This is generally where I go back through the year’s posts and take a look at what it brought us, where it took us, and where it’s leading us. I still might do just that but for the most part, 2011 was a year of change around here.

That Grad School Thing became a reality. Navigating school and work and bills and litter boxes and friends was quite a row to hoe. But as I paid my mortgage payment yesterday I said my monthly mantra…”we can stay here one more month!”

My friends had a lot to take in this year, transplanting to another state, buying a business, turning 40, dealing with dating again after a time on the bench, illness and recovery, marriages dissolving, relationships resolving. Children are growing older, so are parents. We’ve lost some of both this year. Heartbreak and sadness are balanced with the joy of birthdays and milestones reached.

The world keeps spinning, the politics divide and unite, we run the race set out before us but with each day we know a universal truth:

That race is so much easier with cheerleaders like you. You with your Hooray’s and your clapping and cheering. You with your YOU CAN DO THIS and your gentle nudging and pushing. You with your smile, quick and fleeting that says a thousand words.

One foot forward.

Just a mile or two faster…just a car length ahead.

Forward Motion.

Won’t it be exciting to see where it takes us in 2012?

So much going on!

My house is finally clean. I got some face time with Chris, Cindy and Talaura. Audra bought her restaurant. I had the gorgeous day today off of work, to De-Christmas my house and take a stab at my laundry.

It feels good. Relief.

The weekend…New Years Eve…dude.

How the hell can that be here already???

What are your plans? I’m laying low. Watching the Thunder game and calling it a night. I’m having my annual NYDay open house, so I’ve got things to do.

Meanwhile, I’m heading out to get some groceries for my house, something that is NOT a cracker or cheese or starch, and I’m meeting a friend who’s hooking me up with Season 4 of Breaking Bad. That…THAT makes me super duper happy.

How are you spending the final moments of 2011?

My house is a wreck. Christmas is still up, and yet to be unpacked from my trip. Laundry is piled. The fridge is empty. Im having people to my house on New Years Day as usual and I’ve got a full day of banging hair today.

Sheesh.

Tomorrow night is the OU Bowl game, and I think I’ll stay home and clean while I watch. Saturday is NYE and I’m not going out, just going to watch the Thunder game with Scott and Becky and then come home. People will come over on Sunday for nosh and mimosas and that will be fine as far as celebration goes…

Im tired. I want my house in order. I want some sleep that doesn’t have a “to do” list hinged to it.

All in due time.

What I am excited about is seeing faces I haven’t seen. Cindy is on my book today at work, Talaura is coming over tonight. It’s been way too long. Time to refill on them!

Bless this mess. . . and let it go, right?

 

Did you survive?

Was it painful? Joyous? Overloaded with faces? Lonely?

Either way, it’s over.

Another day. Turn the page…

Facebook was full of wishes for a good day, statements of blessings observed, and a certain elf’s demise. Photos of gifts, of wrapping paper strewn about, of new dogs and shiny iPads and smiling faces. Shiny diamonds and newly made promises of forever love float around the atmosphere.

All of the tinsel added a little shine to a day, where there are empty hearts, missing loved ones, lonely aching for a wish to come true and it’s nice to think that the world had so much joy for a time. Lots of blessings.

We woke up here today a little drowsy, a little cranky, a little tinsel’d out.  Time to shift focus, prepare for another celebration with more fractured family trees, move forward…one car length ahead, a mile or two faster.

But before I get in the shower and clean my nephews pee off of my legs, I think I’ll sit here and watch them play in the living room floor. I’ll have another cup of coffee and watch some Band of Brothers on the tv. I’ll see Buzz Lightyear save the day…again. And I will remind myself that nothing is forever…every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.

 

There’s much said about the hustle and bustle and busy, frenetic energy that abounds this time of year. Holiday parties, friends and co-workers and Secret Santas occupy our days and nights. Fractured family trees, branches scattered across the county lines, are all trying to reconnect. Christmas cards with faces of love on them fill the mail box. Snowmen that sparkle in the night and twinkle lights outline homes on streets in cities, giving off a nice warm glow. It’s magical.

But there is also something to be said about the quiet, murky loneliness that can creep up, seep in, suffocate. It’s not dressed in a bright red suit, but it’s there. Palpable. With the strength of day old coffee, it enters your bloodstream. Crawls under the covers and lies with you, lies on you, weighty, solid.

It’s not a John Hughes angst, per se. It’s subtle. Simple things like the whispered wish for a reason to hang Christmas stockings next year, or the desire for a Facebook status that includes hearts, or just the sound of other voices living in the house…simple things like that can take on a life of their own this time of year.

It’s hard.

It’s hard to juggle the joy and love during a time of year that will, without fail, peel the scab off of a wound long thought healed.

Blessings come, however, in all shapes and sizes. With the words of friends still unmet, there is understanding. With immediate offers of love and laughter and pizza and wine, there is support, unending, without judgement. Tables full of faces known for years, for months, for minutes bring back the warmth and reaffirm that life is full of light.  Laughter. Unending, tears, screams, pearl clutching seizures of laughter…it’s better than a gilded sword of battle. It fights off the lonely. It fills up the empty.

I am overflowing. My heart, with all of it’s scar tissue and scabs and empty wishes…is full.

I hope your holiday weekend is full of warmth, full of light, and that you’re filled with enough love to fight back, stand firm and believe in a little magic.

I ended the evening with girl talk and laughter last night, and started my morning with a massage by a master therapist. He worked on spots that hurt that I didn’t even know I had. A few times I thought I was going to either cry or just punch him, but in a gawdang that feels so good kind of way.

I’ve paid my mid month bills and have a full afternoon and evening of clients tonight.

Only two gifts left to buy for the family.

Yesterday’s tests, the mammogram and the ultra sound were easy breezy. Checked that off my list.

Everything is falling into place!

Lot’s of people have been asking about my grades this semester. And lot’s of people are being so supportive and saying things like “I know you made all A’s” and the like…I don’t want to let you down but I’m telling you straight up I didn’t make all A’s. Some sort of cocktail of A’s and B’s and we’ll know about it next week when grades get posted. Either way, I learned a great deal from all three classes and feel better equipped going into next semester.

It’s turned cold again today, yesterday we were in the high 60s even 70s some places and today it’s brrrrrr rabbit.

Hope that wherever you are, you’re warm, healthy, and feeling as good as I am about life in general.

 

Put a tail on that kite. this semester is over. I’ve learned quite a bit, whined even more and feel better equipped at moving forward and navigating next semester. Now. I’m going to lay on this couch and have a cinnamon roll and think of all the things I’m going to do or not do on break.

It’s finally finals week.

Finals Week.

I’ve got one at 1pm tomorrow and 9am on Tuesday. DONE.

Then I have my mammogram and ultra sound at 8am on Wednesday.

I’m dreaming about these things, in strange and funky ways. My subconcious is over it, too.

I’ve got a few of my gifts wrapped. I’ve got stuff to make a crockpot of vegetable soup, because for the last two weeks I’ve had the diet of a frat boy.

Had the final choir cantata rehearsal tonight. We sing out Louise next Sunday at 11am. We actually sing for the 8:30 am service, the cantata at 10 without service and at 11 with service. It’s a full day of singing, but I have truly truly enjoyed it.

I shouldn’t be tired. I’ve slept a lot this weekend. But I’ve been having night sweats, and that my friends sucks donkey wiener. Everyone say a lil prayer that at my appointment with the doc next tuesday we get some sort of conclusion on this mess.

All the kitties are in their corners. Kikimama at my feet, Stormy Soprano on the table, laying on all the papers, and Sammy Sams is under the Christmas tree. It’s starting to rain outside, I can hear the wind.

I’m so thankful I have a warm house to live in.

that’s it for me. peaceout ya’ll

 

Final class today. The final one. My paper is printed, the short stories are read for discussion today, I’m sipping coffee and rejoicing in Mindi’s foster dog having 11 puppies last night and about to jump in the shower.

The last two days I’ve rested. I’ve watched movies, Crazy Stupid Love, and Larry Crowne, I’ve run errands, and finished decorating my tree. It’s been a lovely preview for break.

Now it’s time to get down to studying and reviewing for finals. I’ve read all the texts, I’ve got thorough notes. It’s just a matter of shuffling that information to the top of the pile.

Happy Thursday, ya’ll.

Hi.

Remember me?

I’m almost about to come up for air. Almost. I succeeded in completing my Tomboy paper as well as a Prezi for YA Lit and my 20 page History of a Book paper for Bib and Methods. All three will be turned in/presented today. I have one tiny little review of literary criticism to whip out and turn in this week then I’m done. Nothing to do but study for my two finals which are next Monday and Tuesday.

One Bite At A Time.

It feels amazing to see some forward motion on this. Getting the gears to run and flow together again, remembering citations and MLA formatting, getting comfortable with the new methods of research…I have every confidence that next semester will be mine for the taking.

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to a break. It will be my last one until August, as I’ve got intersession and Summer classes in the works. I’m going to sleep. Watch movies and tv shows. See my friends and get caught up on their lives. Lot’s going on, lot’s to get refueled on.

Just a few more days.