Woke up to rolling thunder and pouring rain this morning. We’ve needed it desperately and just the break in the weather…only in the upper 90s today…is a relief.

I laid in bed with one ear open, waiting for the wet cats. Stormy always comes in during the rain. He likes to curl up on my bed and sleep it off under the ceiling fan…

This morning…only Sammy came in.

If that rainstorm didn’t bring him in…well.

Sammy’s meowing all the time. It’s a new thing he started but I think he’s lost w/o Stormy. He just walks around, lays in the kitchen just…meowing. It will break my heart if I choose to dwell on it.

I’m going to choose to believe he is hanging out inside another air conditioned house getting lots of food and love.

 

I actually did get some things accomplished yesterday…I got a toaster oven. Man. The learning curve on that thing is a little steep…burnt the bejeasus out of my morning toast. But I did make a pizza last night, and it was crisp and it did NOT heat up my house to the point of no return! SCORE! I didn’t get the high end Kitchen Aid or Cuisenart…I got the 49 dollar one and used my 20% off cupon. It toasts, broils and is a convection oven as well. I’m going to do some baked chicken tonight. GOODBYE HOT STOVE!!!

I also bought myself a clothesline, some clothespins and a little clothespin hanging bang thingymagigger. I went out and installed it and with a little trial and error figured out where to string it and hung my laundry out to dry! Sheets, summer quilts, dresses, pants! All of it! I’m quite proud of that little accomplishment. Bonusmom did one this year because her dryer went out and turns out she really liked it. And seriously. With this wind and heat…it’s foolish not to. Even though my washer and dryer are in my garage…gah. Saves on all of it.

So, I did laundry. And I lazed a bit. It was one of those days where I knew I had to work, so I was edgy. Didn’t want to over-nap, or forget my times, or run late. I knew I had an obligation so I tried to use that to get things done. GET THINGS DONE. God. Do I ever not say those words???

It’s times like this, when things are piled and I need some more hands and brain juice that I just miss my sister being close. Just a day to piddle in my house. Organize stuff or re-hang pictures. Stuff like that. I mean, I miss her all the time. All of them. But it’s when I’m there and see mom cleaning her house or doing a load of laundry or them re-doing mom’s guest room…it’d be nice to have that. I remember coming home from school and walking into our house and it’d be so clean and smell so good and we would say, “MEME WAS HERE!” she used to do some kamakazee cleaning when we were at school and it was always such a nice surprise!!!

In other news…I’m having struggles getting my Nook to connect to the internet. The wifi is jacked up. I took a poll on the FB and several others have had that issue. I think when the software update rolled out it came with a few kinks that need to be worked out. I’m going to run by the Barnes & Noble here in a minute and then I’m heading to meet Trish and lay at the pool all day.

Hope your Monday is swell. Last week of June people…what are you doing next weekend and OMG did you catch True Blood last night? Lord almighty. I love that show. It feels like summer officially, now.

slurp.

Oh the glory and bliss of slipping into cold sheets after a day in the sun. It’s just the best sleep ever. We’re setting records over here in The Plains, the most consecutive days with temps of 100 or more. The only place to be is inside in the a/c or in the water. It’s brutal. My a/c has been chugging along, fingers crossed, and we’re all cool at Brokedown Palace. But at night, I sleep with the ceiling fan and another fan blowing on me. It’s nice. Even Sammy has decided to bring his blabbermouth self inside and sleep with me this week.

Yesterday was yet another Saturday with little to no appointments. So after I finished, Lynn and I went to the pool and soaked up some (spf slathered) rays and some cold Shandies.

Home to have a little nosh of ham salad, guacamole, bousian cheese and crackers and then we feasted on last seasons True Blood in hopes to get her caught up for the new season tonight. I dozed a bit, but man. Watching it again…I’m SO READY for the show to come back! It’s the PERFECT summer tv watching indulgence!

This morning, there are things that needs be done. My house is wrecked. Clean clothes need to be put away. Sheets need changing. laundry needs to be caught up. I could use a few things from the grocery. I’ve decided to clear off my counter of all appliances and go get a toaster oven. It’s too hot in the summer to use my big oven. It heats up the house too much. I’d like to hit the hardware store and buy myself a clothesline and put it up. With 90 mph wind and 100 degree heat, there’s no reason to use my dryer. Save some mileage and electricity. I need to go get Lynns mower and mow. it’s already too hot at 10:45 am, but I can get it going tomorrow…

So yeah. There are things that needs be done. I’m going to have another cup of coffee and ignore the fact that I made the worlds worst omelette for breakfast. It was just gross. and I’m hungry. Toast that’s about it for breakfast foods…yeah. grocery store soon. I really miss my Sunday breakfasts with Chris and Cindy. I’ve been missing them terribly, but this morning it’s just more poignant.

I have a bartending gig tonight so all of this needs to get done before about 5pm. i hate having boundaries on a weekend. But I love having the money. Saving for next months’ Great Wolf vacay! I cant wait to go!!!

Yesterday about 9:30 am, my phone started blowing up with texts.

George Clooney is SINGLE again.

People from California to New York filled my Facebook wall with links to the stories. “Go get him Misti” “He’s all yours!”

I can’t tell you how it makes me feel that so many people that I love, are invested in my fantasy life! It makes me giggle. It makes me happy.

He’s the gift that keeps on giving.

 

I’ve been walking this week! Shin splints suck donkey balls…but I’ve been up and I’ve been walking. Thanks to the beautiful morning temps and Lynn! Yay for us! Feels good to move…it actually hurts…but hurts so good. Been eating better, cleaner. Nice for the mental health too.

We’re in the 99’s-100’s through next week again. Oy. Oy with the summer. Get me to the water!

Michael Phelps is about to be on the Today show. Thank you Lord. I needed that this morning.

Ive got two bartending shifts this weekend, which is good because I have once again, zero appointments this Saturday. None last week. None this week. We’re closed next week. and then the Great Wolf trip is my FULL workweek. I’m nervous as hell about money. But it’ll work out. I know it will. July will just have to be workworkwork/savesavesave.

I got enrolled in grad school this week! Got my student ID and some books and everything!!! Im so excited I could burst. I’ve started some of the reading for my Young Adult Fiction before 1980 class. Old friends…these stories.

Ok kids. I’ma leave you with one of the songs I can’t quit listening to…dedicated to my George Clooney…whom I love. Let’s rock it out today, shall we?

 

 

I think I was a little depressed yesterday. Literally…I didn’t get up off of the couch except for to go to the kitchen and put food in my mouth. About 10pm I made my bed with clean outdoor dried sheets. I cleaned the kitchen. And I went to bed.

In my facebook newsfeed, several times from completely unrelated people was a quote that I feel sure was meant for me.

“Never make someone a priority for whom you are only an option.”

Right?

Right.

I got up this morning, made my bed, threw away the bird carcass and the hairball, vacuumed the carpets, ate some breakfast, drank some coffee, and went for an hour long walk. The morning temps were human again. Lynn (bless her heart for motivating me) and I walked around the neighborhood and talked and started our mornings feeling better about life.

This is what I need.

I’m getting in the shower and driving to UCO and enrolling today.

I have zero appointments but I’m hoping people will call in.

I’ve got paperwork and money things to really deal with so if I don’t then I’m going to stay focused and get done what didn’t get done yesterday.

I’m afraid/not afraid, that I’m going to have to just go to Lowes, or WalMart or someplace and get a job. I’m not doing a good job of being self employed. I’m worried about money constantly. I just don’t know…

These are things rolling around in my mind. We’ll see how they play out.

Meanwhile…

have a beautiful day. drink some water. stay cool. think good thoughts. and don’t make someone a priority, for whom you are only an option.

we do that, don’t we?

Remember back when I was telling you about the ex husband contacting me (so strange. haven’t heard another peep out of him since) and that I would be ending the week in a place that is almost sacred…the place I was when it all really ended.

Tahlequah.

It’s a beautiful part of the world. Green. Trees. Water rivers and lakes. Beauty. Stillness.

and oh the memories.

I drove in early Saturday morning and got to hang out with Mike and met his lovely wife and child. and I love them both.

We talked. and laughed. We walked around our old stomping grounds, snuck into our old theatre that has been shut down and neglected for I don’t know how long. I had a crying spell.

I had a long conversation with a man, and finally, on my terms, put a lid on something that has been sneaking around my heart, and taking me out at the knee, since 1997.

done and done.

Then I said goodbye. and for the first time left that place without tears and thoughts of “if only. and what could have been” and drove straight home and hung out with my PseudoSisters and family and spent Father’s Day loving life.

This morning, I had a little twinge and an urge to text. But no. Not now.

The door is closed. The party’s over.

We’re moving on to the next one and leaving all of that where it needs to be.

————————————————————————

I’ve got some chores to do. But I’m feeling lazy. and I may nap a bit. I’m drying my sheets outside. Tonight’s sleep will be epic.

Happy Monday, Ya’ll.

that there is a show on the tv…that is agility. for cats.

and I watched it for longer than a minute.

i’ve sunk to a new low.

i ate peanutbutter pancakes for supper.

and wine.

I’ve decided to give my “adviser” one more week to get into contact with me. I sent emails the first week of June, and I realize she was out of town that week, but because she sent me her schedule, I know she’s returned. . . and still no response. SO. I resent all the emails to both her school and private addresses and am going to give it this week and see if I get a response. If not, Monday I will head to campus, armed with all of my information and just do it on my own. I’m going to try my hardest to not hold any kind of ill feelings towards this woman…this woman who so clearly cannot manage to do the job she gets paid to do. Oy.

 

side bar. I heard from her this morning. Responses to all of my emails. Terse. To the point. Which is fine, I don’t need to braid her hair. She’s been in DC where it was super hot temps (well bully. it’s hotternass here too) and her father in law passed away suddenly. So. I get that she’s got a lot on her plate, but does life stop for ANYONE when it drops a load of crap in our laps? Anyone? Anyone that it does that for???  Bottom line, she answered my questions which was a good thing because the classes I had lined up were no bueno. Well, some of them were but I need to take two certain courses within my first two semesters so THAT was much needed advice. I’m going to give the schedule another looksee and then attempt to work it out. I sent her my thanks and sympathies for her loss but I’m betting we have already started this adventure out on the wrong foot. Shitfuckdamn. Sigh. I’ll make it my mission to get back on her good side until we get my plan in place, and after that, unless I have her in class, I won’t have a need for any contact. Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!

 

so another side bar. we’ve been emailing and I do believe that the above was just a knee jerk reaction. I think we’re off to a better start with clear communication. all is well.

Whit was here this past few weeks, and of course I was either gone, working, or visiting with MY family so we didn’t get to even talk but for a few minutes in the salon. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her I was all like ” oh. hi! HI!” not even recognizing who was walking up to me at first! Anyways, we had planned to have a powwow about grad school and whatnot but it didn’t happen…Sorry Whit.

We had ourselves a little weather last night. Hail was in my yard after I returned home from Bonusmom’s birthday dinner. Norman got whooped, and several of my friends were sans power last night. Sending them thoughts and love. No power sucks. It just does.

I’m sippin my coffee. Going through the voices in my head and trying to get some clear focus on life. I feel scattered. I want to start feeling better and I think/know that goes hand in hand with working out in some shape or form. It’s just getting my ass up off the couch…right? I have to find some motivation. Clearly, the mirror isn’t enough.

Happy Humpday, Ya’ll.

Apparently, Kizz and I have somehow conjured up some funk from our past. This past weekend she was contacted by her ex love. . . and I was contacted by my ex-husband.

Just a bland and friendly little facebook email. Sitting there. Waiting on my to wake up. Containing bland and friendly little bits of information. I live here now. I work here. I do this. I like that.

It was…interesting.

Made more so because two night’s previous I’d had a dream containing him and another guy from college. The day previous I had talked about him at work, a girl had asked a question about my being married before.

I responded with like blandness and friendliness and then asked him why he’d emailed me.

“so that I wouldn’t regret not doing so”

Ok. So, apparently there is more salvation and redemption and forgivness that needs to happen. (You know we did this in 2008. I contacted him and we emailed a bit and had closure and then I walked away. Again. I didn’t feel he needed to be a part of my current life and he was acting like that was exactly what he was planning.) Well, if that’s what he needs that is fine.

But I got to thinking about it. What about me? What about what I’m feeling or how I’m dealing with this? What if it dregs up all kinds of old emotions and what if scenarios and all of the old risidual gobbeldygook? That’s not quite fair is it? So that he’ll be able to live with no regrets?

If the only person that is going to feel better after you do something…is you…is it the right thing to do?

I’ve decided to just roll with it. I have no feelings, really and truly, about this anymore. They went away a long long time ago. I don’t even resemble the girl who was called Mrs. anymore. My life began, in earnest, when I got divorced and has continued full force through today. There are people and places and nephews that were never even an idea back then, that are part of my everyday living now. I’m not interested, today, in sharing that life with him. But if he needs a little conversation to be able to live regret free, and if I can give that to him…well so be it.

I also have plans to make a quick trip to Talequah this weekend, and have a reunion with Boyd and my best good friend Mike and his family. It’ll be fast and furious but we will grasp time whenever we can, right? Going to that place, and being with Boyd…always drags up memories of that summer I got divorced. So it seems fitting that a trip there will end this week…

In other fun plans I get to celebrate Bonusmom’s birthday tonight with a meal! I’m going to make myself DO somethings around this house. I’ve got a lead on another part time oil and gas job to replace the one I’ve got when it peters out. I have blooms on my tomato and cucumber plants and baby okra and baby jalapenos in the garden!

A lot of my friends are escaping to the lake this week. I am so excited that they are getting some time to relax…I crave it. I’m also craving NYC. Did you see the Tony Awards? My favorite Neil Patrick Harris just rocked the gaff tape off of that show. Producer, host, perfection. But it made me just crave the city. The theatre. Just . . . being there. Sigh. I need a sponsor for my life.

If I would have stayed married…who knows what my financial world would look like. Most certainly it would be better than I’ve got now. But I wouldn’t have a clue who lives in apartment 2b in Brooklyn. Nor would I have gotten a postcard from Payten Ruth from camp, because I would have never known her daddy.

It’s those things that I carry in my arsenal when I’m ghostbusting. They work every single time.

I slept until 12:30 today.

I woke up at 9:30 and fed the livestock. . . and went back to bed.

Lordy be. Guess who was tired? this girl.

So today, I’ve got some laundry to do. I want to plant a few more things in the garden. But other than that…the day is mine. MINE!

It’s also Bonusmom’s birtday!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARYMARY!!! We love you so much!

She and I will celebrate together sometime…until then I’ll probably just be on this couch!