I slept last night. Not entirely without some ick, but I got up and rubbed some icy/hot on my back and went right back to sleep. When the alarm went off, Kikimama, Sam and I were one jigsaw puzzle of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ’s. That hasn’t happened in weeks.

Today, I will go to work and bang some hair on some of my favorite people, leave in the mid afternoon, run some errands, and come home to finish the packing and house details. At about 5:45 I will climb in the car and head west on a fabulous adventure, ending in Taos where I will meet friends from other states and we shall laugh and cry and see in person this incredible support that we have felt over the airwaves over the years.

I am thankful for so many things this morning. This coffee is damned good. The sleep was a beautiful thing. My back is lessening in stress due to my chiro who is working his magic on me daily. I’m thankful for this trip with these fabulous people. We all are bringing something to the circle…stresses of life, moves, jobs, school, bills, children, broken bits of everything…but this week we’re going to throw it all away. We will escape with each other into a place of magic and grapefruit margaritas and green chile and extreme levels of ridiculousness.

I’m so ready for that.

I’m also thankful from the bottom of my heart for Laura, who will be house sitting while I’m away. Caring for the livestock, fresh water, and litter box and garden and flowers and the general well being of Brokedown Palace isn’t a glam job. There is such a sense of relief for me to know that someone will be here.

I’m mentally checking off my list, packing my homework and books, getting the sheets changed on the beds, and I am giddy.

Those are the exact feelings one is supposed to feel on Friday the 13th, right?

 

I woke up at about 5am this morning and decided to just get up. My back was hurting, the light on my newly re-wired/hooked up bedroom tv has a light that is constantly on and that had bothered me all night long and I was just uncomfortable. My mind was just insane.

So, as I’ve been getting into the habit, instead of forcing rest, I just get up. I put a towel over the tv. I found some muscle rub and thought to myself “holy hell. you’re using old people creme on your back” and did some stretching. I laid back down for just a bit, and while I had soothed the lighting situation, and the creme turned my back pain into a smelly menthol bliss, my brain was still doing it’s Thunderdome impersonation.

I started checking off the list.

What’s wrong?

I’ve got to go to the bank this morning and get my insurance check dealt with.

I’ve got to get to the campus before 5 and pay my tuition and return library books.

I’ve still got some laundry to finish and the kitchen floor to clean and new sheets on my bed and another two homework assignments to post before I leave on Friday.

Laura is coming by tonight to get the lay of the land before she house-sits for me. Make list of quirky things about the house so her stay is easy.

Pay JT for roof before I leave. (that can happen when we pick up Mindi on Friday night.)

Find someone/find time myself/to mow yard. (this is happening as I type! YAY!)

Now, none of these things are life threatening. Several are, in fact, pieces of good news, projects being completed, i.e. the new roof! Summer school paid for! Two major things that I don’t have to worry about anymore. The other things, will be finished before tomorrow night. Everything will be fine. Taking the time to think things through, piece by piece, to untangle the web of voices, made things easier. I’m still making forward motion, and that’s a win in my book.

One car length a head, just a mile or two faster.

Forward motion.

My roof is being repaired/replaced as I type.

It sounds as if the wrath of God is upon us, everytime a load of shingles drops. Kikimama may well have peed herself a few times. I’m excited that it’s taking place. I’ve got a call in to another contractor to line up the rest of the work.

Laundry is going, dishes are washing. I’m finished with my morning internet/coffee/breakfasting so it’s time to attack The List. Must take a few things to the cleaners and I get fresh hair this afternoon and must carve some time to write and post homework assignments.

Also…if you’re not watching The Newsroom, you’re missing some perfectly perfect Sorkineese.

Do you ever get that clogged up feeling? (no. ew. not THAT clogged up feeling…but yeah, that too)

When there are so many things you’ve got to do, so many things that must be taken care of, and you just feel like drowning?

Clogged.

My car is filthy. My window is still covered in plastic. I have yet to procure a contractor to fix my house. My taxes are still “on extension.” My homework is waiting, and piling up from the holiday/family weekend. My house is dirty.

Lord. Too much. Sometimes it just feels like too much.

Too much started manifesting itself in my lower back about two weeks ago. It came to fruition in the form of an evil spirit living in my body, stealing my sleep, cramping my muscles, clouding my brain.

Sister time helped this weekend. Because I am always one hundred percent authentic and honest with her. She loves me anyway, right? So just getting some time with her was therapy. She looks amazing. Her hard work has paid off and she is just gorgeous, and while shopping with her is enough to force my eating disorder to rear it’s ugly head, I would never take that away. She’s awesome. And inspiring for me to do better, be better, get shit marked off that godforsaken list. As usual, I wish we lived closer. We are the perfect combination.

I went and got a massage this afternoon after they all went back to Arkansas. After that, I drove directly to my chiropractor’s office.

I then went to the store and bought a watermelon, enough salad stuff for the week, and catfood to last through my trip.

I feel like a whole new person.

Cleared.

It seems that once that happened, things started falling into place. I got the quote for my roof, and it’s perfect. Now I can call and line up the rest of the work for my house. Tonight I’m going to post homework and get caught up. Tomorrow is more getting ready for my trip and getting my hair done.

This time next week I’ll have been white water rafting on the Rio Grande.

Life is good…really it is.

Do you ever get the let down after a holiday? I do. Specifically July 5th is my day. I always feel as if I didn’t do it well enough.

Growing up, it was the best holiday. There was rarely any fighting between the parents, we had cookouts and homemade ice cream and firecrackers and at the end of the night we would wind up on a tailgate, or in someone’s lap as we gazed up into the summer night and oooh’d and aaaaah’d at the beautiful fireworks display.

I love fireworks. I love the lights. I love all of it.

Each year I get close…I manage to find some friends and a hot dog. I usually get some sunshine and vitamin D on my skin by floating on some water of some sorts. It seems though, each year, this favorite of my holidays has turned from a really fun, soul filling event, into a reminder of…a time and family gone by. It leaves me sad more than full of happy.

It’s been this way for years. There for awhile it was fun. We were floating the river. Or I had my own family to feed and nurture. Or we were gathering together on the Frontier. But things change.

I don’t know. I think it’s a normal phenomonon. The post holiday let down. I don’t know how common it is to be on July 5th. Have you ever felt it? Do you know what I’m talking about?

The best thing to do is gear back up to go to the salon and bang some hair, to get more reading and writing finished and posted online for my class. I’m excited to see my family this weekend, they arrive Friday. Then the next weekend is Taos. July is gearing up with lots of family and friends, just as summertime should be.

So, I’ll just take this tiny moment of weird loneliness. I’ll take it and feel it and then bless it and let it go.

Who has time to dwell?

July.

Mortgage and most of the bills are paid.

We, Kikimama, Stormy, Sammy and I, are collectively broke ass for awhile.

There’s food in the pantry. Gas in the car. There’s crunchy and moist food for the livestock and toilet paper in the bathroom. Taos money is saved and tucked away as is money for San Diego trip. There are bartending shifts on the calendar for after Taos.

But folks…it’s some slim pickins around Brokedown Palace until August when student loans come through.

School officially begins today. I’ve got to sit down, turn off everything and start reading.

I need to get my taxes together and turned in. Yeah. I know. I filed an extension and planned to do it in June when my life…what? What did I think my life was going to do in June? But yeah. I’ve got to do that, figure out what I owe, start paying on that when the student loans arrive. It’s a Peter/Paul situation over here in that area. I’ve got to make a time to go to campus and talk about money. I have no idea how I’m going to pay for this summer’s classes. I’m going to have to just squeeze it with bits paid here and there until my money for the fall comes along…sigh. Everything is riding on that it seems.

And it’s been making me crazy for weeks. Months.

I’m also trying to get some people to freakin call me back in regards to upkeep and repairs on my house. I got some numbers from Darci’s guy…to replace the entire window, the whole thing mind you, one window was $528.00–that seems insane to me.

I’ve got to get another guy out here to look at it. More than likely I’m going to have to go back to the insurance company and say, I’ve had people out to look, there’s more damage than you gave me money for, bla bla bla.

Also, I fired my lawn guy this past week. Did I tell you that already? He weedeated my flowerbeds. The plants that I was growing from seed…he killed them. Not the REAL WEEDS mind you, just the ones I had planted. He’s an idiot. So I have to find someone else now, which won’t be hard but…one more thing.

I can’t tell you how frustrating it is. But maybe you know. Because I’ve been whining about it for awhile now.

Cindy is in NYC this week. I’m so excited for her, and partly jealous as well. I miss the city. I miss Kizz and Talaura. I know this trip holds a lot for her. It was a trip that she and Chris had been planning…4th of July, Lady Liberty…I’m so glad she went. I’m so glad she’s there. I’m so glad that she knows Kizz and has double the love to wrap herself in.

July. July Second to be exact.

Princess Diana would have been 51 years old yesterday.

I enjoy a good Sunday night.

It doesn’t hold the same impending sense of doom that it does for you Normals, because my job/school schedule is so different.

Sunday nights have always been my Saturday nights. A night to go out. Or a whole day to commit debauchery and or sloth like behaviors with no ramifications of work the next day.

This is my final weekend of freedom.

It’s not that bad, it’s just the last weekend without classes, without company or travel or working until August. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for all of the upcoming events on my calendar…but there’s something about a free weekend with no boundaries.

I had planned to spend the day at the Grey Garden’s Pool with my PseudoFam. I slept the  whole day away.

I had a lot of fun with Becks and Ringo and Mike last night. Mike and I stayed up listening to music…mmmm…it was close to 5am when we threw in the towel. So…my plans for today went bye bye as I crashed in my dark bedroom with the fans on me. It felt glorious.

I hate that I missed Sunday Funday.

I have a slight sense of impending doom because class officially begins tomorrow. I’ve got to read Joy Luck Club and write a 250 word response each day. It’ll be fine. But putting my brain back into the school mode…oy.

But it’s Sunday night. I’ve called a pizza. My stories are on tonight and I’m uber excited for the second installment of Newsroom. I’m watering the garden, you should see how pretty it is! The yellow squash is crazy! Peppers galore! Hopefully it will continue to produce.

maybe I’ll run the vacuum before the pizza guy arrives. seems like I should actually DO something productive today…

or maybe I’ll just keep watching the Olympic trials. I’m pretty good at that.

also, I’m looking for a good cornbread salad recipe.

Anyone out there have one?

Summer is officially here in Oklahoma.

I say that because the most perfect times of the day are from 5 am until about 8am. Clear skys, beautiful temps (mild 70s) the birds are chirping because they haven’t stroked out from the heat or been caught by my cats, yet. The cats are skipping about. The garden looks so lush and green. I’ve got peppers galore, more squash on it’s way, a rosemary bush that is a sight to behold. My tomatos have yet to start producing. I hear other people are already harvesting. I just think maybe I dont have the tomato growing gene. But we’ll see.

My yard guy ruint my flowerbeds. I had decided to just plant a bunch of four o’clock seeds and bless it and let it all go natural. Someday I’ll be able to really landscape. Time. Energy. But until then, I love four o’clocks. I’d been watching the little baby plants come up, get stronger each and every day…then WHACK. It was a scene from Goodfellas. I was so pissed. Front and back. It’s what I get for hiring some shifty kid from the bar who’s giving me a $25 deal. I’ll be looking for a new lawn service in two weeks. I’m willing to throw another five or ten spot in order to maintain what plantings I’ve still got living.

But on the bright side…I sure do love a freshly mowed lawn. Edged, clean. I love it. I also love not doing it myself. It’s one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself this summer.

Yesterday I slept late…did I tell you I finally moved back to my bed? After the storm that broke out my bedroom window I moved into the guest room. I stayed for probably a month I guess. Mostly just lazy reasons. But I wasn’t sleeping. That room is SO BRIGHT. My room is blessedly, purposefully dark. My bed is squishy and wonderful. That bed is also wonderful but I missed mine. Plus, the frame it’s on isn’t locked so everytime I rolled over (often) the entire bed rolled with me. It was like being on a boat ride at an amusement park. I was not amused. SO, I got my shop vac, and my winterizing tools out and covered the inside of the window with thermal plastic like I do in the winter. Shop-vac’d all the bits of glass. Moved out a janky floor lamp. Viola! I’m still waiting on people to get back to me on repairs. I’ve been fielding calls from a contractor who is eager to help…if the other two I’ve approached keep pushing me back, or just not returning my calls, I’m going to ditch them and go with the eager to help guy. Such a pain in the ass.

Oh yeah, slept late. I did go to the pool for a bit. Macie and I hit up Grey Gardens for really, just a few hours. That’s about all we could stand. I got a bit of sun. Went out to Eischen’s for chicken with my second family. We were celebrating the engagement of one of our friends. By the time I was ready for bed last night I looked like a day-glo shirt from the 80’s. It’s better today.

I’m just really enjoying this last week before class. There are things…financial, paperwork kind of things that I have been ignoring. I’d really love the strength to get through those projects this afternoon. I’ve got some late morning appointments so that’s good.

Have you been watching this whole Today Show debacle play out online? Ann Curry is apparently ousted. The debate as to when, how, who’s replacing her has been burning up the air this week. I’m completely, for years, a Today Show watcher, so this is on my radar. I’ve never thought her a strong enough interviewer or charismatic enough personality to hold the anchor chair. I just haven’t. She’s the perfect sidekick. She does great international reporting. She’s part of the team, but not the team leader. I’ve met her before, standing outside the show and a nicer person couldn’t be found. I just don’t think she’s got the chutzpah to hold the anchor. NBC, apparently feels the same way. She’ll be fully compensated, and will be given a position in the company, so I don’t feel too too badly for her. Personally, I’d like it done and over with before they start covering the Olympics.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE OLYMPICS!!!!!

We’re in and over the 100’s for the next 7 days. Wherever you are, hope you’re staying cool.

This is my final week of summer break. Classes begin July 2nd. I’m kind of sad. I’ve fully embraced the art of living class free. But my brain is ready. I need to get back into the game.

This week has turned off hot here. Triple digit, break your back, take your breath, melt your a/c unit kind of heat. The only things that get done are early in the morning, when it’s a mild 80. The words HEAT DOME have been uttered. It’s officially Summer. Time to slow it down, find a pool, eat cold foods and make it through.

The cats are usually found camped out under my ceiling fan on the bed, or on a piece of cold kitchen tile. I’ve had a long afternoon nap almost daily since Sunday. I’m ok with it all.

I think it’s ok to slow it down a bit. Take a nap or five. Eat some fruit. I’m not mad about it at all.

I’d like to tell you about my Saturday. It was perhaps, one of the most soul filling, life affirming days I’ve had in awhile.

But you need some back story first.

Once upon a time, a handful of years ago, a tall red headed comic walked into the salon I was working at and was randomly given to me as a client. I’ve written of Spencer before, he’s one of my favorite humans. He’s a comic, among other things, and introduced me to this lovely group of local comics who performed regularly in the OKC Metro.

Well, as you know very well, I’m a damned good fan. When I’m supporting, I am ALL IN. So I became a regular at these events, and eventually got to know the group, and became friends with them.

One of those new friends was named Seth.

Seth is all things we girls look for and want.

He’s smart. He’s good to look at. He’s funny as hell, and his funny is dry and sneaky, and also smart. He can talk Buffy episodes as easily as he can talk politics. He wrote a coloring book about his colon. He is good and kind, and no one’s pushover despite the fact that he eats fake cheese. He’s the first Vegan I ever met.

In his life, he was looking for love…not in the country song kind of way, or even the Buckwheat Wookin Pa Nub kind of way…yet he was looking.

Who he found (or who found him) was a Jersey girl named Abby,  who had been working for Teach For America, who had lived and worked in big cities on the other side of the map, who is all things bright and beautiful, and as sweet as she is salty. The perfect combination of Martha Stewart and Sara Silverman, in that she’ll bake you a fabulous cupcake while zinging you with a wit that is just as sharp as her beau’s.  She had decided to cast her net wide, to forgo the “practical” location boundaries and just see what she could see.

She saw Seth.

Seth saw Abby.

Providence smiled upon them, opened up job opportunities for Seth, and cleared the path for this couple to be.

Abby and I became friends over the interwebs before we ever met face to face. She reached out to me during a time when I was just failing–flailing in messy emotion. She saw a kindred spirit and we immediately clicked. I finally met her when I went to NYC to surprise Kizz for her 40th birthday. I’d seen Seth that previous holiday season, when he and his brother came to my house for a Friend-Mas Festival. We cooked up the idea that night. “You should come to NYC for the party. I’m telling some jokes.” –“I TOTALY SHOULD”

It was as if we’d known each other forever. As the three of us walked along the snow covered sidewalks after the party, chatting it up, sentences overlapping each other like a perfect layered desert, I knew two things.

1) This couple was an example of what a couple should be. Nothing is easy or perfect or fun all the time. But these two people have the skills, and the desire and the absolute admiration for each other that it takes to navigate all the funk.

2) I had met a forever friend. A soul-sister.

————————————————————————————————–

That was three years ago.

We’ve had face time since then. We’ve celebrated holidays, weddings of our friends, events and engagement photo sessions. My trips there, celebrating my 40th.

Saturday we gathered to celebrate their wedding.

The day began with my searching all over the 10th floor for the Rock Star Suite. Hauling my supplies, wondering around with just the nervous voices in my head for company…our sweet bride was a little “lexic” when giving me the room number. Girl must have had something else on her mind! I did find it, we hugged, we had a mimosa, then I began banging hair. The suite soon filled up with voice after voice wishing her well.

“How are you feeling?”

“Can I get you something to eat?”

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“How are you feeling?”

She was surrounded by love.

And hairspray.

What more could a bride want?

Five hours later, many heads of hair had been banged, a few tears had been shed, fabulous presents had been unwrapped and promptly left in the suite (I’m an idiot. Who leaves behind the entire series of Friday Night Lights as well as the first season of Parenthood??? An idiot. That’s who.) Laughter was ringing out, mixing with oooh’s and aaah’s of admiration once the bride was assembled.

She was stunning.

The epitome of grace, of style, of sexy va va voom.

I took just three pictures all day, and was so completely present and involved with the festivities that I didn’t even think about it the rest of the day.

————————————————————————————————-

The ceremony was beautiful. I met the girls in their “holding room” which was hotter than ass. Seriously. That was a facility fail. No one puts women and brides in a hot room after they’ve been outside in 90 degree heat taking photos. Lord. Last minute pinning, spraying, juzzgghhhing and I was off to find my place in the audience among my friends.

Tears. I cried more than five tears. The reading of Piglet and Pooh broke me. When one of the ministers asked for a quiet moment to meditate on the couple at the front, I had to bite my lip in order to not make noise.

I felt such happiness for them. It was such an honor to be asked to be a part of this day, to be a witness to this love, and this life. I could cry again. Lord.

The party that happened afterwards was perhaps one of the best things I’ve ever been to. And I see a wedding every single weekend. Surrounded by Dan and Derek and Spencer and Carri and Anthony and Jenelle…we danced and laughed and soaked up all the love.

It took place at the Oklahoma History Center.  The view was spectacular as the sun was setting, the Capitol in the background. Lovely. The catering was by Cheever’s. Delicious. The wine and special homemade brew were flowing, as well as a delightful gin cocktail that had cucumbers and something else in it. I need to know what that was. Slurp. We danced and sang karaoke and were given the gift of life in a box of flip flops to wear the rest of the night. Go. Pick your size. Take off your Kate Middleton shoes and be free. The 7 or more cakes were cut, devoured and just when the sugar high was ending, the Big Truck Taco truck pulled up outside with ice cold Pop’s pop and fed us again.

There was also a wall full of wedding photos and the wedding date. From 1970 to 2012, friends, family all showcased in their love and wedded bliss. There was a message from Seth and Abby posted in the middle. Commentary on their beliefs for their marriage, their belief in marriage equality, and just a lovely way to show their heart’s passion.

The evening ended at the hotel bar, where we took the bartenders by surprise. A lot of laughing. A lot of toasting. Oh, and Alice Cooper was checking in. Yes. That Alice Cooper. Seth got a photo and a handshake I believe.

I hugged and kissed the bride and groom, and checked out about 1:00 a.m. The rest of the bridal party was walking down the street to another hotel. Squeezing one more hour out of the party. As I watched them, my brain wanting to join, my body screaming for Spanx relief, I saw Seth and Abby holding hands, leading the charge.

As they walked away, the lights of downtown glowing around them, I knew I had been a part of something special, and  I knew that I’d follow them anywhere because if anyone could lead us to Happily Ever After…

It’s Seth and Abby.

 

*1333 is the mileage from OKC to NYC.