Misti Ridiculous

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about fear.

This week has been one of change.

The first week of the 14 day workout/diet/fat flush/kill me slowly starve me fast routine. Workouts every single day save last night when I couldn’t drive to bootcamp because the storm that came through had hurricane force winds that bent the trees ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND. And look. Let’s be honest. It’s not like I need any amount of discouragement to not workout on a good day, much less on day 4 when I feel like I’ve hit the wall. SO…I did some at home stuff, stretching, sitting up bla bla bla, and was back at it at 6am today. One more bootcamp tomorrow at 8:30 then two days off.

It’s been the first week of booking my own clients…that’s been weird. But my first week at Salon W is shaping up nicely. I had a good phone call with one of my new managers last night and got some details straight in my head. A few nice things…next week I get to sit in on their education class. Product Knowledge, which it’s a new line. I’ve used only TiGi or Loreal Professional. This salon uses Bumble&Bumble and perhaps a few others. Anyways I’ll get to work with and learn about that line before I start and that’s nice. Also…when I asked about my products to use on my clients I was told that for starting there, they would buy me the ENTIRE LINE of Bumble & Bumble to start out with. As well as my first set of business cards! It’s nice to know I’m not out that $ right off the bat. I’m really getting excited about this now…

So. fear? Where’s the fear, you say?

The working out place is 20-25 minutes away. So I have a drive. It’s where my head goes. Thinking time which I don’t have much off in day to day life.

Daily this week I’ve felt fear.

Fear of working out.
Fear of not being able to finish it
Fear of throwing up. (seriously)
Fear of seeming whiny.
Fear of being the fattest one in class.

Fear of starting something and then quitting.
Fear of failure.
Fear of freezing up.
Fear of the people in the new salon not liking me.
Fear of feeling left out.
Fear of financial losses.
Fear of forgetting major things in the transition.

And then I began wondering where all of the fear really comes from…what was the Original Fear that started the cycle…is there such a thing? Is there ONE FEAR, that if we reassured it with mounds and mounds of love and support, would it go away and we would be, for the most part, fearless in life? I started to peel back the layers. Well, I’m fearful of this because this happened. And that happened as a direct choice and result of this situation. Fear begat fear begat fear begat fear…until you’re at the root of it…

have you ever thought of this?

I wonder…if we all peeled back the layers of self protection and puffery and blustery loud that we wear…if we got right down to the one thing that we are the most scared of in our whole lives…and put it out there. All of us, put it out there in the middle of my back yard, one on top of another on top of another…

THEN SET IT ON FIRE!!!

I wonder how that would be? So..when you come across something in the street that stops you in your tracks this weekend, and you think, I’m scared of that…just put it in your pocket. Save it. We’ve got ourselves a bonfire in our future…

This is us. Burning up our fear and dancing in the moonlight.

So. Anyways. That’s what I’ve been thinking about. What about you? Thinking about a holiday weekend? Me too, gentle readers. Me FREAKIN TOO!!! Here’s a little ditty to carry us off into the day…

this is todays NFTU that I saw AFTER I posted. Too good not to share:

The ease of change, Misti, is directly proportional to one’s willingness to reconsider what’s best for themselves.

I say let it be easy -
The Universe
Because, Misti, when change comes it always means there’s something better.

Oh sweet Lord above I’m sore. And tired. I went to bed at 8:47 last night. and slept all the way till 7am. All I can tell you is I am doing it. Each day. And I really love my new protein drink. Vanilla. It does not suck.

Work is slow. Reaffirming why I didn’t quit and go boothrent this month…most of my clients are very supportive when I tell them of the change. Several of them have surprised me and seem to want some nasty story as to why I’m leaving. Is it human nature to seek the dirt instead of the light? Gah. There is no dirt. It’s time for a change. Period.

With each client that I prebook in my own scheduler to transfer to the new place, I have a little heartbreak and a lot of fear. I squelch it, mostly because I have to use my entire reserve of brain juice to make my legs work. I do, however, feel a major sit on the side of the tub and ugly cry meltdown coming my way…just be warned.

Yesterday in the private training session we did weights. I was happy for that. I feel like I’m dying with the cardio. I can feel every single cigarette that I’ve ever smoked. and I hate it. HATE IT. But about two circuits into the weights I realized it was a poor choice to be excited. And then when we ran sprints and jogged back…well God Bless PseudoSis3…Sometimes I feel like I hold everyone back because they don’t want me to run alone. And I do NOT have that competitive drive. I could give a shit if I’m last. The Presidential Physical Fitness Test taught me that lovely mindset. Fat Girl RUNNING!!! But she stayed with me, and wheezed right along side me. And we just look at each other deep in the eye with a look that says,”this is it. i’m dying. it’s been real. please take care of my body and don’t let the others step on me when they leave” —and yet, we walk out together. Living gimpily to see another day.

Guess what today is?

9-02-10

90210!!!!!

Let’s take a moment and remember one of my true loves, shall we?

one of my original bad boys

And my ONE TRUE LOVE…because it is LOVE THURSDAY…

He's been in bootcamp, too.

business cards
opening a business account at the bank
get teeth cleaned one last time before insurance leaves
change oil in car
plant rest of fall seeds in garden
keep up with food/calorie program
call new salon and set up another meeting re:boothrent/credit card use/products/booking appointments/education
referral cards/referral program for my new business
get estimate on new windows this week
write
write more

breathe.

day two.
caloric intake is good. I may have been a little over today because I bought some protein powder to make shakes/drinks for after the workouts. Lots of amino acids and if you drink one directly after workout then it replenishes the muscles and helps with the soreness. At least that’s what the drink selling dude told me and due to his total workout attire and you can do it attitude, I totally believe him. Bought a big ass thing of vanilla and two shakers. One for me and PseudoSis2. I would have never started this if it weren’t for her.

So. Today wasn’t bad soreness-wise. My quads hurt. Tomorrow maybe will be worse? or the same? I dunno. I took a muscle relaxer before bed last night…maybe another tonight…Small group private workout tomorrow at 9 with PseudoSis3. We can do anything for two weeks, right? And I do think…I do think this will motivate and jump start me into moving my body. Feeling better. A woman tonight was panting and sweating (no judgement, I was trying not to puke) and she said “why are we doing this?” I said so we can live longer. She replied,” and pay more taxes” and I said, “nope. go to more happy hours” because really…getting another day with family and friends..that’s what it’s all about.

and now if you’ll excuse me…it’s 9:41 and I have to go to bed. I’m worn out.

it was a crazy morning. I woke up tired, but got myself ready for the 8:30 workout. then ran late. then felt like I should just not go. then couldnt really find the place then showed up late and just dove in. I was about 10 minutes behind the other girls and I felt like I was going to vomit. Intense 30 minute circuit training then running suicides and the wheezing and the lack of lung capacity…(more on that area later)…and seriously. after I drove home I laid on the bed under the fan with Kikimama and after about 30 minutes I felt human. Woof.

But I’m glad I did it. I’ve already scheduled the rest of the weeks workouts. Tomorrow night bootcamp. Wed workout at 9am. Thursday night bootcamp. Friday morning 6am workout.

The 1300 calorie diet is ok. I’m not going to follow the one he gave us to the letter. I know about nutrition and calories and fat and sugars. I just don’t always utilize my knowledge. So. That’s what I’m doing.

Remember when I was wondering where my new shoes would take me?

I had some coffee and facetime with Mandrea. We measured her room and made a plan to do some work on Sunday. Painting the repairs and moving some stuff around. Now, I’m off to the pool with LT and FactoryGirl and PseudoSis2. Time to relax and soak up some Vitamin D.

Happy Monday, ya’ll.

1300 calories a day for 14 days
3 group sessions per week
2 boot camps per week

This is what I’m starting tomorrow. An intense kick start 14 day program I’m doing with my PseudoSisters. I’m scared and nervous and excited.

Tomorrow is my first workout at 8:30am, then meeting up with Mandrea to work on roommate stuff then hitting the pool.

Tonight it was grilled veggies for dinner and the Emmy Awards and trying to just relax.

Let me start by sharing a spam comment that popped up this morning when I signed on.

“may I write sex with you blog?”

I dont care who you are. Starting a Friday off with a request for sex, from mostly ANYONE, brings a smile to your face!

Yesterday was fine. I cried. Two of the three owners reacted perfectly with equal parts dismay and support. The other owner was an interesting mix of relief and one hundered percent douchebaggery. Affirmation anyone? yup.

I’m excited about the new adventure. I’m not good at all with endings, which is surprising considering how fabulous I am with beginnings.  But the bandaid has been ripped off…really no. I take that back. Very few of the girls, my co-workers, know that I’m leaving. That will be the last bandaid. I’m not going to do any big announcement…let it happen organically and just go with the flow.

Going to spend some time with Hawk and Co. tonight, work a bar shift tomorrow night and just roll on into the next phase.

Today’s Note From The Universe:

Sure, there have been surprises. Some, not so fun.

But you have to admit, Misti, with hindsight, moving forward was actually easy.

Something worth remembering,
The Universe

And there have been surprises, Misti, that suddenly changed your entire life for the better, and there will be many more. Jumanji, baby.

Much to report. However, I only have time to give you the bare bones.

Yesterday I had a successful almost 2 hour interview with a new salon. I will be moving my clientele October 1st and begin my business at a place called Salon W. The website is about to be overhauled, and the salon is in the midst of a complete facelift. More on all of this.

I gave my letter of resignation to my manager yesterday. This morning, after an “emergency meeting” called by one of the owners, I will give it to them. I want to maintain the utmost level of professionalism and make this transition with as much grace and dignity as is possible.

Yesterday, after I got the job, I called my mom and started bawling. The kind of cry with the panic induced huh-huh-huh breathing. Total meltdown. But she said the words that I know in my heart.

If this wasn’t part of my plan, it wouldn’t have happened. There would have been many roadblocks and frustrations. I am excited about this new chapter in my story…and scared shitless. True Story.

Right now, I have to go get ready so that I can make this happen. Last night, I dreamed that I woke up at 11am. That I slept right through the meeting and the resigning and all of it. However, one of the other owners did the same thing! Apparently we were camping as a company. I don’t know either, guys.

what I do know, is I’m nervous to resign and tell them. Endings are never really my favorite thing. But if the Universe can send me that goonie goo goo stuff way in the middle of the night before I ever see it…well I know that I can count on you to send me energy and strength today too.

jumangi, baby.

I awoke this morning to 67 degrees.

I know it’s temporary. I know it is. But it’s just enough to kick start my energy levels and prep me for “My Time”…I love the beginning of Fall. Even the last hanging on warm temps in September…love it.

I think because for me it’s The Beginning.

School starting, and I don’t care how old you are, there’s still something about that first day of school. The first weeks. Everything that comes along with it…Friday night lights. Mmmmm, football.

Have you seen this? Do you know that I have a deep seeded secret smokin hot crush on this fella? Welp. It’s out now. Sigh. Anyways, seriously. It IS 8 minutes long. But it’s a beautiful tribute to how fast life goes, how to grab onto the memories as they happen, how we are all tied by a single time of the year. Watch it when you have time.

New tv. Gawd, we all know how much I love new and old tv. I’m ready for Modern Family to return. Castle needs to come back. I’m super psyched about Hawaii 5-Oh.

This weather makes me want a pot of Santa Fe Soup that I can share with Smurf and we can watch football on Sunday together.

It’s the knock at the door that opens up to Fall Fest, the State Fair, Halloween, Birthdays, the first snow, time changes, hustle and bustle, being crazy and thankful…full zoom into the holidays.

And then everything goes ass over feet into Crazyville. But now…this…this is just the knock. The promise of what’s to come…the precipice of all things new…change coming in with the grace of a bulldozer.

This morning, however, I’m on my couch. I’m sipping a hot cup of coffee. I’m meditating on the day and what it will bring. I’m watching Kikimama chase an imaginary woobie. God, I hope she catches it. Whatever you’re doing this morning…I hope you take a little time to enjoy the precipice. To embrace what’s coming. And to have a little faith…that the precipice and what’s coming…is beautiful.

For the majority of the weekend, between chores, and gardening, and making the leftover hot dog buns into herbed bread crumbs for the freezer, I have treated myself to binging on the entire season of Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip.

When this show was on the air, I was faithful, as I am with all Sorkin productions…and as with all Sorkin productions (save West Wing) this show only lasted 22 episodes. Of which I’ve snorted 13 since Sunday.

I love these people. I love the writing. I love all of it…makes me happy. I’m already mourning that I only have 9 hours left…

I’ve got the trash bins out to the curb. Cram packed with leftover ceiling bits from the repairs last week. Plus my actual trash. Sheesh…

The weather here is practically Fall Perfect. Cool breeze and 78 degrees at 7:30 pm. I’ve got my doors open and almost want a long sleeve t-shirt.

after the oppressive heat, which don’t fool yourselves…it will rear it’s ugly head several more times before it really cools off, it’s a nice break.