When we were children, we were told that we could DO anything, BE anything we wanted to be when we grew up. It seemed so simple. So hopeful and achievable.

anything we wanted to be.

anything. 

and my mind reverts back to that poster in Kathy Hunt’s dance studio where I went weekly for ten years…”if you can dream it you can achieve it”…of course back then, it was just to get to wear toe shoes and not to be the chubby girl doing jazz hands in the back row.

Fast forward forty years. I’m the girl who took the grownups seriously. Whatever I wanted. No one told me I had to choose…so I’ve done it all. It doesn’t seem to be very stable, and make much sense to be sniffing 40 years old and still wondering what I’m going to be when I grow up.

And on the surface, perhaps it doesn’t seem very smart. Here I am. Approaching middle age…with not a damned thing to show for it. No 401K. No insurance. No family or children…but.

But.

It’s ok.

Because there is something on the horizon. There’s something bubbling under my surface…and it’s going to be the thing where we all go…DUH!!! Why haven’t you been doing that all along?

But the thing is…I couldn’t have done it all along. Because I needed to do all the other stuff, in order to be good at the thing.

and I’m ok with that.

I bought some new shoes tonight. Walking/Running shoes. Chris and I went and got properly fitted for shoes, then we came home and discussed it. Talked about life. I threw together a really great and simple meal, and we sat in the living room and had an evening brainstorming about the places we’ll go.

When we walked into the house tonight he said, “buyers remorse?”

I said, “no way. what about you?”

He said, “nope. but the thing is…now we can never go back to crappy shoes. There’s no turning back”

And as I look at my new shoes, sitting in the middle of the floor where I properly took them off, and I’m thinking about THINKING. And about being OPEN and making a list of the things I require out of this thing that’s bubbling up…I think about his words.

There’s no turning back now.

and I imagine where those shoes are going to take me.

and I cannot possibly wait.

It’s been a great day…slept in. WAY in. Till 10am kind of in. Awesome.

Watched my True Blood and my Mad Men.

Drank my coffee.

Cleaned the kitchen and started laundry.

Worked with the insurance company to get the extra money to cover my cracks and drywall damage.

That check? It’s in the mail.

Fixed foods for the week. Pasta salad with good fresh veggies. Marinated some portobello caps and some chicken sausages for dinner tonight. Marinating some chicken to grill and eat this week. Mixed up some tuna salad.

Got a library card. and checked out two audio books.

grocery shopped at the cheap shop. home to find that I’d stored food in my fruit and veggie bins and forgotten about it. Bought duplicates. Ohwell.

Loading audio books onto my computer so that I can put them on iPod.

folded clothes.

made catnip toy for cat.

heading out to shoe shop with Chris, then coming back here for dinner.

this was my NFTU today:

Yes, Misti, it’s true. There are so many things you don’t know about. Things, quite frankly, that you can’t know. About the magic, the unseen, and the miraculous logistics that can so swiftly change a life. Yes, it would be enough to daunt even the hardiest of souls.

But, then again, Misti, one needn’t learn the mysteries of the wind, to sail effortlessly around the world, either.

Actually, you got a pretty good deal.

Land ho,
The Universe

I love this movie. I have always loved this movie. I love the theme music…I love the hair…I love that it’s in my favorite city…I love the underdog fighting and winning. It seems like the last few Sundays when I finally wake up, I scootch into the living room with my cup of coffee and it’s on tv.

I’m sitting here watching it again. Probably for the third time this month. Perhaps the Universe is trying to tell me something?

I worked a wedding last night, and it was one of the really Good Ones. I came home with enough money to get one or two bills paid this week. Thank God for that. Salon work has just come to a screetching halt…barely a drizzle. Hopefully next week, with the advent of school…

There’s a lot going on in the “work” area of my life. Someday soon I’ll be able to write about it here. But it’s not appropriate to do so now…suffice it to say I feel like I’ve been swimming in a pool that a group of other people have peed in. And it’s not fun. It smells bad and I don’t want to do that anymore…But in the meantime I’ll keep plugging away. Keep focusing on my clients and keeping my head above water. Keep myself OPEN to what else is out there, things that I’d been tightly closed off to previously. . . and we’ll see where this road leads.

Cindy has been in NYC with Chrome and Kizz this week. BlogHer has come and gone. I ache that I missed this experience. I’m glad I had the $ to pay for my sewer and the eleventymillion other things that happened this year. I am GLAD about that. But I mourn this…Cindy said it’s in San Diego next year. I have family out there. I’ve never been. They have koalas at the zoo…I want to do that.

I did go out Friday night. Mgirl and I went up to the bar. I haven’t been up there but perhaps 3 times this year. It was fun. Nice to see old friends. I stayed up way too late but ya know? It just felt good. Did a lot to help my mood!

Today I’m going to PoshGirl’s fabulous pool. We’re going to float. And play with the kids. And think of an “A” name for her baby girl who’s coming in December. It shall be grand and fabulous. I look forward to it!

Hope you have a great Sunday…It’s going to be hotter than ass here. Up in the 100’s. In the dark air conditioned house, or by a pool. Only two places to be today!

This crack runs the width of my living room.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

BlogHer’10 starts today and while I mourn the fact that I’m not there, I send love and light to my girls who are going to be face to face around 5:30 tonight…envious.

There is a crack in my ceiling. A really bad one. I met with the drywall guy and his boss today…getting that fixed and the drywall in the guest room that was spoiled by the leaking roof should be do-able. He’s going to write me up a estimate and I’m going to send that into the insurance. Cross your fingers that they fork over some more $$$ to pay for this…because my day at work STARTS at 3:30. I have 3 haircuts. My first cut and color rescheduled. It’s bleak. Scary bleak. and I’m trying to walk in faith. Stay POSITIVE and “even keeled”…

I just fell down my stairs outside into the gravel…

Thursday, meet The Proverbial Straw.

knee and hands are all bloody and janky and scraped up and I’m sitting on my couch trying to hold back tears. Hot. Mess.

So. I’m going to give myself a few minutes to come-apart. Then I’m going to go fix my face, doctor my wounds and head back to the working place with a smile and positive attitude.

but before I do that…I’d like to give Thursday one big final, BUGGER OFF.

For the second day in a row, I have NOT gotten up in the morning to go for a walk and listen to my newly downloaded book. The first night, I was just so into sleeping in an empty house that I just slept through it. Last night, it took forever for the house to cool off from our 104 degree day. Plus I was worried about the huge crack in my ceiling leaking out all of the cool air. (clearly I’m not an engineer…) and just as I’d nodded off a crazy noise went off in the living room.

Not another bird. PLEASE GOD. Not another bird.

nope. just a locust and one happy black kitty cat. I couldn’t stand it and got the bug outside. pissed off the cats. went back to bed to worry about the a/c and heat and FINALLY got to sleep around 4:30. At 5 said little black kitty came in, which prompted Kikimama to hiss in my ear. Then mournful meows came from the kitchen. I walked in and he’s sitting in the sink.

thirsty.

Ok. water. might as well feed but I know he’s going to drink so much that when he eats he’ll throw up. sure enough I had a mess to clean this morning when I finally rolled out of bed….

Kids. It’s just now 10:30 am.

I’m taking my push mower to the frontier tonight after work to mow the edge by the creek. Getting it into my car turns out…not a one person job. Sean Patrick sent a worker bee to help me…I’m hoping I can go over to a neighbor for help unloading, then reloading….

and by the way? it’s already 91 degrees out there. sweating balls.

I have an open afternoon…I’m sending out good joo joo for call-ins. That will make me happy. I have a bartending shift this weekend. That makes me happy. I made one helluva tuna on bagle sandwich for lunch. along with canteloupe with cardamom and some watermelon. that will make me happy. Cindy leaves tomorrow. that makes me happy.

deep breath.

giddyup.

I feel like perhaps Ive made a turn this year. I dont know if its been all the wackadoo at work, or if sitting under the full moon with Chrome and each of us stating very simply our innermost raw feelings, or if soaking up the love of all the people in my house last week, or if it was finding that 40 bucks in my pocket…but I feel like I’ve made a turn…and that is number one on the list.

feeling hope. seeing the house come together. i.e. roof. grass. a/c.

getting my drywall on the books to be fixed as well as the huge crack in my ceiling that happened when the roof got fixed…

gathering with high school friends

picking cucumbers out of my garden and making pickles out of them.

watching Mad Men on my computer via iTunes.

sleeping with my bedroom door wide open and wearing nothing at all.

reading The Help and talking to people about it.

playing around with my iPod and getting excited to start walking.

maybe getting a dog in September. (whole nother post)

making first commission by 3 dollars.

having good, fresh food in my fridge.

thinking up funny status updates for my professional facebook page.

watching mindless tv with Hawk and Ringo.

mowing on the Frontier and helping pick the garden.

watching The Blind Side

getting one day closer to football season!

seeing Pseudo Sis 1’s SKYDIVING PHOTO

swimming with PS2 and offspring at the Mustang Pool

Clean Sheet Monday

wearing my hair “curly” in the summer because it’s too hot to blow out.

104 degrees out side and eating ice cold watermelon that was meant for Chromecoming that is now cut up in my fridge

remembering to take out the trash

Off to another week…August.

AUGUST!?!?!!!?!?!? are you serious?

I had an amazing weekend. Just nesting. Getting my groove back with my home. Laundry and some cleaning. I made two batches of homemade pickles out of the garden cucumbers!!! I grilled chicken and cut up fruit for the week’s meals. I had Clean Sheet Monday! It really was fantastic. I am refreshed in my heart and head today as I sit here with my coffee about to prep for a new work week.

Did you get to see Dion’s birthday posts? Kizz had a beautiful one full of pictures of our boy. Check it out if you missed it. We’re all turning 40! But Dion makes us all look better for being in his age box!

I spent some time with my techy gadgets last night. After a talk with my high school English teacher via Facebook, I decided to download a book or two and put it on my iPod and listen while I walk. Intending to get up this morning and walk and start listening. UP!!! GET UP!!! not even close. But perhaps tonight after it cools off…or tomorrow. I have to check out my shoe situation so as not to kill my feet again like last time but I’m excited. Time to move. Time to put more great things into my brain and MUCH better and smaller things into my body. (i’m talking about food, numbnuts.)

I’m going out to the Frontier with my push mower to help Bonusmom with the mowing. She lives alongside a creek, and the bank is a little too high and a little too steep for the riding mower. Freaked me trying it last week. So. I’ma figure out how to collapse the mower and get it into the car and go mow tomorrow night. I’ll take my iPod! Ha!

Cindy is heading out to NYC for her first trip and for Blogher. I cannot express my excitement for her adventure. I know she’s in good hands with Chrome and Kizz…I am envious of her time in my favorite city and with my girls. I cannot wait for her to experience it and then come pour the memories and stories all over my head!

Too bad she’s going to miss the cold front that’s moving in here….it’s going to get down to 98 degrees this week. Brrrrrrrrr!

I’m up to make my lunch and get ready for the working! Here’s todays Note From The Universe to start you off too!

So much love, blazing insights, a wild imagination, and opposable thumbs… Misti, do you know what this means?!

You’re nearing the zenith of your evolutionary curve!

Don’t delay!! This is the time to invite fate, tempt passion, and expect miracles by dreaming big and taking nonstop action!!

All things are indeed looking possible and you alone decide how your tomorrows will unfold.

There’s nothing that can stop you! There’s no one who’s above you! Even time must bend to your thinking… and Misti, doodads and things just lying about… fear you.

My how you have grown,
The Universe

Yesterday, as previously posted, was NOT Dion’s birthday. It’s TODAY! My brain…enough said.

This man is my soul. I knew it when I met him 11 or so years ago in Saginaw, Michigan…we would never be apart. Oh, sure. Physically. Geographically. But never, ever, ever in our hearts.

This man…is my soul.

and he’s making 40 look goooooood honey.

Here are a few things for him to laugh about, as I send love across the miles.

I live alone again…

Austin moved out yesterday. I hope that his time here was what he needed. I think lessons were learned on both of our parts, about how to live with another human. I hope lessons were learned. Don’t let water leak into your room and not tell the owner for 4 hours. Dont put something on the wall that when you remove it it pulls off everthing down to the drywall.

Sigh.

I’ve had a three day weekend and honestly, it’s been super low key. No crazy parties, not much socializing. I did go out Saturday night with my high school friends. That is always amazing and grand. We laugh, we snicker, we talk about how young we all look. There’s always one who shows up and brings extra cranky. Eyeroll. And no one really gives them the attention they’re demanding so they leave early anyway!

Sunday, I got up and went to the store and made a meal to deliver to my favorite new parents Matt and Coleen. They brought Lil Palmer home this week…I made chicken creme cheese enchiladas, black beans/rice slurry, homemade salsa with fresh from the garden stuff, and a chocolate cake. It was awesome, when I took it over, their little house was FULL of family. All just sitting looking at the baby. I didn’t even try for holding time…there will be pleanty of that. I remember when the Wonderboys were born…we all just sat around and looked at them. It’s a very special time.

Anyways, the cooking heated up the house and it was 103 yesterday and beyond and so it just drained me. I was going to go out for a beer last night but got to feeling wonky, so just laid on the couch. In my empty house. and loved it.

Of course, the first night that Austin is gone, Sammy brings in a bird. I woke up to the sounds of bird murder around 5am…Gah. I just shut the door and put pillows over my head and went back to bed. Surprisingly, there wasn’t a huge mess this morning. We’re all trying to keep the house clean!

My chores today are laundry. I’ve already cleaned the kitchen. I’m watering the back right now…and downloading Mad Men on my iTunes. WHICH…let me just say, I think I totally F’d that up. I think I bought the HD season pass AND the normal D season pass. Fraggle Rock. Damnit. Still…not as much $ as cable for the length of the season. Chris, once I get these eps on my machine, can I burn them to a dvd?

I have some Frontier mowing to do today, just gotta figure out how to get my push mower out there. I dont think it’ll fit in my suv…Gotta figure that part out. Other than that, I may go to the pool today, I may just rest. I’m working on rest…

Yesterday my beloved Dion turned 40 years old. This is merely a shout out. I’m working on a proper Bday post for him later…