Last night, I dreamed that Prince Harry and Prince William were my cousins. Two days before the wedding we were all hanging out eating some weird lobster soup at Classics and Prince Harry looked over at me and said, “You need a husband.”

My response was, “well when you ride your little horsey up to that big church, you look around for someone and take a picture of him and send it to me.” He had an iPhone with cool photo apps.

The main thing that told me this was a dream wasn’t that I was hanging out with my cousin the Prince…but that I wasn’t pissed about not being invited to the wedding.

Seriously.

 

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Wide awake. Tossing and turning, knowing I would pay for it today. I wasn’t even really sleepy. Just awake. Of course, I finally dozed off about the time the alarms started going off.

This morning I woke up feeling defeated and negative. I felt anxious about the impending end of Job 2 and what that will mean for me financially. I felt anxious and worried about the taxes and monies owed for my quarterly payment. And back to defeated.

But I remember, Thoughts Become Things. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

So. Today I’m thinking about:

Easy taxes and easily paying my payments.

Money coming in with the salon and wedding gigs enough to live and pay bills.

Getting back to working out and feeling better.

 

What are you thinking about today?

 

I fired up the grill for the first time tonight.  Cheeseburgers and grilled sweet potatoes. SO GOOD! It was the treat I wanted after a day of dealing with taxes and numbers and figuring out what I’m going to owe for self employment taxes this quarter. Receipts kept, some needed, most not needed. While I will have to pay somewhere in the 200-300 dollar range for this education, I’m doing my best to not freak out about it.

The thought of dealing with self employment taxes is enough to send me to get a “real job” –fight or flight response–and yes then my brain takes over and instead of swollowing the entire thing at once, I start taking itty bitty bites and I think it’s something I can do. A means to an end.

Dealing with money has never been my strong suit. It makes me doubt everything, but at the top of that list is myself. I doubt my intellect. I doubt my decisions. I doubt my choices for the future. It’s one of my most dysfunctional relationships…the one I have with money.

I have never ever had a good relationship with money. My parents had their own dysfunction. My dad could buy 400 dollar alligator boots, but if we spent 150 at Fashion Gal, shit hit the fan. We would sneak packages in. I would race home to get the mail before he saw the bills. Spending was something that, while it seems I can do it well, I don’t do it on myself much. New clothes, new anything…always bought with guilt. I’m sure it trickles down, doesn’t everything?

At the beginning of the year my goal was to do the Dave Ramsey thing and get out of debt. Austerity plan and all that. Right now, I’m just staying above water. It’s exhausting. Mentally draining. As if there’s a cloud hanging over me at every turn. I’m sick of it.

Wrapping my head around this whole way of life, taxes, expences, book keeping, staying on top and even ahead of the game…it’s a lot. I just don’t want to do that work all the time. I look forward to a time and a job where I won’t have to. People do it everyday, so until then I will figure it out.

Meanwhile, I’ve given all of my information to my CPA, my return will be filed and figured soon. I have to gather totals of payments from Job 2 and I’ll send that info to her for my quarterly payments…and it’ll be done. Onwards and upwards. Right?

What a night! Amid ridiculous Oklahoma gusts of wind, the redhead married his girl. The ceremony and reception were outside so seriously, that wind? Killer. Blowing flowers and centerpieces all over kingdom come. But we gathered to support Spencer and Carri and that, I think, we did in fine style. All of the comics were there. Out of towners, locals, all of us hanging out, catching up, cracking up…it was fabulous. I was so so so excited to get time with Abby. I kept saying over and over “in my head we get to just hang out every Saturday whenever we want!”

I prolly kept saying it over and over because I was a little tipsy. The wine was flowing in great gulping glasses and I was having fun, we all were just enjoying being together…I should have quit before that last glass. Hindsight.

After the bride and groom drove off to start their new life, and all the sparklers were put out we decided to go sing some karaoke. Gathering our stuff, we headed out. The horrible gusting winds, the fabulous high heels I had yet to take off, the parking lot that was a steep decline combined with that flowing wine helped me take a stumble and fall flat on my face.

Literally. On my face. I have a huge knot and scrape and bruise above my left eye. Bless Brad’s heart he helped me up, got my fabulous lip gloss that flew out of my purse. Sheesh. It was painful. I was bleeding. Today however, today I’m so stiff and sore. Muscles ache. So sleepy I kept dozing all day and I wondered if I may have concussed myself a little bit…woof. Leave it to me. Grace and dignity all the way.

I am finally, this evening, gathering the tax info. Tomorrow morning I go take my stuff to my person. I’m sure we’ll have to file an extension so I’m just not going crazy tonight. Gathering reciepts. Making a list of questions. We’ll just go from there. I cannot worry about what I don’t know, or can’t control. My person knows how to do this and will help me. (this is my mantra)

Ok. I’m going to get off of here and go back to work. The Judd’s tv show is on (of course I’ve been sucked into it. I am shameless) and Kikimama is keeping me company. I want it to get finished and be over because even though I’ve slept all day, I’m still tired and can’t wait to go to bed.

Hope your Sunday has been blessed.

What an amazing night last night with my girls Caro, Barb, Nan and M’Lynn. Caro and I devised a plan for an Asian Themed Dinner Party. We went to our big giant asian market and got crazy inspired. I made chicken vermacelli bowls, we had spring rolls, edamame and dumplings. Audra made the most glorious purple velvet creme cheese cake for us that just blew everyone’s socks off. We had cocktails. We had surprises. We sat outside and yawned and laughed and talked and talked. We made plans to reconvene in a few weeks.

I was home (to an 80 degree house. gah. turned that a/c on in a hurry!) and exhausted and slept through the night. I’m ready for more sleep. But am up, coffee’d and pancake’d and ready to bang some hair.

Tonight is another special night. Spencer’s getting married! Huzzuah! I’m so excited to see Abby and Seth and have a fun night launching the redhead into this next journey. I’ve got the dress and the shoes and am ready for it.

Hope your Saturday is full of fun. If it’s full of work, I hope fun is quickly on it’s way.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Not a wink nor a snooze nor a snore. I tossed. I turned. I was bright eyed and alert…just couldn’t sleep. My mind wasn’t doing the racing stressed out lists that are usually a part of a bad nights sleep. I was just….awake.

Other than that, it was a lovely evening. Lynn and I did some power shopping for tomorrow’s wedding. I finalized plans on the dinner party I’m co-hosting tonight at Caro’s house. This is a busy weekend, the week has flown by…almost dying a horrible death at the beginning of the week does that I suppose.

I love that the springtime gardening commercials are on tv right now. It’s a lot of work out in that yard awaiting me. Raking of the leaves. Mowing the weeds down. Throwing out some stuff and watering it in. I want to set up my second gardening box and fill it, but I haven’t decided what to plant just yet. Tomatoes for sure, perhaps some peppers and okra. That’s probably all I have room for…I may try pumpkins again. Who knows! I also need a day with a chain saw to cut up the tree trunk back there. That’ll open up some more sunshiny space as well as create firewood for the fire pit!

I got a thing in the mail yesterday for one of our local vo-tech schools. All of their classes that they’re offering and the details and cost. I’m most definitely going to take the sushi making class. It’s only one night. What fun! There’s several geared to home improvement for women. Basic plumbing and electrical, but I’ve got such a great guy that I’m really not that interested in that. And electrical stuff scares the crap out of me. No go there. HOWEVER, there is one that teaches you how to build a deck! Build a DECK! Wouldn’t that just be grand? a nice deck out there? I’m thinking about it.

 

There’s been some upheaval at Job 2. My time there could be coming to a close…it’s time to start looking and feeling about. I’ve got a bit of experience under my belt, so I’m hoping that I can find something. That’s also one of my things I’m thinking about.

Today looks to be promising and hot. 90 degrees here in the plains. Time to find something flouncy to wear while I bang the hair.

Happy Friday ya’ll.

 

I am a work in progress.

I feel like there are parts of my brain that are so developed and in touch with the wonders of the Universe…parts that are fully formed and connected with the energy of life and love…parts that can empathize and feel with a heart slightly larger than others. There are parts of this brain that go so fast the thoughts are formed in another time and place. Pain is fresher and more pronounced and the healing laughter rings with the clarity of a thousand bells. Strength is drawn from the best of the best, a tribe so strong that it weathers the fiercest of storms. This side of my brain knows where to go for support and to reboot and shift and refocus. This side of my brain understands what it is to surround yourself with light and to give yourself permission to just believe. It knows how to recognize the darkness in the world and to seek out the beauty. This side of my brain is a little bit pychic and witchy because it’s so in tune with the energy of the Universe.

 

The other side of my brain looks like this:

So.

Here I go again. Thoughts Become Things! Today I’m thinking about:

Easy breezy taxes and money situation settled.

Perfectly flattering (both physically and monitarily) dress for the weekend.

House projects paid for and finished.

Breezy acceptance into grad school.

Maintaining thinking good thoughts.

 

What about today? Now what are you thinking about? I’m going to work this daily. I talk it a lot. I preach it to my clients. Postive thoughts. We manifest that which we think about (Thanks Bonusmom for teaching me that all of these years) and man can I preach it. I’m good with an audience and I’m good at lifting people up with words because I believe them too.

Walking the walk is…well apparently I’ve been walking backwards.

Today though…today I turn around and walk forward.

Thoughts become things.

talk the talk. walk the walk.

Giddyup!

I’ve made the first two steps towards getting the tax and money stuff handled. I made an appointment for Monday with my tax person. (Bonusmom’s taxperson actually)

I came home tonight from my first full day back (full day both jobs) and did some chores, and attacked the piles of paper in the back room. Recycled and tossed a gob, and now it’s down to two stacks. I shall go through said stacks tomorrow and file everything away.

I need to make a spreadsheet for expenses bla bla bla attach recipts bla bla bla. I can do that now with my new software (shoutout to Lynn!) That shall happen sometime between now and Monday at 10:30 when I leave for my appointment.

Tomorrow after work I have to go find something to wear to Spencer’s wedding. It never works out when I go looking for someting specific…so we’ll see.

Thoughts Become Things. I’m thinking about finished and not scary taxes, finished house projects, easy grad school entry, and a dress to wear saturday.

What are you thinking about?

 

I put out our new big recycle bin today, full of recycling!

It was picked up and emptied!

RECYCLING DAY IS TOMORROW!

reboot.

I’m alive.

I’ve slept all day long, guilt free. I feel better. I’m going to change the sheets, and disinfect the house (roommate has taken to her boyfriends house the last two nights) and get ready for this week. . . two days late.

Thanks for all the well wishes. Man…that was horrible. So so so horrible. I hope you don’t get any part of it.