I’ll say it again.

If nothing changes…nothing changes.

It’s not an original. It was printed in some of my WW books and info. But it’s stuck with me this week.

I have a bunch of stuff rumbling in my head, about the eating program, and life in general. About money and how I only have one appointment today. About how yesterday I found myself actually CAUGHT inside the net of anxiety and funk, and while I never (almost never) do those passive aggressive FB posts, I did one and got some amazing support. I have a lot jumbling around in my head about books I’ve read and am about to start reading, about movies that I’ve seen or will see soon.  About old friends and old memories…new friends and new ones. About more things I need to do here at home and about this mothertrucking tree that’s still NOT apart and fitting inside the box.

I have a lot of things rattling around about those topics…but this morning, I just want to say that one thing that hasn’t changed, that has stayed consistent and strong, is my love for you, dear reader. I love that you’re out there. All five of you. I love that you come visit here and swim occasionally in the drivel. Thank you for your comments.

if Nothing changes…nothing CHANGES.

what does that do for you?

First day back to work, sheesh. Exhausted. and I only did three clients! Ha! Ran to Walmark to find one of those tree holder thingys, and of course there wasn’t any. So the tree is still laying atop the box in the floor behind the sofa. Tomorrow perhaps, will be the day I figure out how to disassemble the dang thang.

Food intake was good today. I’m a little sluggish, but have roasted chicken and veggies in the oven, have some laundry going and Biggest Loser on the tv. yeah, I’ve already cried. Roasted chicken and veggies in the oven. Tomorrow we have an early morning meeting at work so it’s a lazy kind of night.

How was your day?

Yeah, that scale is my bitch. I was scared too. I’m already scared that next week’s weigh in won’t reflect a loss. It’s been so long since I’ve felt positive about anything I was doing health-wise that my brain is geared toward the negative.

Isn’t that just odd?

I’m still wrapping my head around the new Points Plus program, all that I used to know is different now. So it seems that I spend enormous amounts of time looking up or figuring up points. Gah. yeah yeah yeah, it’s the second day. Cut myself some slack. I hear you.

Scared, too…it’s January. Kind of a screetching halt to the working and the moment where I go….SHIT why did I spend all that money last month!!! It’s ok. It is. I’m determined not to get panicked. I’m determined to go get that Ramsey book and start my debt program. I’m determined to use the “free time” to work on things that take up all my brain juice “I should have been doing…I need to be doing…”

I’m ready to get my business finances all in the Quickbooks. I have to load a new operating system on my machine before the 2011 version will work on it. I’m ready to get my tax information all gathered and find a place to take it. But that’s nothing I can really do until I get all the paperwork in the mail. . . just breathe through that.

So I have all these things in the back of my mind that are giving me some level of anxiety. I’m not excited about starting my year out with this little baggage. I want to chill out and figure a way through it without eating my hair.

My first client canceled this morning. She’s got the strep-throat. Bless her for not coming anyway. So my day doesn’t actually START until 3pm. I’m going in before then, but this morning, I’m taking down the dang tree. I am.

really.
I’m doing it.
right now.
i promise.

How was your New Years? Did you ring it in, right and proper? I was surrounded by friends all weekend with food and laughter and drink and revelry. I slept all day yesterday because of the level of revelry, but that was just fine with me. Today was major productive, laundry, clean sheets, mopped and vacuumed. Oh, and I went back to Weight Watchers. Yup.

Jewels is my best friend at the salon, and she and I are going together. We got all of our information and packets and calculator (because the program is new and there is no more slide tracker). We went to lunch and made our lists and then hit Sam’s and bought tons of fresh fruits and veggies then went home and split them between us. Major affordable that way. I’ve got the 0 Point Soup on the stove and am reading through my material tonight. Weigh in was astonishingly painful. But. Well. It is what it is. And after today, it won’t be that again. I’m in charge. I choose. . . and I’ve been choosing to let IT rule ME. No more of that bullshit. No. More. So, this journey begins…again. Time for me to take back control over this and get on with having fun in life!

So that’s what I’m doing. I need to take down the tree, and it’s the last bit of Christmas that is still up. Tomorrow. I’m already ready to veg it out on the couch tonight…like just dont want to do anything but finish the laundry and gear up for tomorrow.

I hope your new year has started on the right foot, that you’re clipping along feeling positive and love. Giddyup!!!

PS:
I’d like to ask for some prayers and good healing energy to be sent to my dear best M’Lynn. She lost her mother yesterday and is dealing with that process this week. So let’s all send some grace her way, ok?

It’s the final day. We shake out the Etch-a-Sketch tonight and start over tomorrow. or the next day. or the next. We decide…I hope you all have a fabulous night and are surrounded by love and laughter. I hope that tomorrow if I don’t get to see your face, that you spend the first day of the year relaxing, and being grateful for another day. Here’s my NFTU for the day, I thought I’d share it with everyone…MUAH.

Misti, soon the new year starts, so now’s a great time to:

1. Wipe the slate clean.
2. Focus upon what you really want.
3. Chart your course.

Right?

Well… only if you want to risk having to repeat these steps for the same wishes next year! Maybe this is splitting hairs, but here’s an adventurous alternative:

1. Give thanks that life is… just as it is (and that it’s been… just as it’s been). Because of it, you’re now “READY.”

2. Define what you want in terms of the end result. Don’t worry about the hows, or even the course. KNOW that what you want is ALREADY yours in spirit, by divine LAW, just focus on the certainty of this ownership, understand it, claim it, and “it will be on earth, as it is in heaven (spirit).”

3. LET THE UNIVERSE show you the way via your impulses and instincts that appear as you take inspired action. Don’t worry that your first steps seem silly or futile. And if you don’t know what to do, do anything! Go! Get busy! Do not insist on intermediary successes, only upon the end result.

2011 is going to be your year (it already is),
The Universe

Sitting here at moms watching Wonderbaby play with Tonka Chuck, and thinking about loading and unloading my car…it’s almost enough to just move here. Gross. I do hate to leave. It’s been a great (mostly great) weekend. The stress of dealing with my dad and his wife and her kids that live with them coming over and just staying yesterday…well needless to say when I found that out I was pissed. Everyone was pissed. It funked up the entire plan for the holiday. I woke up with a fever blister yesterday, mom with one today, and my left eye hasn’t quit twitching since it started Sunday. Nice. We look like we all escaped from the nervous hospital.

But it’s behind us. The stomach is starting to settle down, the knots are starting to go away…and I’m sad. I’m sad that my reaction is what it is. I have to say, I did pretty well this year and didn’t let it creep up on me until Saturday. 364 days out of the year, the decisions my father and his wives have made do not ever effect me. That one day though? Fucking kicks me right in the ovaries.

I am holding on, with both hands and white knuckles, to the lesson I learned at Wal Mart yesterday. Upon loading up my suv with all of our purchases, Mom and Taryn got in the car and a couple walked past me with their cart, heading to their car, and the girl asked me, “do you have a few dollars to give us so that we can go buy more groceries?” My IMMEDIATE response was “no I don’t. I just spent all of my cash.” and just kept right on into my car. I got in and we all commented about beggers and about how it was such a scam and about how if you were going to ask me for money you should have asked me BEFORE I just bought my new bedroom tv and the new holiday decorations…and then I got a pit in my stomach. I literally felt ill and said as much to my sis. “Turn around. see if you can find them” I had a few dollars in my mad money hidey hole in the car, mom got some money, sis found some dollars and I drove through lines and lines of traffic hunting down the couple and we drove up beside them JUST about the time they were pulling out. I honked, and we rolled down our window and handed them the money and said Merry Christmas. Go get your groceries. The look on the woman’s face was….well I cry now again, typing it. They both JUMPED out of their car, held hands and ran back into the store.

I cried. all the way to wherever we went next. We are all so blessed. We are all so lucky. Even with fractured family trees that are held together by duck tape, even with the pain and the losses we’ve felt throughout this year, even with the heartbreak and the financial crisis…We. Are. Blessed.

So. That’s what I’m trying to hold onto today. That’s what I want you to remember this week. It’s not just a day on a calendar. It’s not who get’s what from whom. It’s not this divorce, or that step-whatever. It’s not this bill, or that party…

It’s kindness.
It’s tolerance.
It’s being absolutely present in your gratefulness. It all goes by so quickly…doesn’t it?

Let’s remember today, to be nice to one another. . . even though somedays that’s the hardest thing ever.

I am in Arkansas with the family. We’ve opened presents. We’ve been to Candlelight Service. We’ve snacked and sipped. We’ve sung songs and danced a little. I am awash with the blessings of the night and an overwhelming sense of gratefulness for all we’ve been through this year.

I wish you peace.
I wish you health.
I wish you happiness.

Merry Christmas, friend.

I love you.

and him, too…

woke up this morning to a grownup tv that is messed up. it’s all fuzzy and doubled on the screen. I have no idea what is up. I wasn’t home last night to watch anything. Immediately annoyed. BOOM!
so I’ve put on an ep of Family Guy on the Roku, poured a cup of coffee and am about to get in the shower for this powerhouse day. GAH. annoyed. annoyed. annoyed

I was supposed to go see a play last night but plans fell through, so we went to the movies instead. The cheapo ghetto movies, which was just fine with me. We saw the How Do You Know with Reese Witherspoon. It was good…ok. Have any of you seen it? Whatddya think?

Gotta get ready peaceout.

My teensy weensy week starts today. . . and I’m booked solid from 10 till 7 or 8 today and tomorrow and Thursday morning is booked with openings in the afternoon. I’m happy happy for the clients and the work! Equally excited for the social engagements this week. Tonight my friend Kris and I are ushering at CityRep in order to see Santaland Diaries for free. (hey. they need volunteers. I need to not spend money) Tomorrow is Trivia with my guys (we’ve won three weeks in a row! woot woot!) and Thursday is Christmas Adam (honk honk) with my PseudoSisters et. al.

I’ve got a few things to do before heading to the family for Christmas, supplies to pick up, whatnots to gather, packing and planning. I’m ready for some time off. I’m excited to see the boys open their presents and get excited.

I went to the movies yesterday, saw The Fighter. HIGHLY recommend it! GO!!!! There are several coming out this week that I want to see, and I still haven’t seen Harry Potter. I love holiday movie watching. I watched Toy Story 3 last night…holyhell. It was rough. But good.

What else? I’m still gathering info on the debt classes. I’m thinking I probably won’t do the weekly classes but just read the books and follow those. . . at this point that is what I’m thinking, anyway.

Ok, have a fabulous day! This is me getting ready to go bang some hair. Peaceout.

I’m seriously considering doing the Dave Ramsey money thing. I’ve had several clients work that program and one of my YaYa’s did it this past year and is completely debt free.

let me say that again, COMPLETELY DEBT FREE.

I’m not saying it was easy for her, but it didnt take the entire year either.

I’m really really looking into it and considering it.

with the new job change, and the roommate, this year I should SHOULD be making more money than before. I need to manage it and get control over it.

So that’s what I’m thinking about. Have you heard of it? Have you done it or know anyone who has done it? Tell me your thoughts.

The family comes back to Oklahoma tonight to begin the Christmas celebrations. I’m excited. Also have a busy busy day at work so THANK GOD for that. Tomorrow, I’ve got auditions for a show called Skin Deep, and Sunday I have a bartending gig.

looking at that, I don’t feel bad about taking Christmas Eve off of work.

Still trying to lock down kitty care for next weekend, but other than that everything’s a go!

Happy Friday, ya’ll.