up our camp!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take a really long hot shower. This clean has to really last the next four days…

WAKA WAKA!!!